[houghchrst]

I am doing alright. I am maintaining. Not happy, not depressed. Despite everything going on around me I have managed to reach a level that can sustain me through the days. Everything is walled up nice and neat, mom in the hospital, surgery on my leg, money bad bad, lots of death and I manage to take a step back to be able to maintain my sanity.

Walled, high and thick, then I am driving and feel a mental shift, takes just a simple question, a perceived slight, almost as though the top half of my brain shifts sideways a bit. I feel a change, but I pretend to myself that I am ignoring it and maintain, I think. Home, safe, mean feeling, meat is spoiled, no dinner, waste of money we don't have. Goes in trash, trash bag is leaking on floor, wall is leaking in head, suddenly faster and faster it rushes, too fast for me to stop up. I have to hurry!! Where to go to let it out??!! Grin crazily at child to reassure that I am not crazy on way to haven. Light out. Silent, open mouthed cries. The wall has crumbled. All my work for just days of "peace?" gone so quickly. So easily.

Cries, think of it all now, get it all out now, make sure everything is thought of, cried over, cover it all. Suddenly arms are warm and hold in comfort. Give me strength and silent understanding.

I pick up a brick.............

[Brokenfriend]

I'm so sorry. I hear your heart. I'm sending (((Hugs))) your way. BF

[Twinkletoes]

You have such a great way of expressing yourself.

Here's some more bricks for you. I'll send BF for the mortar.

You can do it, Christina. You are strong. One brick at a time.

[mistiis]

Hi Chrst.....I am sorry you are struggling. Considering what you are going through..well...I hope things are a bit better today.

[houghchrst]

Today things are better. I have a project, oldest to MRI.

I am sleeping way too much and I think it is a form of avoidance. My house is a mess but my body hurts less LOL. Haven't decided if it is a fair trade off yet.

My leg hurts worse now then the day after they removed the hardware last Tuesday. Anybody have hardware removed from leg bone? So I think I am overdoing it because I was so surprised it was so simple and relatively painless. Well now I seem to be paying for it.

I almost dropped my camera for dummies class. Anxiety, tired, but I went and learned a lot and was glad I went and my significant other was so glad to see me when I got home that we cuddled on the couch. Usually I just go to my room, he deserves better.

Okay I am babbling, sorry.

Thank you for everybody who had a kind word to say. I needed it.

[Burntmarshmallow]

I am happy you did not drop the camera class!! A few years ago I decided to go to a writing class (free to public) so I could over come my hang ups of speaking to other people and reading to a room of people. It helped me termendously almost like counciling sessions lol. see I broke my lower jaw on both side have steel plates on both sides and horrible face pain... I had ahate for everyone whos mouth worked and could speak well. I could not even watch TV. I needed to get over that get rid of that negitive..accept myself and learn to deal. so I went and I read and I have over come that hang up. I hope your able to do the same with your class .I hope you find it better then you thought it would be. Seems you other half missed you and also he was probly very happy that You went and did something YOU wanted .
as for having things removed from bone, I can not help you with that but i can understand the pain you would get a few week after.i had my jaw wired and unwired 2 times , not the same but it hurt like a s.o.b. I send Low pain at you!
I hope you start feeling better and send a tidal wave of healing and motovation splashed with peaceful happiness.
BMW