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No luck
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Since losing my private insurance from a job i could not return to and becoming a SSDI recipient has been a enormous challenge I have tried and tried and tried and tried till there wasn't anything left The inept education on the other end of the phone who cannot answer any of my questions This is year two having to apply for food stamps submitting all necessary documents and questions answered but year two again THEY royally screwed up once again One letter comes in saying we are approved And another that followed by one day as per post mark claim THEY DID NOT RECEIVE the recertification application I returned the requested documentation made sure i dotted my I's and crossed my T's then i immediately made a copy of the application with the date sentence sent it out quickly yet the response I get is if I do not fill out said application it will be terminated Just like that Will be calling agency tomorrow And pray this will be rectified in a speedy manner What the **** is going o I have zero Nothing to take care of my child my grandchild It is scary My previous place of employment refusing to give me what is rightfully mine And here I am Trying to keep it ALL TOGETHER There is nobody on a professional as far as mental health i will not put myself in a system that doesn't know if they are coming or going A system so broken I fear the future How my place of employment is refusing me a "early retirement pension" BASED ON TERMINOLOGY I YET TO HEAR FROM THE PENSION DEPARTMENT I am scared Very scared I cannot find a doctor for myself The system S.U.C.K.S. Many things are falling apart What to do |
Putting one foot in front of the other
Having so much to deal with
Is more than I ever imagined in my life All a new again May our health insurance look better sooner than later Optimistic I am Empowered I am In Christ Jesus who wraps his arms around me when at my lowest Pulled out of the abyss over and over and over again A family I am responsible for A family who needs me now more than ever My relationship with my eldest on a higher plane I am in love with my babies Babies no more But will always be my babies Together we will be soon again Our dogs ashes were taken care of and will be near Oh how I miss him It gets harder and harder as time goes on But find it in me to still put one foot in front of the other Home bound As this body has a mind of its own Painful it is to the point of getting sick Hard to keep food down Swallowing a issue Blood pressure still not under control Prays meditation breathing and stretch as best I can No life outside from home Phone is my contact in the world No I don't want to feel anymore For it is not a way I would entertain relief That is not an option So one day at a time And calling upon my protector I will survive Till my last breath Me |
:Heart: :hug::hug::hug: :Heart:
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Awakened at 4:40 in the morning
I have never had problems with anyone in the building I love in
I live with a very disturbed person above me It is five years I am in this building Police have been called out all hours of the morning She is not well and I have educated myself about the rules of the building I have evidence recordings and the awaited reports from the police station to submit to management and enforce them to do their job I have contacted the the proper authorities and building management and Office of Fair Housing Equal Opportunity A few days ago receiving a call from them and will help me in the situation I am tired of holding those who are responsible to take action I came from a building that was in the end taken away from the owner to be It took ten years of my life I have made a difference in this world Only I am sick now I need my rest At 4:40 this morning awakened called the authorities When they came as they have come in the past were gracious Listened to the audio of the noise disturbance that showed date and time There are several recordings of her irrational behavior Have found her at my door on two occasions All the above in the hands of management This is how my morning started And will do all I can to make her stop It is out of control I do not trust management for personal reasons Upon moving I was approached by several people who live in my building and the questions that were asked of me by the tenants "How much money did you pay to get in this building" The other question is "How did you get into a two bedroom apartment" My car has been vandalized upon asking for a handicap spot Submitted all required documentations with my plaque Camara that would show who keyed my car was not available according to management This told me enough to keep an eye on them closely Just another thing on my plate My Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father the Holy Spirit keep me strong while taking on possible changes May this be the task at hand for many who live here in fear One day at a time Body broken and tired My mind constantly working Awaiting reports form all the times I had to call the police to ask her to knock it off We had two meetings with management After the second meeting that night I had to call the police again Only now incriminating herself by leaving a note at my door Stating "I apologize and don't blame you for call the police" Enough already Limited sleep I do not have to express how important it is for a sick body Not to mention my mind Never ending May I be used to make a difference Don't want to feel anymore Amen |
Having the courage
Stripped of a way of life I still hold on to apparently
Having to clean up the mess tiny metal flecks having to saw through a metal entrance door Two large gashes in my floor I had put down when moving in Just cried the entire time My OCD kicked in big time And they aren't done yet Awakened again at three with a thump that seemed to be like a bowling ball Letter to be sent to the above tenant As I was assured by management Allowing me to see it I hope this will put an end to her Lets call it a tick As she apparently isn't well It is so out of control My blood pressure 169/100 And am on BP meds My mind My mind To calm my mind So want to shut it down So don't want to feel anymore So badly don't want to feel anymore Yet I have a reason for existing I will never kill myself as I still wonder What was he feeling when he took his life at 47 I can't imagine to pain sorrow sadness whatever I will never know But this I know for sure If I can put one foot in front of the other And make it through the day I pray my children will too I have a broken body That reminds me every moment of my day It shouldn't be like this But it is So with a prayer and hope I manage to make it to put my head on my pillow to sleep And then only to be awakened in a very bad way May Jesus Christ wrap his arms around me and fill my Spirit with calm Heavenly Father the Holy Spirit Come into my being In Jesus name Amen Me |
It's so deep and real
My depression
A factor of many reasons Given up anymore trials to the antidepressants As none took care of the problem But actually made the matter worse And then the withdrawals No more So this morning I was hit with an overwhelming feeling of gratitude A love for an animal who is in doggy heaven Awaiting my Spirit to join him By for now The joy that my family wants to be in my presence is a big deal My children my sister My daughter who left rehab again My youngest learning some life lessons that do not change even with social media Relationship is based on honesty Now she suffers the consequence The one thing that means more than anything Is being honest She came clean And is hurting But understands the lesson Proud I am of her To think of my childhood at the holiday times My father having card games that started on a Friday night into to wee hours of into early Monday morning to go to work The baking The sled rides in the chapel yard next to our home that had an awesome hill The decorations On the Christmas tree The Hungarian traditions would put holiday candy on the tree My baby sister was my responsibility My crazy wacky loving middle sister taught me how to smoke Got so sick Oh how grateful my family wants to be together to WANT to BE TOGETHER My baby sister My eldest daughter and husband her high school sweetheart making the dinner Their significant love ones with them Corissa with her older siblings My granddaughter who is just precious Will have mommy there who left the program But now can spend and do the holiday homework Very simple for my granddaughter Her first kindergarten report card show how very advanced she is and it turns out her favorite subject is science Just so happens to be mine I have this feeling of warmth my lineage after me are coming together A surprised due me from my boy as I'm told My eldest who has been calling once a day just to see how thing are And she misses talking to her mommy This will be branded into Eva's memory She is at an age that is so very important for happy good memories How they form us I began to speak with Heavenly Father Not understanding why I must go through the diversities throughout my life time And can see now it made me who I am today And trust in the purpose it will all make sense in the end In all my adversities I get it And the tears I shed are happy ones Overwhelmed of the idea my babies adults now will surround me and gift me with their presence feels so wonderful So very sad my daughter could not follow through Until the next try With a prayer and hope she keeps trying To call upon the Holy Spirit Jesus Christ Heavenly Father and the angels to protect this family and to please protect them as they go through their journey in life and look to YOU FOR THE ANSWERS I give thanks to our loving father And wait let him take over I'm never alone Thank you Jesus Grateful I am Amen Me |
So much pain
Just got off the phone with my baby sister
My mother has been put on Paxil in the last four days And it wasn't the Xanax withdrawal She was taken off Paxil this drug took four days from her She could have done so much damage to herself and others She has no memory of the past four days The er doctor released her with .25 mg Xanax My sister took off work for the rest of the week Stayed in bed with her At some point my sister administered her meds with the Xanax and she slept through the night Awoke to no memory er doctor said she was having a reaction to the Paxil I'm f'in had it with the doctors She cannot take antidepressants You go into the er and tell them about the mutation As my er experience He had NO CLUE WHAT "MTHFR DNA MUTATION WAS" I was educating him Since finding the mutation a year now I only came across ONE doctor ONE it was my daughters OBGYN ONE and more than 50% of the population suffers from the depletion of folate their entire life My jaw just hanging Sure why don't you just kill her I'm sick of it all May health and good change be in our future So many addicted AND THE SMART duff doctors JUST WON'T TAKE RESPONSIBILITY again personal experiences not just once twice more than two dozen just in my case since becoming ill at 49 years old And old this body feels Broken And I stay sober It would only take three drinks And ALL the pain GONE but I would lose all I worked for A better life on life terms I don't understand But I carry my cross Let me carry it without whining When the weather is as it has been rainy I'm good for nothing But I WILL put one foot in front of the other And just do Hoping with a prayer You are holding me tight And never let me go Amen |
May all sentient beings be well... :grouphug:
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Not surprised in the least
As well wishes go out
Dispite differences Honoring a request Not recognized is more then whatever it may be I have no desire to know And have a kind heart to offer It's similar to how my mother has been married for three years and is now living with her third husband she divorced Having to understand when one needs another and not understand there just might be a problem As for my ill father and a mother who looked the other way for her fear of losing her man Sad When one hasn't a clue How so very hard it is was in my addict times Many years put behind me And that was the easy part The hard part was tending to our character defects This is always in the works Brutally honest Is who I am Careful not to be hurtful So with hope and a prayer I accept your decline and will never contact again To those who get me It's on Peace and Love to the World Love Me |
Eighty four
He was young
47 Can't help but wonder How badly was he feeling To just do it I tell my kids If I have to fight this as they know me completely No secrets And have come together How do I help my babies Keep it real No lies Won't ever give up Ever I pray the pain disappear Today my doctor will give me a injection in the back of my neck It's been years It was tempory relief He tells me my nerve is being impinged and very angry and inflamed Looking for some relief Especially when at my daughter and hubby The entire family together Yeah hoping for relief His birthday Do many years ago Gone Me |
I don't know who you are talking about… it sounds like you are talking about someone committing s/s. I know your father did, was he 47 when he did?
Today is the anniversary of my s/s attempt. I was off my meds, manic, psychotic, and my life was in disarray, but I was also desperately hopeless. Why people try to commit suicide is often very complicated, and their loved ones are left in pain wondering why. I'm glad that I'm here today, and I'm so sorry that you were left behind with questions, Eva :hug::hug::hug: I'm sorry about your neck. I had surgery at C5-6 in 2008 and it was a Godsend. I have problems above and below the fusion, but they're fairly mild. I hope your find some relief from the injection :hug: I hope that you can enjoy having your family together :hug::hug::hug: |
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i have so many times asked myself if the stressors are as loud as mine are and i manage to still hang on is the baffling thing a note was left it is the load i think about i carry my cross and want to be around and fight the fight i'm just hoping i can be that example to my family it will take my family my village of people to help me when i can't do fo myself anymore i wake up and say this is not a way to live and push through it his birthday this month he has been gone since 4/8/80 may he be resting thanks for the well wishes be well love me |
I hope you are doing well Eva. I've been struggling with my health and my brother's addiction still. Not getting any better. Been so very depressed. Even though I'm not always here on NT, I still always remember who my true friends are and will always care for all of you here at NT. You are part of my family. Hope you and all here at NT have a very happy and healthy 2017!
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prayers there be a miracle a magic something that gives us back a little of what it was like before its a tough thing having to accept the horrible that is out of our control i understand a HAPPY NEW YEAR love me |
I'm sorry that you deal with so much :hug::hug::hug:
Thank you for the well wishes... I hope that you can have a good New Year's and a better 2017 is in the cards for you :hug::hug::hug: |
Hi Eva. Just wanted you to know I was thinking of you and hoping that you are feeling better today. Sending virtual hugs to you.
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needed that
in return love me |
Hugs to you my dear friend Eva. Hope you are having a better day today.
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the hardest thing i ever had to do
it was something i would dream about when i was a little girl
a family of my own never to live like my mother and father were to us but how i would be the best mom i could ever be taking them to their first day of school to graduation well not so fast i have live in generations with those before me and those after me having watched the keys be handed over enough time from Watergate to date i having lived what i am about to write a long time democrat now having failed my children as i raised them alone for reasons no child should have suffered at the hands of a very sick man who was my father this is not someone on the pity pot but fact sad to find out i couldn't save my sisters from it a mother who watched and turned her head i voted for our now president elect i someone who took on the car company my ex-husband worked for General Motors and the child support department my case set persistence in the state of New Jersey failed systems that affected me and my children on a very difficult financial road no only an absent parent loosing sight fighting with me threatened my life if he could not have me stalked me at my job for years oh the police domestic violence not taken very seriously in the early 80's going to hit the submit so my writing does not disappear lost all of my work so much i wanted to share i took too long and nobody ever took the ti me out to teach me maybe it wasn't meant to be being a parent is the hardest job i ever had no guarantees in the end help me understand the difference me |
hi Eva. it sounds to me like you've been a great parent. the fact that you still worry and care about your children shows how much you love them and how awesome a mother you are. your love is unconditional and even if they don't say it, i am sure that realize how lucky they are to have a mother like you. that is what you taught them and that is what they will always remember. You are an amazing mother and friend. Love and Hugs to you.
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for the second time
its tough enough having to type
this is the second time in two days my writing is lost i follow the instructions to back and reload doing that wiped it away precious time of work gone sick of it me |
Eva I had that issue for a while on my iPad, it's something to do with the amount of time you have been on the NT site & it registers you as being inactive so when you go to post it says you have to reload. To get round it, before I posted anything I pressed the key to select all, then copy and voila, in the event the page came up with reload I was able to log back in and just paste and then post. So once in the habit of copying what I intend to post just before posting I rarely have to go back and retype - I hope this little tip helps, I know just how darn frustrating it is to lose all the thought and effort you have previous put in :hug:
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our rights
an immigrant myself
parents in refugee camp in south Africa and in the end final destination USA have been here since the age of five to protest in a orderly manner in this melting pot is gone many loosing sight in the process i my sister my parents had to wait in line until we were sworn in and have my certificate of citizenship naturalized through my parents i wanted my certificate and then to find the corruption in New Jersey vital statistics handing out bogus birth certificates had me on a roll and the entitlement of many who live in my neck of the woods is so OUT OF CONTROL then to have the problems including understanding most of the workers who have difficulties with the English language and to find out here in my neck of the woods licences A VERY IMPORTANT DOCUMENTATION THAT HELP THE POLICE WHEN RUNNING A PLATE given OUT to the persons in exchange for money and for these illegal activities i along with the rest of the population are subjected to even more chaos embarrassed at the women march and the behavior so confused to hear the responses many had no clue how to answer some question asked of them will not quote i'm sure many watched what i did i see that what i was taught when going to kindergarten taught how to sing after the salute to the flag and that song was "God Bless America' my home sweet home standing firm in this country and having walked in many shoes i am qualified I am doing what i can do for my country first in God i Believe in Jesus name Amen |
its our lives
the politicians are messing with
THE PEOPLES LIVES while we wait fora mess of them on the pity pot and i have to teach my grandchild that grown ups can behave like babies taking a tantrum so many lairs so many who steal from this country this is not hear say this i have witnessed time and time again how refreshing to have someone who isn't afraid to clean out the HOUSE I AM A PROUD USA CITIZEN i speak read and write in my language i was five when i came into this country it was also the first wave of Cubans that entered in the 70's and when i started kindergarten i did not have the luxury as the Cuban students had a teacher for an entire class of children who only spoke Spanish and my grandchild is being held back as i know personally three generations in the USA and still do not speak the English language my sweet grandchild has been innocent to come home and ask me the following and i ask where are the educators mimma "some boy in my class told me the middle finger means a bad word" next mimma "what does sex mean" apologies in advance next mimma "what does nigger mean" and i can go on on top of all this it was explained to me by the principal that this all takes place during lunch i had to correct her it happened in class during relax time but what really angered me was the next thing she explained as i asked where are the lunch monitors where are the adults when this is going on "i am sorry, but they are hired and do not speak English" you read right i was just beside myself i hear the security guards hired by the city what i want to know how can a person learn a language if it isn't being practiced and used on school grounds the bus drivers the same problem why am i asked "why don't i learn how to speak Spanish" and when asked this question i respond in my language and tell them in my language "why don't you learn how to speak Hungarian?" NO ANSWER in this all i am now dealing with learned behavior and who is going to fix this problem and how dare i be told to learn the language by the way i have picked up the language as the majority came first i was left behind not only taught myself the English language while in kindergarten it was my Cuban friend Elizabeth who taught me what i know and picked up the rest as time went on so my question is why is there three generations living in the USA and NOT WANT TO LEARN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE this i was told by them WRONG my children could not get a job in our home town because they needed to be bilingual i am spoken to not in English when entering a store or at a doctors office better yet over the phone REALLY ENOUGH ALREADY and call me raciest I DON'T THINK SO my fourth child is part Hispanic ENOUGH ALREADY my grandchild is being held back as the teacher has to help those who do not understand in this all my message is am i not in a country that speaks the English language in school and if "I" want to learn a different language there are elective classes i could take but to force me I DON'T THINK SO WHAT WILL SHE COME HOMEWITH TODAY me |
so as i go through my new scare
and a birthday gift to myself
happy birthday to me five years almost to the month as January 9, 2012 i had my double mastectomy my mother nowhere to be found what a terrible thing for that little girl inside that's always wondering what did i do why the woman who brings me to the world and to recently tell my baby sister she wasn't wanted by her she was to be aborted until my father intercepted the call from the hospital for the procedure i am 9 years at this point i already knew much don't expect to hear from her we three girls at one point in our life asked what was it like the day you went into labor with me she can't remember so she says not much leaving it at that a father who checked out 47 leaving blame is it me i don't think so at the top of my lungs this morning i sang a Doris Day song "Que Sera Sera" and the Frankie baby "i did it my way" and it felt awesome just awesome i am only given what i can handle parable or not i have to believe in goodness goodness kindness to get on the elevator and a timid fragile woman in every way taken aback when i said good morning having the courage to change the things i can when she looked into my eyes i could see the smile in them before she got off i said one moment at a time she said thanks got off on the 7th floor chances i will never see her again where is the honor for truth why are people afraid of the truth or being caught doing something they are not allowed to do yet knowingly ignore the rules and try and hide it not own up to it suffer the consequences that come with knowing YOU ARE BREAKING THE RULES, THE LAW, and you will be caught and then lie through their teeth swear up and down they didn't do that there was a time one said in video that isn't me my thought process believe it or not of my granddaughter the learned behavior i am dealing with i am a sinner we all are but as i got older this is what my assessment is in my own experience i am today trying to be the best i could be it was a tough day yesterday today is different i wake and wonder what is it going to be in the end and that be the will of Heavenly Father so i turn another year older a little girl that still lives is a bit wiser and blessed by Heavenly Father in Jesus Christ Amen |
Having to mend this body
My OBGYN looking into doctors he knows
Having the insurance I now have DOSENT get me far But I fight all the way through And hold them accountable I'm sure it has been figured out I have no problem when I have personally gone through something will not hold this tongue Doctors who stood before me and dropped their heads in shame To have been lied to buy the reconstructive doctor What my OBGYN isn't hearing If he finds me a really good doctor I will have them taken out And I want to have a symmetrical look A flat chest Only with a clean look Does this make sense Waiting for a happy feeling moment with this very broken body L4L5 hurt so badly Won't even even talk about my neck and shoulders The muscles in my body gone This beautiful body lost all its muscle Because I have been walking with a cane for the past five years the muscle in on calf is thinner than the other My head still keeping it afloat Having so many situations going on at once Am I coming or going I am so tired of the doctors My lungs hurt I woke up sometime last week And my tongue hurt You read right I'm like What the **** my tongue It lasted for two days I brutal on my mouth Having all my teeth And one cavity in my lifetime I brush at my tongue Sometimes a bit to hard Maybe it be the cause What a weird feeling Amazed at what the body can produce Just like that So Taking all one moment at a time Hoping to feel mentally better now OFF THE TAMOXIFEN we shall see We shall see Me |
Happy Birthday, Eva.
I know you've had a difficult life and that lots of things can trigger bad memories for you... I'm sorry it was such a tough day :hug::hug::hug: Love, Kay |
Finding my own happiness
I need to let go
I need to say STOP I need God to push me around a bit I can't do it all And I get no help And this woman has been the rock for this family as far back as I can remember It is time for me to laugh smile be happy Not to worry worry and tell my children to stop A time has come when enough is enough Being pull in all directions go others and loosing myself is not what I want to allow anymore I need to not pick up the phone I need not to help them figure things out for them They all have their own journey so let them be Eva Let them not dump on me when crap hits the fan This is my life The one life on this earth As my body rots I must feed my spirit and continue to take care of me and MIT let others hurt or take my happiness from me I need to make me first after praising my Heavenly Father I need to laugh I miss laughing I need positive energy in my life With Jesus Christ my constant everything I have no true support I know I need And it hurts my feelings I can be forgotten that quickly My baby sister who has become my rock We both call upon Jesus Christ and accept what is put before us an leave the rest behind Happiness is my goal to laugh A huge belly laugh That would last and last can be a good thing Laughing my medicine I am responsible in what I let in my life No more depression I will take what Heavenly Father has in store for me I will try and do things with laughter I miss laughing Where did it go Where is that hard core belly laugh I have to capture it back I will let the doctors do their crane I will try and bring laughter back into my life One way or another The spring weather is here It feel awesome to watch the world tilt and watch the sun get closer and closer To all who know me I wish you all a belly laugh in your day I will get what I need when I let go of the garbage Not only mine but my families garbage Enough already Enough No more dumping your problems on my lap and think its "My job" Done with this strategy that does not work Because they still want to do things their own way Until they throw in the towel and understand they cannot get sober alone I have to step back and not get tangled in their chaos And not take on any help until they work on themselves It is so painful to watch So I have decided to not be involved physically either Out if sight out of mind to a point But I must for me And my own happiness Happiness laughter love and be loved in return Accept I must take this road alone I will I will push myself into a new way to start my very painful mornings I cannot count on them I must let this set in I have me my Heavenly Father The man we know as Jesus Christ sent in his image for our sins and debt in full As this body get older may my spirit increase in strength to get younger in spirit is to get closer I get to be with Heavenly Father This is for sure the way I want to live my life as it comes closer to and closer to a youthful spirit be what I achieve I am going to work on my happiness and to put that smile on my face No more sadness No more bad news No more sitting on the potty May depression be trumped by happiness and laughter Laughter For us all Blessings to us all Amen Me |
It is felt
Not ready to talk to him
He My son asks Or senses I'm distant I told him he was right And that I needed to get my thoughts together before we talk It's felt Me |
Heart ache
It really can feel all the emotions we go through
When sadness is around as much as it is around here It's tough keeping a chin up Constant sadness takes on a toll physically I fight it everyday with the help of Heavenly Father So much sadness Must find things to do for me Much love and happiness pours out of my grandchild Will attempt a project She is joy in everyday And the best time is when she comes in my room every night to say our prayers The Lord's Prayer and then the Hail Mary in the order she wants We hold each others hand and close our eyes Awesomeness To find my happiness My worries with my grown onesie hard All I can do is pray they too find Jesus Christ Amen |
Hi Eva. Hope you're doing better today. I haven't been on the forum too much lately because of my poor health. But I'm feeling a little better an wanted to let you know that I"ve missed all of you so much and hope you're doing well. Hugs from your forever friend.
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Warm soft hugs
Back to you
Thanks for reaching out It is so good to hear from you Loving empowering hugs in return Me |
Hi Eva. Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you and hope you are feeling better. Hugs to you my friend.
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Don't know where to take all I have
Won't get much out
As I am leaning on Heavenly Father I am all over the place with this tiny family you would think not much would be going on So far from that idea It is not that I don't put one foot in front of the other and just do someone has to Everyone else has a life that they have to figure out The problem beings with calling me and letting me in their world And yes I listen and listen until I have a chance to speak on a matter I have experience with or on And if one isn't reseptive to anything I have to suggest and just wants to hear what they want Well to that I say contact me when you are really ready to be honest and truthful Until then I have my own path I have to walk My life has changed It changed me forevermore and I am a better person because of all that has happened it is not easy And to put my Spirit first and follow all else follows exactly how it is suppose to be I miss the routine coming here and trying to follow and start to write only to loose it And have had help explaining how to hold on to it I just fail when it comes to technology My body slowly breaking down as time goes by Doctors still cannot figure out why my body veins in my hands and feet Will return to finish Baby sister stopped by Back It a hard thing to have to turn my back on my family I no longer am a punching bag No longer their cheerleader no longer will I pick up the phone when I have walked the walk into 25 years of soberiety and for my son to think he can do it on his terms he will need to step out of my life as I will not entertain his desire to pick a fight with me as does things HIS WAY All I can do is pray but I must cut my ties with two of my children it is because I love them I step back and not be the reason in anyway They must do what they must without me My health is priority And I'm going through it by myself and Heavenly Father I pray all will pass without incident Me |
Oh Eva, you must look after yourself, you know this as equally as you know they must follow their own path and come to the realisation sobriety is just that; it's not moderation, it's not controlled using, it's 100% without substance clear head. I join you in prayer this will come without incident. My prayers too are for you, sending you virtual hugs :hug::hug:
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Some good news
After five years with my granddaughter
She has been recommended to attend the school for the gifted and talented Not only did my for children attend the same school Now Eva will be attending She loves to read loves it So thrilled for her Hoping mom will find her way As smart as they are it too comes with many adversities They are not babies anymore And addiction is prevelant in this tiny family Something they do not seem to remember how mommy has her soberiety to handle first One day at a time It if it be the only thing I do in my day and not pick up I have yet another day sober It matters It matters more than anything to me It made me who I am today And I like me To my dear friends who support me through my trouble and I thank you Thank you Me |
My Heavenly Father prepared me and I'm...
So tired
So tired of bad people I will be in court only to have that time come Not well is she I can walk into court confidently with all to show And understanding I cannot be the one to take matters into my own hand So the managers were to have been handling this I never had any intention to file a police report Not something I should be doing even though it is me and my family subjected to her abnormal psysocotic addict behavior So having an understanding of this I hold those who are responsible to handle it The management office As I collect all evedince of said complaints Point A very important document that was delivered by me as my eighteen year old as witness And as it was opened Requested it go in file In it it asks the three top persons in the chain of command and as instructed by them to call the NBPD and to go place a complaint on her This is where I remind them what the lease says And it clearly explains the management and maneger are suppose to take action on this letter submitted I have my own copy What are the chances my suspicions come to light Of ALL documents THEY MUST GIVE ME TO SHOW WHAT THEY DID TO HANDLE AND RECTIFY THE SITUATION " is missing" In it I say me and my family are subjected to irrational behavior roaming the halls inebriated knocking on doors for drugs And disturpts my sleep as our apartments are identical and her bedroom is above mine I have caught by recording her when this awakening behavior is at all hours of the morning And much more I have continued to call "only when she is OOC" Now it is where it is I told Roslyn the director who I do not trust for other reasons that I personally encountered by other tenants One of the questions I have been asked for example is "How much did you pay to come into this building" Approached at the town pool while I'm in the water with a friend and interrupted by a woman who since passed Peggy was her name Was the first one to ask me And other things began to happen and thought then Oh my goodness What am I going to have to deal with in this building And because I had 10 years experience in my previous building I will have pictures to submit what me and my children along with all the other tenants the true meaning of a slumloard It was a brand new building The third and fourth floors weren't done yet 10 years fighting the system And in the end me and another tenant were the ones who made a difference We fought to the very end So when I had a chance to come into this swelling I was thrilled I was at that point on leave with no pay And let me say something It is if not worse here then what I went through in my previous dwelling in my home town for 46 years To here hoping for peace a way to start over with a forever changed life I have always been a smart cookie I had some court experience Represented myself and made a difference In set precedence in New Jersey back in 1988 The case was talked about for years His name was judge Shaffer Had everyone stand up and told them "You can all thank mrs. ...... for the hard work she did" And what that means is I did their jobs Depressed sure I am I am tired And she has much to do with the lack of sleep I need my rest It is very important And to know having to deal with corrupt people really really upsets me And if by chance the proof I have is not enough just the first top three piceces of evedience wouldn't be enough to show the truth I then will be very disappointed There isn't anything this woman has as I do not do anything We are quiet Even my granddaughter understand no running or jumping So my arms must be wide open and say yo myself God you have me go through this for a reason Only you know what that reason may be I have my own ideas Heavenly Father is using me It is over a three hundred unit building The management likes to strong arm the helpless Those who have no idea they too have rights I will try not to be upset as I get all ready fir the courts And have my Savior in my being I'm so tired So tired Depressed of how many bad people in the world Me |
Praying for you Eva. I have seen alot of bad people in this world too, but have also seen some good ones as well. You are one of them! Hold onto Faith and Hope one day at at time and know that you matter and have made a difference in this world. You helped me cope with my (recovering) brother. He is still not talking to me but I hear from his friend he is doing okay. I couldn't have gotten through that pain without your help. Hugs to you.
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I must focus on me
After my prayers
And meditate I begin my day So difficult as the pain level is way up there In addition to the harassing behavior of the above tenant with whom I will be going to court with As SHE put out a harassment charge In all and short I was prepared from the building I come from I never wanted it to get this out of hand and as I had personal reservations how the management office operates The director who I deal with always has been caught in a few lies This will be interesting As the charge is not light And because I have an assigned worker in the case from my phone call to Housing Mortage Finance Agency who in turn directed me to the appropriate department are the only one who will direct me I have taken all the proper steps So I did my part Found my suspicions were on the money I will be picking up a written explination where and how my documents went MIA The director is throwing the lettter to be written into the hands of the new additional manger to help the helplessly lying one May my Heavenly Father so who calls the shots All I ever wanted was for the vicious racket stop But we are talking about many corrupt cans that may open up The fellow assigned to my case is my saving grace Hopefully this will all be behind us and she will stop I have so much proof to show it is a false report At the hours of her racket I have nobody else but the police to call I retire to bed by 11:00 in the evening It usually begins at 1:00a.m. In the morning and like every hour on the hour Burned out my little iPod recording her noises that wake me Why I say do I have to go through this And at this level So much embarrassing truth is coming out I would be ashamed if I did what the director thinks she is allied to do Terrible Terrible things when money is at the core of it all My body hurts so badly It is the one thing that really brings me down Especially when it is heightened like it has this month My torodol shot two weeks ago helped for about the two weeks Because it's back This rubber band like snap starting at my left neck shoulder then an electrical snap to the top of my head it's the second time it's happened in this month OMG Trying to explain is a different issue However when I began to explain to my pain specialist he finished my sentence when he said it shot up into my brain And after it happens I feel as if I'm bruised internally Should this make any sense to anybody Pushing through The truth is pain is awful Just awful Scary when something new starts Now what I tell myself I pray on it But inside know my body like only Heavenly Father does So depressing thoughts begin and I have to counter it With my mind and doctors My hands and feet The doctors cannot figure out what is going on Hard to deal with that Today is a tough day My neck is hurting so I found myself on my back A big no no My body is propped so I cannot turn from my side to my back for the obvious reasons Hoping to get out of this funk soon Me |
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