If you have been
 

Getting no support
Rather grief
And tending to someone who can evidently
Think he has things under control
And behaving in such a manner
As my children to me
ANGRY I am ill and although
Like yourself
I must
Not can't
I must do for myself and grandchild
While we watch the ones we love
Treat
I treat my dog who I miss soooooooo much
Better than my family
Talk to like dirt
Push down when down and out
Lied to
As if I do not know my children
You just know when something is up
I am ashamed how my children behave
We were shopping
Meeting an elderly woman who stopped and says
Look at the help you are getting
As Eva puts items in the cart
Four hours it took
Did my back in
Back to Eva
Then Eva looks up hears again saying
What wonderful help you are for grandma
With the saddest face she replies
My best friend Titti left (Corissa)
And started to cry
Then as I console her
I start balling inside
With this lump in my throat
Pill myself together and did it
Painfully but I did it
What would I do without my meds
I am only relieved to a five
On that scale
0 to 10
Where would I be
My Heavenly Father is in my soul
I feel the lift
It's gonna get better
Because He is in control
He will work it out for me and you
I am so glad to see you have the support from
Mom and Dad
And Heavenly Father
I pray we feel empowered
It's gotta get better
This much I beleive
For the better
Nobody can take the power we are given
Free will
But to do the right thing is who I choose to be
I like who I am
Get to that place
Oh it is hard
But you said it
WE MUST DO FOR OURSELVES
their life hasn't stopped
Like ours
We had no control over our body
This you know
Be well as you find solace at you parents place
Keep moving forward
If we don't
Depression is waiting out my door
And "it" will NOT get the best of me
I worry about my daughter
In a book she had laying around
She makes two
Reasons to stay
Column one was guidance
Column two was FREEDOM
I never kept her hostage
Her life was by her making
I do not question my parenting
As her father does not deal with the children in his life
It will be the second very young wife
To cook clean and deal with the children
That means throwing shoes at them
This is where she wants to be
This I cannot control
She is eighteen that magical age
You get my drift
Fearful she may never change
and that person who throws pennies away
Not to mention hers to throw
This is what she did when living with me
And that speaks volumes
Staying strong
As I know I set a good example
In so many ways
There is NO EXCUSE
now my daughter Eva's mother
Harassing me early in the morning
I have to answer it would ring and ring and ring
Three times
Because
Get this
She misses me
And was thinking about me
Get the picture
Told her not to worry
You haven't in the past
Stop calling with your empty stories
how she is going to get her turd together
She will be turning five
How long does she expect me to wait
Love
Me

Alaina,
I am so sorry this is happening to you. You don't deserve this kind of treatment. No one does. For your own welfare and safety; you need to move away from him. He does not appear to want to even try. You have done all you can. Thankfully, you have the support of your parents.

Praying you will have the strength to do what you need to do. I realize it hurts; but you need to have peace in your life. Dealing with physical pain and then having to endure this mental pain is no longer an option. You need to take care of yourself.


Gerry

Alaina,

I hope you have a good weekend at your parents. You have sure been on my heart. I am so sorry you have to go through this. So glad you have the support of your parents. Thanks for checking in.
Take care,
zinnia

Alaina, I hope that spending some time with your parents helps you.

:hug:

Wednesday has been and gone here
 

I'm thinking of you and your packing. I hope and pray you are emotionally as well as you can be, that you are not alone and most of all you have not overdone it and put your pain wracked body in further pain. :hug::hug:

May you both can find
 

Happiness
Where is it written we have but other to take care of
Who
Who takes care of us

I have right now no man who is inconsiderate
For me it's my children

I spoke of a fella I met on the elevator
Met him last night for the very first time
He is sixty two
And looks like Clint Eastwood
Just a little for the visual

We spoke a few times after I gave him my number
He used it for Christmas Eve again at Easter Sunday
Needless
It felt strange having a man in my home
My granddaughter was insure how to react
I told her it was a new friend

We spoke the entire time
He looked at me a few times
Ya know checking me out when he thaught I wasn't looking
or I would catch him
We got some things out of the way
Meaning what I would hope to be looking for
We could be friends
The strange thing is
I made it perfectly clear I was not interested in a booty call
this I can get if I need that kind of attention

At the end of the evening
I walked him to the door
Began opening up the door
Undoing the chains
And he leans in and kissed me
Definately not expecting it after the talk we just had

You would think I would be flattered
I did not want a kiss
That was for another time
I wanted someone who wouldn't go there right away
May you understand or not
The stuff that has been the norm in my life is gone
I am doing this alone
I don't want to be alone
But I am

My daughter who recently took flight
Texted me yesterday
I was ready to return responses

Selfish in her request
When can she see Eva
As if the separation was healty
The child hurts so badly
She goes through spurts throughout the day crying secretly
drawing pictures of my daughter her and myself in hearts
It is a trip and a half
Holding on for dear LIFE
LIFE
As it comes
On its terms
Not allowing things to happen to us from others who we hoped we could count on
I know I can come here and always find some comfort
Thank you to those for that
May I be empowering to others
In Jesus I trust
In God I beleive
Be well
Love me

It has been a very stressful and sad week for me. I did end up leaving my husband on Wednesday. I am now at my sister's house where there is not a whole lot of room. While my niece is off at college, I am staying in her room. It is upstairs which makes things rather difficult for me. When she returns in a little over a week, we are not sure what is going to happen and where I will end up staying. I can not expect either of my nieces or my sister to give up their room or privacy. It is their home and although my mom has brought it up, I do not feel comfortable doing so. It makes me feel like a burden around here, which does not help me and my thoughts, and only adds to my sadness.

I also had my disability hearing on Wednesday as well. That went rather well. My lawyer knew exactly what questions were going to be asked and gave his suggestions on my answers prior to going in. He does not know how the ALJ would pass a denial based on what I had to say, the medical records they have, and what the occupational evaluation expert had to say.

With such a busy day, I did have an appointment scheduled with my psychologist yesterday. Unfortunately, she ended up with a migraine and was only there for 5 minutes to talk briefly with me before heading home. These things happen. It just means that I will have to wait until next week to talk with her.

I just wanted to come on here and say thank you everybody. :hug::hug::hug: You have all given me a great deal of caring and support while going through the most difficult time of my life.

Aliana,

It is good to hear about your progress. You have been in my thoughts and prayers. You have taken a big step. It must have been really hard to leave your husband and your home, sorry you have to go through this difficult time. Glad to hear you have the support of your sister and family, your sister may be really glad that she is able to be there for you. You will get through this one baby step at a time, one day at a time. It helps me to know, no matter what I am going through, this too shall pass, that I am
going >>>>>>through>>>>>. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, and it is not an oncoming train. :-)

It is good to hear that your disability hearing went well. I am sure you are glad to get that done, another big step. It sounds like you have a good lawyer. You are working through many things, it will take time. Take care and thanks for sharing with us. (((((Aliana)))))
peace
zinnia

Alaina,

I hope you are able to get some rest. Snuggle down in your new nest and let it all goooo. Take a few deep breaths. Wish I could remember more often to focus on my breath, as it is so calming. I guess it is like anything you have to practice, practice, practice until it becomes a part of you. Anything to take the focus off of the pain. I was just playing my keyboard that helps me to focus on something good. I know I need to focus on the things I can do. Tomorrow I will make us Swiss Steak, one step at a time, then go and rest, it may take all morning, but I will get it in the oven.
Sweet dreams
peace
zinnia

Aliana,

I have been checking in hoping you would soon post. I realize this has to be very difficult for you at this time. This only shows what a strong lady you are. I'm sure your accommodations will eventually work themselves out. It will take time. Know our thoughts are with you.


Gerry