There is a pattern emerging lately. I used to be the computer go to girl round these parts, but my ON has affected my vision to the point that I am no longer comfortable stariing at computer screens all day. I found a very nice young man who is willing to take on my clients, and even makes house calls. While he isnt free, he has agreed to a sliding scale for those over 65 or disabled.

As each old customer has been in my path lately, I have been handing out his card, and telling them that next time, they need to call him to fix thier machine, that I am no longer able to help. Each one starts out by saying "oh I heard about your eye sight and that is horrible, tell me what is going on." (good start, yeah?) and as you start to explain it, they interupt you, walk on what you are saying, and trample on your story to tell you about aunt suzie or what happened to them, or start talking about other subjects that are completely far off from either computers, or vision/health issues.

I have been caring for these folks for about 5 years and have listened to some wild stories, and I am attentive, caring and interested, but it just seems that when it comes my turn to talk no one cares! I am easily dismissed, and quickly talked over.

Makes me wonder how many pretended to care simply to get free help, and how many really appreciated it, or how many are just plain old angry at me that now they have to pay for services after 5 years of either free or extremely low cost HOME visits!

The last client today is a retired preacher man, and he books cruises around the world for next to nothing because he is the ships pastor. (its his JOBto listen, no?) so, when he showed to pick up his wifes computer he was polite and said some silly coment about his ears and my eyes...then made a segway into his own health. He directly asked me what was going on with my eyes, and I started to answer, but he kept cutting me off, so I said "ah..there are just tired. its time for me to retire in full, and travel." That seems to be the only answer anyone wants to hear. They all want to tell me THEIR bad news, but dont want to listen to mine!

meh...im done anyway. This was my next to last client to turn over, so...I guess I shall seek out people that care about ME and not about my computer wiz skills. My rich neighbor is quite miffed at me for not even wanting to talk about her machine. NO NO NO! tell it to the new guy please. I cant help you.

Sigh...Anyone else feel like they are a sounding board for others, but when it comes to your turn, it gets skipped?

Well, I just need to say that I care about what you say. I visit here almost everyday to see what you have to say. Sorry if others aren't interested. Others aren't interested in my story either...not even my family. I'm sad about that. Not that I want anyone feeling sorry for me or anything, but my own sisters don't even ask me questions, like, what are my symptoms? They don't even have a clue. I find you very interesting...and I care...just saying.

I sometimes wish my family - what little family I have - was more interested in how MS effects me. The only one who really seems interested is my oldest son. He does listen when I talk to him about sx and things....but I know he can't really understand. Plus, I've noticed that if folks can't help...or give some sort of solution or remedy...they feel helpless and tend to tune out. Maybe I was like that before I got my dx.

Awww I still love ya deb!

To answer your last question, YEP, it's been going on since the beginning of time. People are mostly interested in their own plights and only pretend to listen so you will hear their story.

Most Mommies, Priests, best friends, some Docs, your Dog and God are the only ones who truly listen. Oh and us here at PT of course..

Agreed. I care too! I once heard that if you have more than five friends you don't really have any friends. I don't know if that is literally accurate but the spirit of it is true. I have a select few that I will go into detail about my ailments. With others I have a short response to the questions:

"How are you?" I've been better I've been worse. Thanks for asking
"What's going on" Having some aches and pains

I save the details for those I know care. They are the only ones that deserve the energy it takes to explain it all.

As a Christian, that type of preacher is what gives Christianity a bad name. We are not all like that.

Oh yes, Dej. There are some people in my life that I love dearly who do this . I wonder if it's because in my past life, before MS, I was the "go to girl" for everything. In my case, I think it's hard for them to even admit that I'm sick so they get extremely uncomfortable talking about my illness. They IMMEDIATELY change the subject if I mention I'm having a problem.

It makes me very sad sometimes. I am so glad that I have all of you .

I am just sick of it. I used to have a large circle of friends, and its been ME that whittled it down to a much smaller circle, and then a few jumped out when they became busy or found dealing with "old unreliable" became a burden for them. I have some really nice friends, I do, but my social circle is quite large and active. I go out of my way to make sure that others are cared about, and listened to, but when folks see me with bright red eyes (like a rabbit) tears running down my face from irritation, and im clearly exhausted, they think nothing of sticking out their laptop and saying "could you take a quick look?" when I say I cant see well enough to watch TV, they say "oh its only going to take a quick second." and they launch into their story "you see that icon? well...UGH!!!!

So, sadly I have been cutting off 99% of my customers, and shifting them to a very nice many who is in the big city. He CHARGES! He will come to your house, but you will pay for it. My richie rich neighbor used to think nothing of dragging her laptop down here with 30 questions, till I said NO MORE! I cant see what is written on your small screen, your operating system is way out of date, and you never do the things I tell you for maintenance of this machine, so im sorry, but if you need help, even a quick question call shawn, and handed her his card"

Our phone rings constantly. Folks dont say "how are you?" or "I saw you in town, and you looked like you are struggling" or "we never see you anymore, you must be feeling badly" They immediatly launch into their own story, and then "whatcha doing on Thursday?" you think "oh! they want to invite me out! I would love to get out of here. and they say "I could really use a hand with this boat, or this car or this garden, or I am not feeling well, and want your advice on mixing up herbal remedies...." UGH!!!!! I am a RETIRED nurse! I am a RETIRED computer repair girl. I am a RETIRED herbologist. Yes, I was raised on a reservation and we do herbal meds, not traditional meds, but its been YEARS since I visited that land, let alone sat as the healer of it.

So, I think I am going to change my phone #. Folks are not hearing me, and its just turning out in droves to ask me to take care of them. Im not able. Folks want me to fix stuff that THEY broke. FOR FREE!

im singing to the choir. Thanks for understanding.

I am sorry to say it, but I think MOST people are intrinsically selfish. Because they can't necessarily see your problem, then they discount it and return their focus to themselves.

They can't see it, they can't feel it, it doesn't change anything in their lives so it doesn't compute.

Even my nearest and dearest seem to tune out if the subject of MS or how I am feeling comes up - and if it does come up, it comes from me when I am feeling bad.

I don't whine often, but when I do, I need to be listened to. When I talk about the future or about the new meds for MS it almost seems like my husband is making 'appropriate' listening noises and is not really interested in my fears and feelings.

I believe that this is not because he doesn't care - he just doesn't want to disturb the vision of the future he wants to live in.

Just my thoughts. For what it's worth, the effort of trying to change things seems too big.

It seems that it is just human nature.

Lyn

I feel your pain! I found out pretty quickly after dx how truly unimportant I am to most people. It was a very depressing eye-opener. It's great that you are standing your ground, and I think you SHOULD change your number!