((((Ayna Dee))))

Please don't despair. The first few years after Dx, I expected to be not walking or doing anything much at all.

12 years on, I am amazed that I got through all of that and made it this far. Working, and walking on two legs.

You will surprise yourself - and those around you with your strength. All you need is self-belief and determination.

This is not your time - you have too much to do! Smile - MS is hard, but life is harder and you can do it

Thank you Lyn and Sally!


Even though I am not in the best of condition now, I can still walk. and I am ever so grateful for that.

I may have severe difficulties while walking, but I am still on my feet.

I dream about working and driving. I feel that's a sign that one day I'll be able to do those things again.


I stay as positive as I can, sometimes I slip into the gray area... but usually pull myself out quickly.



I was reading about different seizures last night. Jacksonian in specific. I had to stop reading because the scrolling on the internet triggered something. Uncontrollable jerks so abrupt they were almost painful and my head and insides started feeling super not okay, so I had to stop. But what I am thinking by what I have read that these are seizures. Jacksonian and focal seizures seem to originate in the parietal lobe. Since I have damage to those areas I am thinking that's what's causing these jerking, poor motor, slurred speech and locked up muscles in my legs.

I cannot wait til I finally get a doctor so I can discuss these things.

I really don't want to have to take seizure meds but definitely can't afford more damage to those areas.

Today is the funeral for my cousin. It's going to be rough.

I hate that with MS, you can't even get a break to do the mourning process. Instead, I feel, it will just take advantage of me and get even crazieer.


Death is a horrible thing.

I should have been there for him when he was reaching out for a hand, I could have potentially prevented this.

my heart hurts more than my body.

From reading your description of your progression, mine is very mild next to yours and I am 38 now.


So sorry.

How is your walking now? Do you use any devices to walk? I'm currently feeling more comfortable and keeping my stick with me now, but my gait is usually good. I sometimes get a little off sometimes. I cannot run though.

I'm still riding my bicycle which I am grateful for. I ride better than I can walk.

I thought I'd be in diapers, not walking and almost dead Boy was I scared, but quickly found out how much it can be managed and my thing with incontinence** was a quick fix.

Hang in there, AnnaDee!

AynaDee,
Right after I was DX I found out I was pregnant with son #2. I lost most of my function on my right side. I also had optic neuritis and lost all my eyesight in my right eye. I thought, "How am I going to care for a new born and a 1yr old!?." My eyesight is back 20/20 with corrective lenses and functions came back on my right side. Right after my #2 was born I started on Betaseron. 20 years later and I have 3 sons and just in the past 2 years am starting to have increased problems. One thing with MS is that things always change...but don't think everything is MS. If you think something else is going on, get it checked out. Stay positive and laugh when you can. I'm great comic relief for my kids...I can laugh that I fell on my face getting off the sky lift at the amusement park 10 years ago. Well...at least after I got up and wiped all the blood off my knees (I was more embarrassed then hurt). The rest of the day the sky lift was stopped when they saw me riding it and we still laugh about it today. Keep smiling and I'll say a prayer for you.

Can your new doctor, I assume you are getting a new one, get your records from the one who had to leave??

Ayna Dee

Something else to be careful with is the internet - it can be your best friend, but it can also be your worst enemy - and scare the heck out of you. I know that from reading the stuff I find on the net that I fit the criteria for a bazillion things.

'I was reading about different seizures last night. Jacksonian in specific. I had to stop reading because the scrolling on the internet triggered something.'

Not saying that you don't have these issues, but has it been dx'd by your doc? I know I am guilty of hitting Google every time something weird happens - usually because I can't get in to see a doctor.

On a very serious note, did your cousin take his own life? If so, there is nothing you could have done to prevent it. The guilt loved ones feel is all-consuming, but please remember, this was the only option they saw as viable at the time. If you were able to stop it this time, it was only a matter of time until it happened again. I am so sorry for your loss.

Suicide is a very selfish thing - and I say this only because the person suffering is unable to see past their pain and see the pain that they are inflicting on others.

I can't believe how much healthier I am since I got my SSD and didn't have the worries of work and financial things. Granted, SSD was only about 40% of my salary but I knew it would be there every month. I could then concentrate on helping ME!!!

What makes you think it is fact the person cannot see the pain they are inflicting on others? Of course they do. However the despair is so great that they do it anyways.