Glad you are still planning to do a get-away; this will be good for both of you. As I had mentioned before; he might realize he does not like being alone. Either way; it would be good for you.

Even if the two of you are starting to get along; it does not appear that any time is a good time to talk with him. So you just might have to decide if you can continue without being able to discuss any issues with him. It will just "set him off". You may have to resign yourself to living this way or what, if any, alternatives do you have in mind???

Gerry

Alaina, I hope that some time apart will work for you and your husband.

This is not about me but that worked well for me and my partner when things were not so good between us.

:hug:

Right now I do not have any alternatives figured out. It is one of several things that I am working on with my psychologist. Things have been this way for far too long and something needs to change. It is something that I am not sure how much longer I can deal with. It was fine when I was able to get away, head to work, work in the yard, canning, cooking, head to the basement to the spare room. Now those things are no longer available as something I can do. No where to escape, so little I feel I can do. It has taken its toll on me. Having to deal with this all day, every day for a little over a year, plus the problems we have had before this, have pushed me back down and feeling hopeless.

We have been doing well these past couple of days. I just do not know how long it will last this time. A few days, maybe a month or two, I never know. I need to figure out those alternatives and be willing to act on them when the time comes that I need to.

I finally took that trip to my parents this past weekend. It was very peaceful and quiet up where their place is. I spent most of the weekend relaxing, watching the ducks and even an eagle. It is a place to leave all of my stresses behind and try my hardest to try to feel happy. I spent a lot of time talking with my mom this weekend. It is nice to know that she is still there for me when I truly need her. Offering me support and encouragement, opinions and options if my marriage should fail, a place to live if that does happen, guidance and the love that she has shown in the past.

I was not sure if I was going to make it. I had a rather difficult week having 3 doctor appointments and a lot of extra stress as a result of those appointments. My PM decided to put me on Effexor to help deal with the depression. The following day, my PCP tried to put me on Xanax but I would not let him, but decided to send my pharmacist a prescription for what was supposed to be Trazodone, but ended up sending for Tramadol. That messes things up with my contract with my PM so I had to get that straightened out. I still refused to pick up the Trazodone. I am not starting 2 medications at the same time again. Then I find out while at my Orthopedic appointment, that I have osteoporosis in at least my right foot and lower leg. To top off the week, I had a few arguments with my husband that always end up one sided. As a result of this stressful week, I had a major increase in both physical and emotional pain. I had to get out of the house. I was going to go to my parents no matter what.

I was doing fairly well from the weekend up through part of Monday. Then I had an appointment with my psychologist. Not that it was a bad appointment, just a couple of very difficult conversations that were discussed that I am still very shook up about.

I have not felt this low in a long time. I had a decent weekend, but it was just a weekend. Now I am back to reality and having a very difficult time with it.

Dear Alaina,

I am so glad you were able to get away to a place of respite and security. Having that time of peacefulness is a reminder of how life can be without some of the stress you are facing. When we are under duress over a long period it is difficult to remember a happier state of being. Take this trip as a reminder of what is possible and what you deserve to have. I think now that you have made the first excursion it will be easier to do it again. You know what to expect physically and what wonderful emotional environment you are going into. There is a saying in Latin "Ubi bene, ibi patria" - where you feel good, there is your country. Make the memory of those good feelings and that healthy environment a touchstone. Those feelings give you something to strive for. You know now that they are still within you, just buried under too much yuck.

On a practical note, I am so glad that you have option to stay longer if necessary. That gives you much more freedom in choosing what is best for you. It may be that you decide to take a more extended time away for greater clarity. It would be interesting to see how your pain reduces and what physical healing is possible when you are under less stress.

It is good too that you had those hard conversations with your therapist. That kind of work can be draining but it is so important to really bring those issues to the fore and examine in the light.

Alaina, I know that you face many challenges right now, but you are not without power. You can still change the reality that you are facing. I know that you love your husband and when marriages don't work out it is tragic. However, you deserve, and for your health must have, a partner who is able to be there for you emotionally and financially. That precludes using precious resources for alcohol and substance abuse. It precludes alcohol and substance abuse period. Nor is verbal abuse acceptable. You cannot do this work alone. I pray your husband finds the strength to get back on track and be there for you. You need nourishment of body and soul, no more burdens or strife....

Sending much love and many hugs your way, :hug::hug::hug:

Alaina,
Glad you did finally make the trip to your parents. Your mother's support was really very special. Knowing you do have alternatives and if needed, a place to stay.

Evidentially the conversations psychologist brought some pretty deep feelings to the surface.

It is unfortunate reality took away the enjoyment of your weekend. Hopefully you will consider visiting your parents on a regular basis. You need to get away from this verbal abuse. It may help give you time to reconsider alternatives.

Take care of yourself.

Gerry

How are you
 

Hi Alaina, thinking of you today. I'm wondering how you are and have things improved since you had your weekend away. I hope so :hug:

Aliana,

I am so glad you got to make the trip to your parents house. Maybe you can go back again soon. Good to hear that you have their support, may that give you some peace. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
peace
zinnia

Things have not been going so well for me lately. I will be heading up to my parents place again this weekend to see if that can bring me to a little better place again.

I have been having absolutely no support from my husband over the past two weeks. We are back in separate rooms again until next weekend when I will be most likely moving into my dad's rental house for a little while. I feel I can no longer depend on him for anything anymore. My mom has had to start driving me to my appointments. I have had to figure out how to start taking care of meals again. Then there is the drinking and anger issues. Things have escalated bad enough that it was recommended by my mom and my psychologist that I need to get out now before things turn physical.

Having to deal this all of the sudden has just been too overwhelming for me.

I'm so sorry Alaina, I'm thinking of you as you and all that you are facing. Sending you much love and strength :hug: