It has been too long since I have last posted on here. I am still struggling to pull myself together again. My psychologist claims she can see a difference since my first appointment with her, but I told her that I do not see it myself. Perhaps it is just me. I know that seeing an improvement in mood can be difficult to see in yourself.

My PM and psychologist have raised my Effexor up to near the maximum that I can take. If there is a difference, I do not know if it would be from the Effexor, from a reduction in the amount of stress and problems at home, or a little of both.

I have been spending a lot more time up at my parents place lately. Up here at least every other weekend. This time, I have been here since Thursday, and will be heading back to my sister's house again tomorrow afternoon. We are still unsure of where everyone is planning on sleeping now that my niece is back home from school. As spring moves on and summer comes, my mom and I plan on spending most of the time up here. The couple of days a month that we will be down state, I am sure things will work themselves out.

I did have two enjoyable days for a change. My parents invited a couple of their long time friends over to visit for the weekend. I have not seen them in nearly 8 years. They have a daughter just a few years younger than I that became a good friend of my own growing up. It was nice to hear that she is doing well with two children of her own. Just catching up and hearing all the things happening in their lives made the weekend enjoyable.

Although I have no intention of going back to my husband, I do miss the good things about him that show up from time to time. Hopefully we can still keep a friendship together. I am upset that I have had to leave my little girl, an absolutely sweetheart of a dog that I rescued 9 years ago, but she and my sisters dog do not get along very well.

Alaina

It is good to hear from you. I am glad that you are enjoying your time with your parents, getting away is always good, a change of scenery. It sounds like a beautiful place. Springtime brings such beauty into our lives. I am glad you got to spend time with your parents friends.

It must be encouraging that your psychologist is seeing an improvement. I am glad you have her to talk to. Be gentle with yourself, it takes time to work through all that you have been through. You have taken some big steps, it will take time to adjust. One day at a time. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
:-)
peace
zinnia

Good to learn you are taking some positive steps; maybe just "baby" steps; but all the same you are focused on getting better.

It would be good if you and your husband could remain friends. Just have to be careful not to remember only the good times; which can lead to you possibly forgetting some of the reasons you decided to leave. I read, quite some time ago, the one thing we should not do when divorcing or separating from one's former spouse is to date them. It just seems all too comfortable and can lead back to the old relationship again. (Unless of course, there is definitely a big change in him for the good.)

As always; we care and hope you will soon enjoy more good times.


Gerry

Alaina, I am glad to read about your good days.

I might understand what your psychologist said about seeing an improvement.

I had a very similar experience in the early stages of dealing with my clinical depression - my psychologist said pretty much the same thing - at the time I was doubtful but, with hindsight, she was right.

I hope that will be true for you as well.

:hug:

hi purple. i hope you are doing okay. i am so sorry you are having such a tough time. having rsd is hard enough but to deal with a breakup and not being able to take your dog must be very difficult. i hope that you and your husband can remain friends and that you ask for visitation rights to see your dog. i also hope you know you are not alone. as you can see on this forum the people here care and are always there for support. i care too and am here if you want to talk. i am having some issues with my spouse right now and am not sure where our future will lead to either. and i worry about my pets too. i see a psychiatrist to help with my clinical depression and a pm dr to help deal with my rsd. i am thinking about also seeing a psychologist to help me cope with my rsd, marriage and brother who is battling addiction right now. i am very overwhelmed but know that i know i will get through with the Faith i have. i am proud of you for seeing a dr and sharing your life with others here at NT. you are not alone and the fact that your dr sees improvement in you is great news! you may not see it but they know when you are getting better and stronger. just take things a day at a time and know how so very proud i am of you for your bravery and courage. you are an inspiration to me. hope you feel better soon. soft hugs.:hug:

I concur
And wish the same
To thy self be true
It is good to see others share
The hard core issues
I choose to be open
I would not want to sugar coat any of it
IT IS REAL
I hope to be understood
My Heavenly Father is my rock
I cast no stones
I am real
It is ALL real
Love
Me

I too miss my dog
It hurts to talk about him

i miss the last dog i had too. he was always by my side and we loved each other unconditionally. he was born on nov 22, 2000 and passed away on march 26th 2011 from lupus. i knew him since he was four days old. he truly was my best friend and i miss him so much. it never gets easier but i carry him in my heart always as i know he does the same for me. i am sorry you lost your dog too eva. it is too hard for me to talk about losing him as well but i wanted to share so you knew i understood and that i care. i believe we will be with them again someday in heaven:hug:

(((((( Alaina ))))))
 

Hi Alaina,

I have just read though this thread.
I am very sorry for all of the pain you have endured.
I hope this has led to changes, although difficult at the time, which may prove very helpful in the longer run?

I have been away from NT, somewhat overwhelmed with life, too.

In time, we all do better after the pain of the realizations, the insights, the changes, the loss and grieving... and moving on.

Please do give yourself plenty of self-compassion and time to grieve your loss with your husband. It all takes time.

((((((((( Alaina )))))))))))))

Offering Much Love and Support Your Way, wherever you are right now.

Let's trust all is working out for your highest good.;)

You are on my heart.:hug:

Love All Around,
:grouphug:

Well, it has been quite a while since I have made any postings on NT. I just wanted to give an update to let everybody know that I am doing OK.

Things were not working out all that well at my sister's house after my niece moved back in for her summer break from college. There was just too much chaos going on in too small of a space for my mom to feel comfortable staying there. I am almost always up at my parents house now, only coming down to Metro Detroit for my doctor appointments. With so much moving around, trying to get settled in to one place, I just seem to have a difficult time finding the time to post anything on NT.

I have had a lot of stress lifted off of me in the past couple of months. I was finally approved for SSDI, I officially changed my address to my parents, I have changed my health insurance over from my husbands name into my own and upgraded it from an HMO to a PPO, and I am scheduled to go in for a trial with a Nevro SCS beginning the 14th of July. My husband and I are still trying our hardest to maintain a friendship, but we both know that the marriage is over. I have started looking at what procedures are involved in starting divorce proceedings and am hoping that we can work together to be able to handle it without any lawyers.

With all of that stress lifted, and the Effexor finally helping, I am feeling much better. I am still dealing with quite a bit of anxiety, and the depression still comes and goes at times, but my thoughts are much better than they were just a few months ago.

I am hoping to find the time to post a little more often from now on.

Thank you all so much for cheering me on and giving me the great support you all have given over these past few rather difficult months.

hi alaina. i am so happy things are looking up for you. congrats on being awarded ssdi. i am sorry about your marriage but i am proud of you for being so strong and having a plan on how to move on. it looks like you are heading in the right direction. i hope your trial scs help to provide you with some pain relief from your rsd. you may just want to get several opinions on doing that procedure before you get the trial. i have not tried it yet (saving it as a possible last resort if my meds stop helping). i have heard people who say it helps and hope it will for you too. keep up the positive outlook on life. staying positive helps reduce stress which helps reduce pain as you have already experienced. i feel in my heart that you will manage whatever comes your way with success because you never give up. you are a true rsd warrior. sending soft hugs your way. love and prayers.:hug: