[KellyC]

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Hi friends,
I can't sleep, and I need your support and input. First of all, it has been a day. I fell down the stairs at my apartment building, 5 of them, and I am very sore and I have a black eye. So, that makes me not feel good as it is. However, I also went to the nurse practioner today for my head and dizziness. She found I have a fever of about 100. She can't figure out what is making me have fevers, because I am feeling fine other than migraines and dizziness. She did bloodwork, and will let me know about that. In the meantime, I continue to feel like crap. Both emotionally and physically.

Here's the emotional part: I feel like overdosing really bad today, but I feel I have to convey this image to ACT because the doctor was rather rude to me and told me I was looking for an out of school. The truth is, I am looking for an out period. I just don't want to deal with stuff anymore. The only thing I am concerned about is that they don't know the severity of this depression. I was smiling and laughing today with Laura (for the most part) because I feel like I don't have a choice but to do that because she won't "accept" any poor me type stuff. They know I have done so well, and they don't want me to decomp. But that doesn't change the fact that I am.........life is just too much right now. I need to know suggestions on how to tell them how bad I am feeling, because by the way I am going, I am not getting my point accross and they think I am just a little down, but its much more than that. I have tried everything to get out of this...visiting friends, even though people are adgitating me, just doing my homework and not thinking about it (not a good thing), lauging even though I don't feel like it, etc. and nothing has worked. I feel really invalidated by them (ACT.) I need ideas please!!! I almost feel like there are 2 me's......one that is forced by ACT, and one of me whose true feelings aren't being acknowledged. If that makes sense. Please help............Thanks.