The aunt that I gave the Kindle to, she got that before she went over to the other aunt's house. So, I don't exactly blame her for what happened.

I'm not exactly sure why it's bothering me so much. I think I'm just having a really really really extremely bad year, and I'm probably not handling that well. Maybe I'm just overly sensitive?

Starting to wonder if there's something else wrong with me, like maybe I don't have MS, but something even worse. I just feel really bad, and it literally feels like I'm weaker every week, and sometimes every day. Not sure why I feel that way.

I don't know if MS works that way tho. I don't know what I'm doing with being sick all the time, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do to get a doctor to listen to me about it. It's just exhausting to keep asking, and not getting any results, or responses from them.

erin,
if you have 1 dr that you think would be more receptive than any other maybe you could write him a letter.

i did that once with a rehab dr that i couldn't seem to get the right words out when i was at the visit.

try to be factual and not subjective. describe your physical, emotional & mental problems. it might help your dr believe you & reach out to help you.

gosh, i wish i could be more help.

My regular doctor, the one that I pretty much can't use much anymore because the insurance company won't work with that group of doctors and hospitals, they just started a new thing where you can leave messages on the computer for your doctor.

I've never used it, but I might just send a note to him thru that system later. See if that would get thru to him, and see if he can do something, or at least point me towards someone who can.

Erin, my doctor has that kind of system also and any communication I write is read by the nurse. Now I know my docotr's nurse will send it on to the doctor but I know some other offices where the nurse decides herself what to send and what not to.

I called the physiatrist that I was seeing last spring before my neuro made me go for a second opinion at another doctor (ended up hating the 2nd opinion guy)

So I have an appointment with the doctor I just called on the 21st, but I just basically begged them to see if I can go earlier, because I feel worse almost daily, and I think if I wait the three something weeks to see him, it'll be too late.

The secretary said she'd have the nurse call me tomorrow. Hopefully they can get me in earlier. Sucks that there's a holiday this week.

Not sure if I should bother calling the neuro, or the family doctor. They never want to give me steroids, and I'm not sure if I want those anyways. I want to see what the physiatrist says. Since my problem is moving, or not being able to move well, and feeling worse at that daily.

I couldn't drive my dad to his eye doctor today. I might have those hand controls, but I have no idea how to drive my car on snow and ice with those hand controls. Also I went pretty much straight from driving stick shift to driving with hand controls. I've never driven an automatic transmission car on snow. I don't know how automatics handle in snow. I was a diehard stick shift driver. I miss my old car. I could actually feel the road with that car.

It's snowing outside, and instead of being out there playing in it with my old car like I used to (4 wheel drive and manual transmission is fun on snow) I'm terrified to leave my garage. Another thing the ms stole. My love of driving stick shift.

physiatrist's office called this morning. They managed to get me moved up to the 7th. Now I'm just hoping the weather is good that day, so I don't have to use a taxi to get to his office.

I drove my car around the block last night because my mom wanted me to help her get the mail (we have a community mailbox. It's one house over). There was snow on the ground from yesterday's snowstorm. I could feel the wheel slipping some when I was driving it. I know the farmers need the snow because we're in a drought. I just hope that I can avoid having to drive in a lot of snow. (I can't get out of my car and walk in anywhere if the ground is snowy or icy)

My doctor's office is at the hospital, and they have valet parking, and a covered area for handing your car off to the valet. I'll just have to worry about making the walk up to the third floor.

Erin, is there anyone from the office who can come down and get you with one of their wheel chairs?

I might ask at the main desk when I walk into the hospital if they have someone who can help. The hospital that my dad was at earlier this year had people who would come down and escort you where you needed to go in a chair. That's a different medical group than the hospital I'm forced to use, but I'm hoping they have a similar set up. Either that, or I'm going to be walking very very slowly, and stopping to sit down a lot.

Hope I don't see the physical therapy people I was going to last summer while I'm there. When the hospital called me to have me do the survey they try to have patients do after they've had a procedure, or PT. I kind of gave them all a bad review. I asked to do it anonymously, but I'm still a little worried that they'll be able to figure out it was me who complained.

The physical therapist I had when I was there was a bit...abrupt with me a lot. She treated me like I was stupid a few times, and when she should have been working with me, she was constantly chatting with other people there. Patients, employees. I'd have to sit there and wait for her to get done giggling with everyone. That got on my nerves, and didn't really inspire me to do much with her, when she got snippy with me a few times.

Wasn't impressed with their PT services. At least the physiatrist seemed pretty good. They just had a crap PT therapist. I liked the temp that took over for her better when she left for a vacation.

Things have been really really bad tonight. I can barely move. I don't know if this is some uncontrolled spasticity (I'm really really stiff) or if it's the ms doing something to the nerves other than setting off the nasty spasticity.

The neuro told me last winter not to take any steroids, because he thought it would make things worse. So he has me under the impression that nothing can be done for whatever is going on now.

Then they've been doing the "we'll watch it for now" for everything I've complained about. Tonight I'm just so tired of "watching", and waiting for everything. It's exhausting. I can barely get around. I feel like all my friends have abandoned me. I'm bored, really really lonely. And it's really depressing sitting here, feeling myself get more and more disabled.

I live with a hypochondriac. My mom has been a true hypochondriac for my entire life. Know what happens when you live with one? Everyone you know assumes that you're a hypochondriac too, so most of my family thinks I'm making all of this up. (Gee thanks mom, for tarring me with your hypochondria tinged brush. Thanks a lot.)


I'm really disappointed in how things have been going. When I got diagnosed, they gave me the impression that things weren't going to be that bad. Well, it's bad.

Just tired of this. It's constant, and doesn't let up.

Sorry that you're going through a rough patch Erin. I sure can empathize with symptoms not letting up at times, as can most of us here; but then again, that can often be the nature of this stupid disease.

Please don't be concerned about what others may think with respect to whether what you are experiencing is real or not. Some folks just can't accept how things are without imputing their own take on it. I find that validating such imputations by even acknowledging them doesn't help anyone and can lead to more frustration but so does blaming others for our situation. True it can be isolating but we need to take care of our own needs as best we can, even when faced with little support from others.

To that end, can you maybe get involved in an interest to distract your mind's attention from the symptoms? Maybe watch a movie or documentary, take a course on line or something of that nature? I am also wondering if you might be able to get a pet of some sort to keep you company, especially for times like now when you are feeling alone.

Sending .
With love, Erika