NeuroTalk Support Groups - Having a hard time

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- - Having a hard time (https://www.neurotalk.org/depression/233372-hard-time.html)

Quote:

Originally Posted by PurpleFoot721 (Post 1205387)

I had another psychology appointment today. I talked about so many of the things that have been on my mind over the past week. I think I might have overwhelmed her with what is going on in my life and I only had an hour. She agrees that it might be a good idea to try to get away from my husband for a weekend, or even a little longer. Especially if he continues to not want to listen to me, get defensive whenever I say anything no matter what it is I say, and if he continue to be verbally abusive. He has been rather nice this past week with no drinking, so I am happy about that. These are the times that I am reminded of the person that he can be, the person that I fell in love with and married. Trying his hardest to put a smile on my face or even laugh. I just wish he would listen to me. I have been good at watching how I say things so that they can not be mistaken as being negative. I don't know why it did not dawn on me before, my husband is pretty much deaf. He reads body language to determine emotion and tone in what someone says since he can not hear it all that often. Is he perhaps mistaking my pain and depression for a negative tone?

My parents were trying to get me up to there place sometime soon. I was asked on Friday if I would like to come up for the weekend. Maybe packing up a weekend bag and heading up with my dad next chance I get would be a good idea if my husband and I can not talk about some of our problems. I am not sure how I would handle the long 3.5 hour ride, but it is the only place I can think of to go to and I have not been up to their place in a few years. I spend most of my time in my pajamas anymore, except for doctor appointments, so a small bag shouldn't be too hard to put together.

We also talked about trying to work toward some goals. As odd as it may sound, I would love to be able to try cooking again. Maybe not every day, but at least every once in a while. It is something that I loved to do and is something that will let me feel like I am helping out again. I told her that I would like to be able to loose my crutches as well, even to get back to a cane or walker. Since I am still dealing with a non-union from a surgery I had last January to fuse two joints in my ankle, as well as dealing with CRPS, I know that may not happen. I made sure that she knew that it might not happen as well.

Working toward some goals and making me feel like I am not just a drain on everyone in my life, will probably do me some good. Between the pain, depression and all of the stress going on at home, I just do not have much motivation right now which makes it difficult to work toward those goals. Every time I try, it seems like one step forward, three steps back.

Guess I will just have to take it one step at a time, one day at a time.

Prevail
Give yourself the charge to empower yourself
One moment at a time
With the help and support from us all
who are right there for you when need be
If you can and have it in you
BE
A little selfish
Go for a couple of days
If the body can withstand the ride
Pamper yourself
Try
That's all
Try
One moment at a time
And always remember
YOU MATTER
Don't you forget that
Love
Me

Alaina,
I think it would be nice to get away; if only for a long weekend.

I loved cooking; but had to give up preparing meals that would take too much time and effort adding to my pain. I found a place that delivers every two weeks quite an assortment of frozen foods, deserts, etc., all of which are very easy prep. It has really been a godsend. My husband does not complain and enjoys whatever I attempt to make for the two of us. Also, it helps me feel a bit more productive.

Wishing you all the best.....that's all any of us have to give.

Gerry

hi alaina. i hope you and your husband have a relaxing and enjoyable vacation. you deserve it! take good care of yourself and have fun!

Oh, no vacation... It would be me, away for a short time next time I have the chance to head up to my parents place up north. It would be for a weekend. Just a short time away from my husband. Time for both of us to have some time by ourselves while away from each other. A chance for both of us to step back, think about our lives, to take a break from each other and take a breath. We have been arguing a bit too much lately, some my fault, some his but always leading to so much verbal aggression from him, that I just shut down. It all just makes the depression harder to deal with. I think a weekend apart would be a good thing for both of us.

I do not know when that would be, but I would like to have a weekend bag ready to go for the next opportunity.

Dear Alaina,

I have just now spotted this thread or I would've replied much, much sooner. I guess I don't look down this way often enough! I am sorry to see you going through so much when you already have such physical pain and challenge to surmount.

So much love and wisdom has been shared here. It is beautiful to see the outpouring of understanding and compassion. Know that you are carried in many hearts.

I think getting away for a respite is an excellent idea. Give yourself extra time if you need. The travel may be challenging and require a recovery day or two. If you can make the trip a little longer if needed then do. You don't want the time eaten by feeling flared.

You have maintained an open heart and helped many others throughout your own suffering. Your attitude and perseverance are greater than you know. I know those dark times are hard but hold fast to the goodness that is within you. Gerry mentioned living one day at a time. There was a while I had to live 5 minutes at a time! Don't give up and remember that you are cared for.

Sending hugs and much healing love, :hug:

Quote:

Originally Posted by PurpleFoot721 (Post 1205736)

Alaina; get that bag packed; have it ready so when the time arises; just do it for your own good. It might be a good thing for your husband to have a little time to himself to listen to the silence when you're not there.

We are here to support you any way we can.:hug:

Gerry

Quote:

Originally Posted by ger715 (Post 1205760)

Nicely said Gerry
You go!
Love
Me

hi again alaina. i hope you can go on a vacation soon and can get some rest and relaxation on your own. enjoy yourself when you do decide to go see your parents. sounds like a great idea. love and hugs.

Alaina,
Have you given any more thought to going for a long weekend to your parents? You had mentioned concern about the long drive. I don't know if you have ever listened to books on CD's. My husband gets them from our library. They are best sellers. That might take your mind of the drive a bit, as well as a stop for something to eat so you can move around. I think this will give you a feeling of accomplishment. You need to do this for yourself.

Gerry

Gerry,

I do still have every intention of getting away for a short time. I am not entirely sure when that will be. I am not able to drive anymore, so I would be relying on my dad to give me a ride. My parents have been staying with my sister lately to help her out. Dad still runs his business down this way and my parents used to stay at one of his rental properties during the week. With my mom now retired, she moved up north for a short while, but realized that my sister needed more help than just my niece was able to provide.

I will talk with my parents when I see them tomorrow for Easter dinner, and let them know that I would very much like to head up with them next time they plan on going up for a weekend, or even a little longer. They both know I am having problems at home, and struggling with depression again. It was originally my mom who made the suggestion to step away for a while and visit with them at their place for a weekend. I just was not ready last time she asked.

Right now, my husband and I seem to be getting along fairly well. I am hoping that I can use this time to be able to talk with him without him loosing control and verbally attacking me. I tried the other night only to have the manipulation and verbal abuse start again. Now that it is calm again, I don't know what to do, but know we need to talk about our problems again. Hopefully with better success. Even if we are able to talk rationally, I still think that a short time apart is still a good thing to do for both of us and plan on getting away next chance I can.