Gerry
you are absolutely correct
it is not the in your face
and don't you ever forget it

this is at a time i could have been selfish
and she wanted me there
i did it with nothing in return
and still listen to her
what is brought up
are situations that have occurred
in their adult

i am not speaking of the necessary
responsibilities of preventative
health care that's a given


some will call it enabling
i definitely rather not have any
of what i am going through happen
and it is
i have to learn how to say NO
and not let them hurt me
my child in her mid thirties
and she NEEDS her eyes checked
along with that eye wear
and nothing in return is
there does come a time when
taking from me has stopped
my eldest asked for help purchasing
christmas gifts with the promise of them
her to pay it off monthly
four computer tablets and a previous
balance hers was paying monthly payments
and her reason
did not like being asked how could she have left a mess
as she did using my apartment as a venue for her to have
her poetry features happen
and the response was go blank yourself
and has no intention to pay the dell account
all hers left for me to pay
is the first for her
so no i don't like having to remind them of their obligations
this is all present happenings
undeserving of it all
me

Eva,
I am sorry you have allowed these purchases, etc. to take place. They are adults.

All you mention has nothing to do with what my post had intended. I should not have made an attempt at something I am not qualified to comment on.

Wishing you well.


Gerry

you have been so kind and valuable
on your input
may i have misunderstood your message
i may not have explained myself to be
understood
as confusion is a huge part of the puzzle
trying to figure out
how there is no understanding
of the pain and sorrow my adult children
are adding to this sick person
i very much want to understand your message

please i am open to all that one has to offer
in suggestions
knowing in the end
i will do what i feel is most important

and you most certainly qualify

so happy to hear you can still be active
in cooking, laundry
and if memory serves me right
you love gardening and dabble
on an easel and paint
i want to try and dabble with pastels
and chalk along with Eva at my side on her
easel

Corissa is doing much better going to the program she has been
going to for six months now
no input from father when a once a month mandatory
session between the three of us and therapist to date zero

i make it my business to be available
for my granddaughter and daughter
these two are like SISTERS
it's beautiful

trying to get Corissa to study for the written
so she can get her permit
and i can be the licensed driver
as she takes me shopping to the doctors
and get the experience so i can count on her
and the car won't just sit in a parked position
she could do errands
she is apprehensive about driving
i expressed she would be doing herself
a disservice

i hope to hear from you again
you have been very instrumental
in my life
i would understand otherwise
because i care toooooooo much
love
me

Eva,
I, myself, do not do well in explaining myself; sometimes better to leave certain areas alone.

Glad to learn of some of the upside of things; especially Corissa getting a permit to drive. When she gets her license, she will be most helpful for you to get around. Please let her know "I care very much about her". Somehow those few words spoken with her made a close connection between us.

Yes, I once loved painting. Self taught. I Have not painted in over ten years. The easel stands idle, along with the table full of paints. Wrists, hands, fingers, and the ability to stand with the painful spine, legs and burning feet do not allow for me to even attempt at painting. I often think about it though. I do have the painting of The Divine Mercy in my living room. I had sent a copy to you several years ago.

Am able to do very little gardening; but do manage to put some solar lighted items decorating the walk way. Also have a lighted wreath for each season on the front door.

It's just my husband and myself so spreading laundry over a few days works pretty well. Once enjoyed cooking. Now; it's the quickest and easiest to make meal. Luckily, my husband is not a fussy eater.

We all do the best to work with our handicaps learning new and different ways to accomplish the necessities.

The best advice I can give for both of us is to not dwell on the things that sadden us. Try to look for what can bring us some joy; whether movies, music and of course, loved ones.

Because I care,

Gerry

And so you do my friend
Blessed is what it is
Love
Me

i felt it coming on yesterday
the knot in my stomach
the lump in my throat
the feeling of doom taking over
my body and locks me in a state i loath
bottom line ALL the things i won't let go of
true FREEDOM is not in my future if i continue
to dwell
BUT WHAT IS NOT UNDERSTOOD
i do not want to FEEL like this anymore
no matter what ever "it" wants "it" wins
my sadness is the thing that is tearing me apart
i physically feel "it"
why does it want me
why can't i just hold on to the positive
and wait for a miracle
it not hurt anymore
and i not be a burden to my family
turns out to be a joke
no help offered anymore
as a way to be hurtful
only i will in the end do it myself
my son called with some comfort
he and i have so much healing to do
but he called out of the blue to see how i am
i did not want to start Effexor still on the fence
about it
i started it three weeks ago
on capsule am to graduate to two capsules
a day
i am reluctant to start the second one
i wish i never started
do not want to take it
so want to kick myself
as i read a post just by chance
i don't think so
anywho
just want it out until
my cancer meds are stopped
and that isn't anytime soon
am i nuts
i don't think so
i know me
me

Still in that mood
To have gotten up to go to bathroom
Cannot return to sleep
I must get the eyes checked also
Doctors doctors doctors

I must get the strength
And get with the program
The thought of laying on my back
I cringe already

Will have my daughter see him also
It is mandatory
She waits for mommy to arrange everything
The lessons you hope and pray they adopt
Still in that funk
Me

Eva,
Is there the possibility of you being able to go for even just a little walk outside?. When "it" tries to grab you and won't let go sometimes just getting your coat on and go out; even just for a very short time might break the cycle.

I had some pretty nasty issues with an "it" that would take hold. I finally learned to stop whatever I was doing; and leave the house to get outside for a little while. Not always; but sometimes it did help the "it" to go away and another chance to try to get back to the positive.
Wishing you well,

Gerry

Hi Gerry
I will try as the weather gets better
You take care
I pray you aren't near by any darkness
And the sun can shine for
You
Love
Me

Oh dear Brother
Please strip me of this sadness
Hold me tight
Never let me go
I don't want to do it anymore
Drowning with my eyes open
Me