[Tiger_lilly07]

Hello everyone, sorry it's been so long since I've been here and I hope everyone is doing well. I guess I just need to vent, it's bad enough that I have depression along with the big E but I'm also 29 and still having to live with my parents. My epilepsy is doing much better after the last surgery but the depression isn't any better. I have no social life what so ever and it's getting pretty hard for me to try and stay positive. I just moved to a new house and don't know anyone in the area or surrounding areas. I'm very grateful and lucky to have the parents I have but the way my mother is talking to me these days isn't right. I do understand she has her own problems but she doesn't think anything is wrong with her. She has major anxiety issues and I always seem to get caught in her war path. I have a therapist and he's helping a lot but when I get home it's a whole different story. I'm not looking for pity, it's just pretty hard when you have no one you can relate to or even vent to about certain issues(medical or not) nor have any friends.

[Tattoo2]

I can identify for sure. i was older than you when I had surgery, but I had very severe depression after too. I think it is a part of the big adjusment after surgery like we had. I had a right anterior temporal lobectomy with amygdalo-hippocampectomy 10 yrs ago now. I did it alone. I had no one there with me. I can really identify with the aloneness that you feel and how others may not understand how you may feel. I feel the same, and it is hard not having those who can understand. I think some of the depression we feel after surgery is due to the change in meds, possible reduction, we are used to and also to a grief process due to the big chsnge in our lives and also in identity that surgery causes. It is a good change, but it is a loss of the way things were. I took an antidepressant for a while after surgery. Zoloft is what i took. Your parents will have to adjust as well, so I can see how things will be tough for them too. Any chroinc illness affects the entire family and when one gets better or makes a big change , it also makes all others have to adjust too. YOu also may be learning to live by yourself for the first time i don't know. I was by myself since I left home at 18 and still am alone. I think it wold be hard to have a close relationship with someone but you are younger and have a chance to learn how to do that. I fear it is too late for me. I have abandonment issues from childhood and many with chronic illness has this issue. I am in graduiate school and had a bad preceptor this past semester which made it hard for me in school. I am very afraid if what this did to my chances for success at this school and am looking to a possible transfer i feel like my future is over now! I wanted to reach potential after my surgery vey badly, but it is now all not at all secure. That brings back all my abandonment issues too. I am alone in dealing with this which makes it harder. I have three siblings who do not keep in touch with me.
So, no one calls and seldom emails. i am truly alone. No kids nor husband.I do know what you mean so you aren't really alone. No one can offer their experience with that either so it leaves me very alone in that as well. I did join AlAnon since my mother was alcoholic which gave me a place to belong. that helped immensely! I also found oher things I really wanted to do and got involved in those things too. That gave me other groups of people I had something in common with. Look for those things. Surgery was the right thing for me to do and i am very hapy I did it! I had to learn how to live this new life which is hard to do and does require a huge adjustment! I am learning how to walk this new walk, and it is lonely as you know. It is also exciting *** well. I hope this helps, and I am glad to meet another. Your post helped me too. I was thinking about this all day. Thank you Tattoo

[Darlene]

It is nice to see you back. We all have been missing you. My thoughts and prayers are coming your way.

[Porkette]

Hi Tiger Lilly,
It's great to see you back again! Just like you I had problems with depression and my family rejecting me when I was just a young teenager. I found the best thing to do is to keep busy I started doing volunteer work for the Red Cross Blood Drives and I made a lot of friends. Then I got out in the working world and take my word after that I didn't have enough time to be thinking sad or depressing thoughts. One thing that really helped me was going to church and making friends at the church. Just remember that one reason why you feel depresseed is because of the epilepsy not to mention the AED's you take. My family still doesn't see me unless we see each other at a store. Nobody in my family calls me or anything but what keeps me going there is knowing I've done all that I can to please them, I've had surgery twice, and I have been out on my own since I was 14-15 yrs. old because my parents were ashamed of my epilepsy. Now they are regreting it and they see how my epilepsy didn't stop me one bit from working, having a home, being married, etc. I know you can do it also. Here's wishing you well and May God Bless You!

Sue

[Tiger_lilly07]

Thank you Everyone(Big Hugs!!), It really does help to know that I'm not alone with the depression. It's so hard to try and explain to my parents(and others) that I'm not only depressed because of Epilepsy but because I'm still living with them at 29. I want to be dating, having fun with friends but it's not that easy. I feel like I'm in prison and the world is passing me by. Everyone tells me I'm strong but I'm not, it's so hard to not just give up on everything than live in this body sometimes. I'm trying to get somethings situated to possibly go back to school for my cna, I need something or I know the depression will get worse. I do have a therapist and he's helping a lot. I'm also on Cymbalta, it's not working great but at least it's working some. After my third brain surgery the depression just got worse and so did my headaches. The anxiety has seemed to increase over the past year but who know's why? Sometimes I feel like I'm loosing my mind trying to figure out why I'm reacting to something or why I feel the way I do about something. It's hard to stay positive when a lot around me is negative you know? I'm trying my very best and I did start going back to church and I hope I will be able to go back to school someday soon

[Belinda1217]

tiger_Lily
I can understand were ur coming from, I had my RTL when I was20 and it wasn't a success and didn't move out on my own for 1st time till I was 26 and had move back because of my sz's.I've had problems with depression numerous times in my life starting as a teenager.
I know how hard it is stay positive when my seizures keep increasing wont get any decent control.
My mother always seemed be ashamed I had epilepsy because I wasn't controlled and still is to this day.
I hope you get feeling better now.
Belinda