The fake owl needed a companion and since I had so much trouble keeping up with the quilting bee group and so loved to sew, I added a fake goose to my porch to keep my owl company. I make clothes for my goose. Each day I make sure my goose is properly dressed. She has a complete wardrobe. Some of the clothes even match Fargo's.

About a year after Fargo's birth, I became very ill and Danny rushed me to the hospital once again. Lo! and behold, wouldn't you know it, I was having another baby! I just can't figure out how this keeps happening to me.

But guess what, this time triplets....all boys. And we named them Larry, Darryl, and Dwight. (Dwight is the name of my favorite Po-lice officer here in Toad Hollow!).

Oh my, what am I going to do with all these kids! HELP ME!! Somebody Help me!!

LOL!!!!


*kicking FG under the table*

DM: Whoopsie, I meant Dwayne!!!!! I don't have lesions.. it's... uh... menop... (nope, that's over...) uh... jetlag! That's right, since I'm an hour ahead... yeah, jetlag!!!

With all those kids, who can remember their names...should have named them all the same! Dwain, Dwayne, and Dwane.

Yeah, you can probably tell them apart by counting their toes...LOL!

I know all the men folk here in beautiful Toad Hollow by name!

Funny, I can't think of a single woman for some reason.

DM: Yes, I do know all the men in TH by name, and they know me by my tattoos.


As time marched on, Danny and I marched through life with our little army of sons who seemed to drip into life like a Florida thunderstorm. The boys and Danny did all kinds of fun things together on a weekly basis, hunting, fishing, karate, parachuting, pottery classes, and even cliff diving in Costa Rica.

I managed to locate my quilting bee friends from time to time around town but it seemed like the meetings were always ending by the time I arrived. It didn't upset me, everyone was always glad to see me as they rushed by me through the doors and sped away with thread and scraps trailing from their not-quite-shut car doors.

With the boys so busy all the time and my talents no longer in demand at Buck's Barn, I began looking for other ways to fill my days with purpose. A new fad was booming across the nation, I knew it was an absolute fact because I saw it on Oprah. For some crazy reason, women all over the country no longer felt that maintaining a home, raising children, and working outside the home was taxing enough and began flocking to the new health clubs to be physically abused by machinery.

I knew there was something in all this for me and I was determined to find just what that was...

Stiiiiiimulation!!

I had discovered what my aerobics instructor calls"the burn!"

My aerobics instructor is special to me. I cannot help staring when he works out. He keeps giving me private instruction in stimulation and I hafta say , I haven't felt this worked out since I was a teenager at the indoor outdoor barn dance back in my early days! I understand why they call it the burn now. I can whittle a matchstick out of a mountain ash tree with my thighs in a few hours after a workout with him. I also discovered the elliptical is a good way to fan the heat of that burnin'.

Now I know why Wiz uses it.

AMN: Holy cow! It's D-day! We have got to finish this before DM gets back!

DM: Where was I...

Well, my thighs burned through the 80s and into the 90s. Danny and I managed to raise a fine group of strapping, young bucks. I've never been sure how many because our house had a revolving door and my culinary talents were demanded around the clock by the pack of bottomless stomachs we called sons.

As the years wore on, the boys grew up and gradually left the kitchen in pursuit of their own life ambitions. It was as our nest emptied that I began noticing some symptoms of the not-quite-right. Finally, Danny talked me into seeing a doctor and it turned out that I had MS, then I didn't have MS, then maybe I have MS, but I definitely have FM, but it could be MS, but it's not MS. But, it still could be MS.

Being the social butterfly that I am, it seemed like the logical choice to find others who could benefit from my experience and sick sense of humor. I tried volunteering at the blood bank but was asked to leave when I jokingly shuffled the tube labels. Some people really need to relax!

Next, I tried to help at the local soup kitchen but when my sons showed up every day and complained that my cooking wasn't as good as at home, I stomped out in a fit of rage. The little ingrates.

One day, Danny came home with a new thing, a computer. Now, I'd heard of these on Star Trek and Lost in Space but had no idea that regular people could use them. I was hooked from the start. I honed my skills to such a fine point, I could now type "DM" in hundreds of colors and sizes!

As if that wasn't exciting enough, a friend informed me that my new computer was also a communication tool! Who knew!?!

Well, the internet and I got along famously, especially when I found so many nice pictures of sweet boys. Stiiiiiiiimulation!!!!! Danny didn't like that at first, but then he found some nice girls to chat with and he was happy.

Um, then, I found this forum and decided to welcome newbies. The end. —DM

P.S. Here's my latest pic:

Nice picture! Recent? It should be your avatar! You photogenic devil you!

Nice picture DM.

Did anyone ever tell you that you look a lot like Robin Williams? Maybe that's where you get your knack for the insane..