down and out
 

No nothing u said upsetted me I have been so tired and down havent been out of bed in 3 days. Just hard to function i am out of bed today because i have to go see my therapist i have tried 8 different medications and 3 different dr's. I dont start the new medicine untill i go back to my dr which is june 17 right now i am taking lower doses of all 4 of my medicines to get me off them to try the mao inhibitors. than on the 17 we will talk about ect or vns. I hope i see the light at the end of the tunnel soon. I hate to say this but i used to go to church alot as a little girl and stopped going when i was 16 when i was beaten and rapped i used to go to sunday school and church on thursdays too. I guess i stopped believing in everything at that point thank you for all your support hope u are doing better than i am.:hug:

Denise
 

I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this.

I stoped going to church when I was a kid,and I started going back when I was in my 30's. We all struggle with our faith at some point.

There is something out there thats going to work for you. I truly believe it. Hang in there.

I'm very tired right now. I wish that I had more to say. Brokenfriend

Denise
 

I'm thinking of you. Hang in there. I know how depression is. It drains everything in you,and people cannot imagine the degree of depression that you are in,but I can. I know how it hurts also.

Please hear my heart. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I also believe that help is on it's way for you. You have existence for a reason.

I know that the attack on your life doesn't make sense,and It makes you hurt. It sounds like this hurt has gone on for a long time. As I wrote that down, my heart deeply grieved your hurt. I'm so sorry that this has hurt you for so long.

I know that this sounds shallow,but think about the good things that you have in your life. Write them down. Are you able to laugh at all at comedy?

I know that stopping taking one medicine,to take another,is rough. Poor girl. Did they give you anything to help in the transition. My heart goes out to you. When you go through this you feel so alone. I know this. You are alive,and other people have various degrees of depression. Yours sounds very rough. Don't give up.

When you start taking that new medicine,it might help. I hope that it does. How are you doing? Have you been in bed for about 5 days. Hang in there. I understand. I'm glad that your husband cares about you.

Your doctor should have never ever said that medicines don't work for some people. That's absolutely devastating when doctors say things like this. It makes people loose hope. Sometimes it's a matter of trial,and error. You may need a combination of medicines. You may need a new doctor. He,or she doesn't sound like a good one. How long have you been going to him,or her?

Do you have pets? They are nice. I've noticed that some dogs seem to have compassion for a persons feelings. Brokenfriend:hug::hug::hug::grouphug:

Thank you for all your advice. My husband got me out of bed yesterday and took me to the beach with my 2 sons. The night before i was crying to him telling him i think i am defeated. and he was concerned for my life so he made me promise that i would be there in the morning to take my kids to the beach and i made a promise and i kept it it was nice to see my kids have fun and than i stopped and wondered if that would be my last time there with them. and than thoughts raced through my head about my 3 year old not remembering me if i passed away this is horrible coming off this medication i cant even have a good train of thought so sorry if this is not spelled right or doesnt make sense the drs are going to put me on a new med on tues and i called and left him a message saying that i am scared for my life at this point because i am falling in a deep hole thank you again brokenfriend for everything:hug:

Denise your husband sounds like a thoughtful, caring man....another reason to stay alive...your children are another reason.

I met a very wise man on another forum...he fought suicidal thoughts his entire life...died of old age but not before teaching a whole bunch of us how to redirect those thoughts. He truely understood that it's exhausting work but he'd tell you that you are worth the fight....and that's what you are in...a fight for your life.

His name was Pter and here are some of his words:

As to the thoughts, I will be the first to say they are exhausting and, as I have said previously, they tire us to a point where we honestly believe suicide is the only solution. It is not. BEFRIEND and TALK. These thoughts are a part of you, for better or worse. I believe strongly in a physiological connection with suicidal thoughts. Our fear of the thought stimulates a negative physiological reaction which appears to give the negative thoughts enhanced power over us. Step back for a moment and place yourself in an imaginary situation. You see a child running into a busy roadway...you run quickly to save this child from oncoming cars...feel the reaction rising in your body. The adrenaline pounding throughout your body and brain. Now the rescue is over, your alone, feel the exhaustion of your body and mind.

You are rescuing yourself daily, hourly, every few minutes. Each thought envokes a physiological reaction with the end result being exhaustion. Befriend this thought. Treat it as you would the child who ran into the pathway of cars. Hold it, talk to it, teach it that there is another way to walk the roads of life. Post it here and allow others to comfort it. Do not be ashamed of it. What is it really but a thought that wants attention. Understand now, I did not say a PERSON who wants attention but a THOUGHT that wants attention from that person. It is the fight against the thought that tires us and makes us vulnerable to enactment of the thought.

I cannot give you a reason to live. I can, however, take away your reason for dying. An untrained unaccepted thought is not justification for death.


:hug:

thank you so much my husband read it and said see you are going through the same thing that many other people do and you are not alone and that helped me i appreciate it alot thank you so much for your advice and wisdom.

You're welcome dear lady..please remember that we are here for you. You need to talk to us...to tell us how you are feeling so we can be there for you...we take turns holding each other up. :grouphug:

I don't have any advice for you right now, but I want you to know that you've been on my mind.

I hope today has been a little better for you and please continue to let us know how you're getting on, because we all care for you Denise.

Lots of Koala hugs coming your way.

Denise
 

What did your Doctor say? Did he call you back? Brokenfriend:hug::grouphug:

He thinks i am a danger to myself right now I might have to be hospitalized for awhile i will let yous know as soon as i know something. if i get hospitalized i will tell my husband to let yous know he knows what a great support yous all have been yous are in my hearts too yous are like family to me now thanks again and take care:hug: