First, forgive the fake name- I don't want to expose identities. I am 2yrs 3 months in recovery from severe traumatic injury, with frontal and temporal lobe damage. My partners behaviour has always been worrying since my accident, and though we lived together for 1 year after hospital treatments, I had to leave as it was too stressful. I couldn't understand her mood changes, possible secretive alcohol abuse, unpredictability and changability. It was also difficult to recover as a person to recover at the same time. However, we renewed friendship and we are still close, but live apart, but I have to be careful to turn off my phone in case she practically an episode (up to 5 or 6). She is currently in an extreme bout. About 6 weeks ago, she called to say it's ok that we separate. It was wonderfully brave and loving of her, and I was relieved as I knew that she was not able to cope with my TBI impairments. It would free up her life and my own, but we could still be friends. She had had an affair, which I forgave, and still do. But then she started fighting with her friends and family, became incomprehensible at times, has been accused of being an alcoholic by some members of her family and they were all calling me as if it was my fault. I felt under pressure to pretend that I would go back, but I can't. Then she started threatening to kill herself, making claims she got the worst deal (which doesn't make sense to me). I told her legal matters were bottom of the list for me, but that even though I am not her husband, I am her friend, but just cannot go into certain levels with her. This was very difficult. I am also currently in adjustment to medication for frontal lobe damage. I arranged with her to see my psychiatrist (which I would have to switch to make this possible) then call her family to say that she is getting the care she needs, and that she will tell them about it when she is ready. I also had to say I cannot be an intermediary- I can't function on that level. The next step was just to wait for her appointment. Then today, texted her to say hi and give my support, but she didn't answer. Finally she did call me and said she was now in a mental hospital and had volunteered herself in. It was horrific. To my mind, this seems like a bipolar episode depressive phase- but what can I do? I can't visit her as I can't drive, so would be dependent on family, but then goes on to say she hates my family and I'm not allowed to tell them. She also seems to blame all of this because I'm gone and I'm very very worried that she will pressure me into making a false claim that I'll come back to her, which is impossible. We have seen family counselling many times, where it's impossible to talk as she goes into extremely high emotional states- I'm confused and feel paranoid and feel as I'm am to blame for her mental illness, even though I almost died two years ago... has any other TBI survivor had to experience their partners, ex or otherwise, have a mental illness while you are in recovery from TBI? I'm in shock- I don't know what to do and I have to keep this secret- and she keeps threatening suicide. Is it an act? Is it covert abuse? Is it undiagnosed bipolar disorder she has or this alcoholism? I can't even tell her family for fear of what she'll do - is she wearing her version of my injuries (which are very different)? I can't tell anymore- I feel like I'm in limbo and would just like some insight from outside.

Hello John,

I just wanted to say welcome to the NeuroTalk Support Groups.
I'm really sorry you're dealing with so much.

What is happening to you right now seems very complex and it must be very difficult while you're still recovering and learning to live with your own serious health issues. It almost reads as if you're blaming yourself in some ways for your former partner's own health issues.

Now that you're apart, and she is in the hospital, have you considered getting some professional counselling for yourself to help you deal with everything else that is going on in your life.


btw, we do have a TBI/PCS forum here.

take care there. Please try to get some counselling because it just might help you make more sense of what has been going on in your relationship.

Welcome John Titor.

Thanks for getting back to me Lara. I was deeply shocked when I wrote about my situation, but thankfully with some intervention and some brave moves on her behalf, and a psychiatrist for her own private referral, I believe that we are both getting back to solid ground, even though our paths are different. She is now getting the support that she needs to help her get her own life on her own personal track, as am I. So, while we are no longer partners, I think its possible we will transition to a new life as friends, in good time. Right now, she is taking her own life back in control and I am so happy for her to make these first steps. And the situation is PTSD, so she does not have a lifelong mental illness- the accident that caused my injuries hurt many more people in different ways than I am only beginning to realise. I'm her the best in her own recovery from her own traumatic events. She is now my soul sister. It helped to reach out and just hear back- thanks Lara. Wishing you the best, John.

Hello John,
Thanks for the update. Everything certainly sounds more positive now.

I'm very pleased to read that she is getting support and treatment and I hope she's feeling a lot stronger very soon.

Don't forget to look after yourself.