Faith,

I'm so sorry you're having these symptoms and the problem with your DH as well. I hope the steroids will help and you'll be feeling better soon.

Ditto what Midge said...so sorry to hear of your troubles, Faith. Know that we're here for you in whatever virtual capacity we can be...our thoughts and prayers are with you...
I wonder if that drug...what's it called...Zenvia? would help you. It helps the problem of oh shoot...swiss cheese time...I'll come back when I can remember...

...pseudobulbar affect syndrome. when the frontal, reasoning center is disconnected from the amygdala, which is the primal, emotional center. The drug helps the neural connections so we don't get an inappropriate response.

I do hope you and DH can figure this situation out...sounds as if you're both having health problems that contribute to the situation...
thanks for being honest with what's going on...I never knew that this was a problem before...with MS patients.

Faith

The biggest thing is that you NEED to be able to speak HONESTLY to your spouse. It sounds like communication has broken down, and you are not currently able to even share the most basic of information, such as "I think I am in a flare" without him fearing that you are jumping off mount crazy lady.

PLEASE seek some counsel. its mega important to have someone to talk to.

I spoke to my MS MD about how strange that sx is for me. He told me its pretty common for the appetite to change. For 75% it goes the other way! Most dont want sex or attention, most want to be left alone. Hmmm...how can I explain it without being graphic...normally I am not a hungry type girl. Can take it over leave it. In flare, I am just more aware. I am not jumping out of my skin, nor am i banging into walls. The depression that can come with a flare along with his cousin anxiety can really make you question what you currently hold in your hand vs what could be had around the corner. Esp if your current situation is one of frustration or fear or neglect. That goes for NON MS folks as well.

I hope you feel better. Please know you are loved, and cared about. Its not about tricking the husband into believing anything. its about opening some honest conversation and a discussion about behavior on BOTH sides of the fence. Because I am stable, in a secure marriage with a wonderful man, I cant fathom the need to go elsewhere, but I am not sure how I would react should I be in a trouble marriage with a man who doenst trust me.

A hospital may be a good idea if for nothing else, access to a higher level of care, and some time away from the marital home to think, rest, and recover. please feel better.

Not getting any better. Is not open to perspectives other than his own.

This is a hard one for me since I am on the spousal side. Since this is something new, I would suspect it has something to do with the flare, maybe. I just don't know because as a spouse I would question it as well. Please do not think ill of me, just giving you the spouse side as best I can. I told Trish I didn't even know how to respond and be bias.

However, with that being said, I do hope you seek some sort of help because this is not normal. When I read your first post I knew immediately this is not the Faith we "know" at all. It seems strange that your husband would not feel the same way. But, with that said, I can also feel his pain and his anger that you would even think about a site like that because you weren't getting any at home. That's not a judgment, it's how a spouse would feel.

I know if Jim did something like this my first reaction would be hurt and utter devastation that he even thought to go and solicit sex from someone else. In our world sex is not a priority in our relationship at all. It's good, don't get me wrong, and yes we still do. But if I had to go without it's all good in that sense as well. Intimacy is more of a priority for us. So, yeah, if Jim even thought about what you almost did I would be hurt and feel my world was turned upside down.

I think your husband may be feeling the same way. Think about it, he is having issues in that area too. To have his wife look outside the marital home must be a huge blow to his ego. He may be hiding it behind his anger so you don't see the hurt. I think anger is a normal and appropriate response to this and I think you need to give him time to digest it all and grieve it.

If this is a medical problem brought on by your flare than you need to prove that to him. Yes, prove it because not everyone would jump to that conclusion if they do not have ms or know what a flare can do. Hell, even I didn't know it until your post. I truly am sorry your going through this, I really am because this is not like you. Please get to a doctor and get this resolved so your husband can see that it may be related to your flare.

I know your thinking why should you have to prove that to him or yourself? Because this is your marriage and he will need to know that is the reason behind your behavior. Only then will he be able to move passed it and forgive. Even if it's not due to the flare he may be able to get passed it but that will take some time as well.

Please do not think I am judging you. Just wanted you to see the other side and why he may be behaving like that. We spouses who stay, and there are many who do, stay because we love our spouse. MS is not a factor and never will be. But when something like this happens, it crushes everything we believe in and makes us wonder why we tried? Hope that makes sense.

I do hope you two work it out. Be honest and open with him. He's only human.

Faith

Thx for your reply, Sandy. Yes, not "getting it at home", by itself would not be a reason to seek someone else. But, when there is skewed thinking related to an illness, that is not difficult for me to understand. Over the 8 yrs that I've had MS, my symptoms have been so many and so varied, that nothing will surprise either me or DH.

He is the one that clued in to it being a symptom of the disease. He knows how oddly it can, and has affected me. Although he is hurt and angry, he is usually not blaming, and he will forgive me, because it was not me. I had no control, or concept that, under the circumstances, this could actually be wrong. It was very easy to justify it, even tho, in my head, I knew that it would be breaking marriage vows.

Not sure that proof is possible. Might have been, 5 days ago, prior to steroids, if I'd had an MRI, but inflammation is likely to be gone. Is there another clinical way to prove a flare?

Also not sure that proof is necessary, as he believes that it is a result of my MS.

~ Faith