Empathy Man, oh, Empathy Man?

what fun we have in store for YOU today!

aren't you special?

and ever so deserving of our loving attentions, yes?

on our agenda today... TOE clamps...

shall we experiment with some old-fashioned wooden clothespins?

:D

you can experience, in living color, and real-time, the exquisite enjoyment we experience on a semi-daily basis!

oh, wait, I've changed my mind... those clothespins aren't gonna CUT it!

allow me to apply these visegrips to your feet...

hold STILL, darn it!

we've only just BEGUN...

now, let's DOUBLE your pleasure, eh?

:cool:

Let's not forget the ice pick. . . . can't deprive EM of the lovely feeling of being stabbed in the upper back. :yikes:

Oh, and I saw a beautiful shock collar at Petsmart. Let's make EM a choker and give him the ever so popular ZAP when he is least expecting it. :icon_twisted:

Well, EM, it looks like you're all decked out for your day's fun. Let's get your shoes on and get you going.

*filling oversized boots with Quickcrete*

Good, in ya' go! There.


Now, you have several errands to run today, nothing too complicated. I brought your car around, it's a stick. You do know how to drive a stick, right? Yes, yes, I know that your feet feel heavy, you'll be okay, trust me, you look great!

Time to get going now. Here's your list:

1) Pick up drycleaning
2) Post office for stamps
3) Grocery store for milk, bread, eggs, etc.
4) Volunteer reading to kids at the library
5) Lunch with the girlfriends across town
6) Hit the mall for new duds for 3 kids
7) Get 3 kids and 4 friends from school and deliver them to practice
8) Have a nice dinner ready by 6:00

Okay, you'll need a good breakfast, and off you go!

*shoving forward a bowl of Valium Crunchies, with Librium bits*

Here's some milk of magnesia to pour over that.

Out of respect for Moose and the other Men on this forum, lets make EM an EP (empathy person and better yet an EN (empathy Neuro)..You know the Neuro who says, "it's all in your head and 'there is no pain with MS"...etc..:mf_swordfight:

We can't have the guys having sympathy for the EM and we want them to join in the fun of having the EP/EN endure as much discomfort and pain, as we all do. Moose is always coming to the poor guy's rescue..:D:rolleyes:

Carry on...with vigor..:icon_twisted:

Empathy Neuro??

She's a Doctor and knows way more than I do about the way I feel.

She sees me twice a year and I wait for an hour to hear her say; you look wonderful!!

Arrrrgh!

Well, my little bleeding heart, I'm against it! I'm not a politician, so "PC" means only a mediocre computer to me. EM was plucked out of the general, "healthy" population and given this honorable duty and he has held up remarkably well through it all! He is a super hero and deserves our reverence. Besides, I enjoy seeing him shirtless from time to time.:cool:

Ok, Ok, Nappy, but we'll have to put up with the pity parties, for EM, from Moose..LOL.

I always pictured EM as my unsypathetic Male Neuro, anyway....I liked my old female Neuro..she was great.

Empathy MAN is a man, not female. He has been chosen. I am not sexist - like my male nreuro and female PCP.

I concur.

Ladies, ladies... Just let this fat cripple have his fun with feeble rescue attempts. (Did I spell 'feeble' right)? :D

Just look at it as a TV commercial you don't like.

Or... something...

... and as far as your punishments... PPFFTT!:rolleyes:

Physical pain can heal. Bruises fade. Scars are forgotten.

How about some emotional trauma? Real pain.

bwahaHAHAHA!

Moose is right. EM has no sex for the next month or two. His Spouse is way too tired , after being out spending all his money. :D

Moose,
Your Bwahaha a-Mooses me

I do see EM has a wife...he needs someone to tell him...that its all in his head and he just doesn't care if it gets done or not! Oh, and that the garbage is his chore cause he da man!!

Oh yeah and that he is also to keep the yard clean... and can only eat what his wife cooks. He can listen to her say: Me Too everytime he complains about a symptom!!

She will also attend each doctor's visit and still not have a clue...pore ole soul, his torture is never ending.

Empathy Man sure does sound real!!

stops in and drops a few thin boards with common pins sticking up out of them for EM's walking pleasure...:eek:

I'm having a pins and needles day already and I think I need someone else to have one with me! :D

Perfect! After he walks across your boards he can put on four pair of wool socks and a pair of boots that are 2 sizes too small and go grocery shopping! Without the list, of course, it's forgotten at home with the handful of coupons he so carefully went through.

After driving past the grocery store twice - btw he's been there umpteen million times - he finally gets it right and pulls in the parking lot.

Of course, the ONE handicapped space in the entire lot is taken so he parks oh about twent spaces away from the door - on a hill pointing straight down.
After his door closes on his leg twice he finally gets the strength to push it open with his foot (which he cannot feel) and struggle out.

Once in the store he cannot remember one thing on the list so just cruises around putting random things in the cart - none of which will make a complete meal.

Great deal on dog food.......he saved $2.00 on the large bag. Too bad - he has a cat.

All finished - pushing the cart to the car. Have to hold on tight - parked on a hill, remember?

No cart return anywhere in sight - should he just leave it there to roll down the hill or try to push it back up the hill? Leaves the cart behind the car to go start the engine and cool the inside off before going home. Totally forgets the cart behind the car - leaves but takes a look in the rearview mirror - WHO would have left a cart in the middle of the parking lot like that? Stupid people......no respect for others. Glad I'm not like that he thinks.

Get's home - takes mail out of mailbox - get's an interesting card from a friend - goes inside forgetting the groceries in the truck (including ice cream and milk). Fixes a glass of sweet tea and relaxes - only too happy to remove the too small shoes and wool socks. Ahhhhh......time for a nap.

Later.....looking for snacks - starts a grocery list (again) because there is nothing in the house to eat!!!

EM is showing signs of aging, today. Sooooooo, along with the usual MSessy stuff, he also has extra aches and pains of aging. :winky:

First, we send him to the pot to do his usual and of course can't PEE! Then he gets in his stair lift, goes to basement, where he transfers, oh so gingerly, to a WC. He pushes the dirty clothes over to the washer, with his feet, whilst manually wheeling.:rolleyes: Loads the washer, adds soap, and hits go button.

Then he turns off overhead light, that electrician left on last week, with a pole reacher thingy and wheels over to furnace, to change the filter.:eek: First he must reach up, out of reach, to turn off furnace....(pole reacher, again).

Then wheels around to the front of furnace, takes front of furnace off, again gingerly, and takes out old filter...Ugh! Puts new one in, won't fit at first so tries again...@$%#@...it works! Then gingerly puts front pieces (two) back on furnace...walla!!

Much too tired to wait for wash to put in dryer, so heads back to stairlift....OOPS...forgot to turn furnace back on....wheels to back of furnace and, gingerly, turns back on. Almost too tired to transfer back to stairlift. but, gingerly, He makes it.:cool:

It doesn't end here, but he's much too exhausted to talk anymore. Poor guy...You know that too tired to talk or type feeling.

He flatens out on the couch, only to have the dog cry for food and water....OOPS...forgot.......................

EM just had a smelly accident at Wally's, and no clean underwear, no clean clothes...man, glad I don' t have to clean the vehicle!! People are walking two isles over to avoid him...

Here Sally. Here is Empathy Man back! Stick him in the oven or something!:D

Good idea Taffypuss, but let's put some warm fuzzy boots on him first and maybe slather him up with lard, then put the oven on Broil:p

I feel better aleady..:yahoo:

Put him in a chair but he can self toilet on one leg but has button fly jeans to pull up using a grab bar and button - oh. urine is retainingl. Push Empathy Man, push on bladder. Later, Oops, you dropped hot microwaved lunch on floor and you're dang hungry. Bwa-ha-ha-ha as Moose would say.

Empathy man checks his computer for PM's and does a lot of thank you's on NT. He also loves to use:

:):(:confused::mad::p;):D:o:rolleyes::cool::eek::w ink::winky::hug::grouphug:

jmiller can duct tape Empathy Man into a chair, set the house on fire and let's watch Empathy Man get out without a ramp. Or have food downstairs in basement fridge. There so much we could learn from him as he deals with it all.

C'mere, EM!

*injecting fingers with enormous amounts of collagen*

:mad:Stop whining and hold still! More will fit in there!

*going for a second round*

Good. Now, put on these 9 pairs of rubber gloves and rub that last pair with this vasoline. Do a better job of it, now!

Put on this goose down vest and this nice wool hat, and take this pretty blue sleeping pill. I don't care if it's 90° in the shade with 400% humidity! Do it!

Okay, now take these nail clippers, cuticle scissors, pushing sticks, and these files. Trim your toenails and make them neat and smooth so you can put your gravity boots back on!

Er....:o maybe I shoulda left poor old Empathy Man where I found him at...way at page...:eek:

roll up a ball of foil and place inside of his head. I have this odd feeling and thats the best way I can describe it.

Heat up the tip of a needle and poke him at random places throughout the day.

Don't forget the scuba flippers! He'll have fun trying to walk normally in those.....always tripping over that imaginary curb or trying to step over what's not there.

Flipper on one foot, high stiletto FM pump on the other.

Is it me or are we'll getting better a tormenting EM as time goes by? I think the gloves are off.

ok since I sound like I have marbles in my mouth today I think EM deserves a treat too - here ya go :eek:-grrr.

No, no!! The gloves are ON!! One pair of Playtex rubber gloves and an extra small pair of cotton gloves underneath them. Makes it really hard to feel let alone hold onto anything.

Let's don't forget the Ace bandage wrapped extra tight around his chest......just to make breathing more difficult and make it feel like a boa constrictor is squeezing the air right out of him.

While we're wrapping the Ace bandage let's rub his back with Poison Ivy so he'll itch in the areas that are hardest to reach.

Never thought I could get into torture so much!! Who knew!!?? :o

Make his feet numb and hurt. Either ice cold or burning hot wrapped in casts made of cement. Make him walk REALLY slow watching people almost twice his age walk faster (OK, that is an exaggeration...maybe he is faster than someone 100 years old...).

ok I cry at just about anything and then start giggling giddily - I think the poor guy needs a good cry - let it out EM:hissyfit::yahoo:

This week, I want him to wear woolen underware, so he'll be hot, sweaty Itchy and *itchy....Yeah, that otta do it..:p

Kitty-
If you start water-boarding, I'm going to start worrying!

*throwing perfect steak, baked potato, and broadleaf salad into blender*

Silly boy, you know you can't cut your own food when it's this hot!

Drink up!

If he has to leave the table to use bathroom, give it to the dag!!!!