...pseudobulbar affect syndrome. when the frontal, reasoning center is disconnected from the amygdala, which is the primal, emotional center. The drug helps the neural connections so we don't get an inappropriate response.

I do hope you and DH can figure this situation out...sounds as if you're both having health problems that contribute to the situation...
thanks for being honest with what's going on...I never knew that this was a problem before...with MS patients.

Faith

The biggest thing is that you NEED to be able to speak HONESTLY to your spouse. It sounds like communication has broken down, and you are not currently able to even share the most basic of information, such as "I think I am in a flare" without him fearing that you are jumping off mount crazy lady.

PLEASE seek some counsel. its mega important to have someone to talk to.

I spoke to my MS MD about how strange that sx is for me. He told me its pretty common for the appetite to change. For 75% it goes the other way! Most dont want sex or attention, most want to be left alone. Hmmm...how can I explain it without being graphic...normally I am not a hungry type girl. Can take it over leave it. In flare, I am just more aware. I am not jumping out of my skin, nor am i banging into walls. The depression that can come with a flare along with his cousin anxiety can really make you question what you currently hold in your hand vs what could be had around the corner. Esp if your current situation is one of frustration or fear or neglect. That goes for NON MS folks as well.

I hope you feel better. Please know you are loved, and cared about. Its not about tricking the husband into believing anything. its about opening some honest conversation and a discussion about behavior on BOTH sides of the fence. Because I am stable, in a secure marriage with a wonderful man, I cant fathom the need to go elsewhere, but I am not sure how I would react should I be in a trouble marriage with a man who doenst trust me.

A hospital may be a good idea if for nothing else, access to a higher level of care, and some time away from the marital home to think, rest, and recover. please feel better.

Did he give a reason why he did this? Could you be displaying behaviors that you are not aware of and/or remember? He may actually be doing this to protect you. You already know you are exhibiting abnormal behavior in your "soliciting" so you may be doing other things that you are not aware of.

Communicate this with him as well as your dr. as it is important to your health and well being. It may be easier for you and him to go to your dr. together.

Additionally, is the flare your are experiencing from a lesion in your frontal lobe?

Not getting any better. Is not open to perspectives other than his own.

No MRI, so I don't know where lesions are.

DH has been very verbal about "other things", but comes up w/ minor stuff, such as enjoying music "too much" and characterizing it as towards manic.

Is basing current concerns on behavior prior to Sunday.

~ Faith

This is a hard one for me since I am on the spousal side. Since this is something new, I would suspect it has something to do with the flare, maybe. I just don't know because as a spouse I would question it as well. Please do not think ill of me, just giving you the spouse side as best I can. I told Trish I didn't even know how to respond and be bias.

However, with that being said, I do hope you seek some sort of help because this is not normal. When I read your first post I knew immediately this is not the Faith we "know" at all. It seems strange that your husband would not feel the same way. But, with that said, I can also feel his pain and his anger that you would even think about a site like that because you weren't getting any at home. That's not a judgment, it's how a spouse would feel.

I know if Jim did something like this my first reaction would be hurt and utter devastation that he even thought to go and solicit sex from someone else. In our world sex is not a priority in our relationship at all. It's good, don't get me wrong, and yes we still do. But if I had to go without it's all good in that sense as well. Intimacy is more of a priority for us. So, yeah, if Jim even thought about what you almost did I would be hurt and feel my world was turned upside down.

I think your husband may be feeling the same way. Think about it, he is having issues in that area too. To have his wife look outside the marital home must be a huge blow to his ego. He may be hiding it behind his anger so you don't see the hurt. I think anger is a normal and appropriate response to this and I think you need to give him time to digest it all and grieve it.

If this is a medical problem brought on by your flare than you need to prove that to him. Yes, prove it because not everyone would jump to that conclusion if they do not have ms or know what a flare can do. Hell, even I didn't know it until your post. I truly am sorry your going through this, I really am because this is not like you. Please get to a doctor and get this resolved so your husband can see that it may be related to your flare.

I know your thinking why should you have to prove that to him or yourself? Because this is your marriage and he will need to know that is the reason behind your behavior. Only then will he be able to move passed it and forgive. Even if it's not due to the flare he may be able to get passed it but that will take some time as well.

Please do not think I am judging you. Just wanted you to see the other side and why he may be behaving like that. We spouses who stay, and there are many who do, stay because we love our spouse. MS is not a factor and never will be. But when something like this happens, it crushes everything we believe in and makes us wonder why we tried? Hope that makes sense.

I do hope you two work it out. Be honest and open with him. He's only human.

Faith

I can't make my thoughts come out cohesively right now so I hope you don't take this wrong, but I'm seeing both sides in a way. You know that you often lose touch with reality when in a flare. He knows that, too. Just the fact that you are posting details like this seems out of character for you.

You are probably worried that he is never going to ease up. I hope that once you are out of this flare, that things will normalize. I hope that the steroids work quickly and that you don't require long term hospitalization like in the past. I will pray for you.

His ego was probably suffering even before this because of his decreased performance. Men are so much more sensitive to that than women are. I agree with Sandy that he is probably feeling very hurt and is also reacting to that.

You know you are a dear friend, Faith, and that is why I really do want you to go seek counseling and the day hospital option is great. Get an impartial professional opinion about what is right and wrong in this situation. If you are having mental health sx from the flare, you are most likely not thinking clearly about anything right now.

I actually thought that you had provisions in place for your husband to take actions like this when you have a flare of this type. Think about how horrified you would be if you came out of this flare and found out that you had done something immoral. I think that would devastate you because of what a strong Christian you are.

Please, please, please do not take this wrong. You are so very loved and I am very worried about your frame of mind. I hope the steroids snap you out of this quickly and I hope your husband eases up. You have my e-mail address if you need to talk more.

Am considering day hospital, mostly to ease DH's concerns. Following the confrontation/knowledge that he found out what I was planning, and his assessment that it was related to a flare, my interest in pursing those types of activities were immediately gone. I do not see a need for follow-up for me, personally, other than the steroids.

Had not considered, on my own, at all, that the behavior would be caused by a flare, but, as it is so entirely out of character for me, and I have been mostly happily married for 25 yrs, there is no other explanation that makes sense.

I guess the posting details is something we do here. We all experience different symptoms, some of them odd and unusual. It would be helpful for me to hear if others have had anything similar happen to them. We trust each other, and, even if we didn't, there is anonymity here.

This is not "facebook" material. It is for others w/ MS.

I didn't take anything wrong, Holly. As you said, you are a dear friend.

~ Faith