Hi all,
I have not been doing well the last couple days, as many of you know. But, yesterday and today have been the worst. I have zero motivation. My apartment is trashed, and I have been having trouble with my thoughts again. I have been thinking of hurting myself (don't worry, I won't at this point, and Laura is keeping a close eye on me, seeing me 4 times this week.) She is on call today, and is coming over to help me get some of my homework done because I really don't want this bout of depression to win like past bouts have. I just don't know how I am going to get there, but I will. I just don't want to quit school because I know that once I am feeling better, I may regret doing that.

I wrote a letter to my professor of children's literature, and told her a brief bit about my history and that I was struggling mentally right now and asked her for some help in being successful in class despite this huge setback for me. We'll see what that brings. Wellness and stress management I am not too worried about because there isn't that much work in those classes. I just don't want to do poorly in my class that matters, perse.

I have been dealing with physical manifestations of the depression and anxiety I am experiencing, and it is really getting to me. My migraines have flared up again full-force, and I just don't know what to do. I am in a vicious cycle right now. I don't want to eat, I can't sleep (even with medicine), and I can't bring myself to do my homework or housework.

I almost did something I would regret Saturday and didn't call the ACT crisis line, and was told that I should have. I did talk to a friend who talked me out of what I was thinking of doing, but I know that I should have called the crisis line. I will always do that now. I hate DEPRESSION with a passion!!! It is taking over my life once again, and I am about done dealing with it. I am ok, I have lots of support, but I just needed to vent here, as well. I am sorry if I have triggered anything for anyone,but I just had to get it out.

Please keep me in your thoughts, and if I don't post for a few days, its just because I am dealing with so much right now, both physical and emotional. I will read posts, so feel free to reply to this if you wish. I just hope I don't end up in the crisis center over this, because if I do, school is down the tubes for this semester..........Thanks for listening.