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Old 02-13-2008, 07:51 PM #1
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Originally Posted by Friend2U View Post
...whether 'tis nobler to suffer and smile,
or give in to fatigue and give up for a while.
When one looks so normal and all appears fine,
and the secret of pain is secretly mine.
The pain... the burn... fatigue that will drop me,
to the floor, to colapse, to sleep, to rest, awe...there's the rub!

Yes, the rub is the fine line between when I have almost convinced myself from saying: I CAN DO IT, I CAN DO IT to hitting the brick wall and saying: NEVERMIND!

It's just that the brickwall comes out of nowhere when I least expect it... right at the time when everyone is saying "How great I look and how well I must be doing". I have been the great pretender for years and have gotten pretty darn good at it. So when I hit the wall, you may ask, "What's wrong?" to which I will (with automaticity) reply, "Nothing, I'm fine!"... OR (this one gets funnier all the time) "I'm just tired."

Oooh! I love Hamlet! (the Mel Gibson version, not the Kenneth Branagh version, altho, Olivier was very good too...)

Your soliloquy was very good.

I just went shopping with my parents to get V-day cards for my nieces. My poor parents, they're both exhausted today, and so am I, but apparently I must have been doing pretty good, because my dad kept sending me to go grab stuff for him, while he leaned on my mom's shopping cart and waited for her to pick out some cards. My mom has chronic pain from a back injury and 2 knee surgeries, and my dad has an enlarged heart and high blood pressure.

I'm planning on falling asleep in front of the tv while watching Criminal Minds tonight. I think I have another hour or two of energy left in me...maybe, if I just sit here and stare at the tv for a little bit.

I feel exhausted now and dont want to move. My parents are upstairs, asleep in the living room. They tired themselves out by eating Chinese food and buying V-day cards at the grocery store. (oh, and my dad had a bad day working at the hospital.

I learned something, dont go to the grocery store the day before valentines day if you're really tired. Because it's really tiring to have to fight your way thru the crowd of people getting cheap (nearly) meaningless gifts. I swear, people lose most of their manners when it comes to last minute shopping.
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Old 02-13-2008, 08:32 PM #2
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i wish i could rhyme like that

i push a lot too, til i have to stop.
that's all you can do. once i rest i'm
good for the rest of the day.

you do have to take care of yourself and
pay attention to what your body says.
then you can help others.
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Old 02-14-2008, 10:25 AM #3
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I've learned to live WITH the disease rather than to keep fighting it. I find it much more tolerable and I don't mind letting people know how I'm feeling at any particular time. Why hide it? What good is that doing? Be yourself and quit pretending all is well when it is not.
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Old 02-14-2008, 11:48 AM #4
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I've learned to live WITH the disease rather than to keep fighting it. I find it much more tolerable and I don't mind letting people know how I'm feeling at any particular time. Why hide it? What good is that doing? Be yourself and quit pretending all is well when it is not.

I agree. It took me a long time though to learn to stop saying I'm fine when I'm not. If I need a nap I take one, if I'm feeling crappy I deal with it in whatever way I have to. I do my best not to complain, I don't want to sound like a whiner, but I'm not afraid of letting someone know that I don't feel good.
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Old 02-14-2008, 07:09 PM #5
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I've learned to live WITH the disease rather than to keep fighting it. I find it much more tolerable and I don't mind letting people know how I'm feeling at any particular time. Why hide it? What good is that doing? Be yourself and quit pretending all is well when it is not.
I'm working on getting where you are! Why are things never as easy as they sound??? It's probably that "attitude adjustment" I seem to recall having ordered... must be in the mail!

Thanks!
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Old 02-14-2008, 07:03 PM #6
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Default To Erin,

Bless your heart! Few people other than a fellow MSer would understand what you REALLY MEAN when you say you are "tired." Here is a . Try to get some rest, okay? Thanks for sharing!
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Old 02-14-2008, 11:32 PM #7
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Bless your heart! Few people other than a fellow MSer would understand what you REALLY MEAN when you say you are "tired." Here is a . Try to get some rest, okay? Thanks for sharing!
I was really tired and exhausted last night.

Wanna guess when I fell asleep last night? During Criminal Minds? No... During the 10:00 news? Nope.

During Hannity & Colmes? Nope..not then either.

During Red Eye? (on FoxNews at 2am CST) Nope.

It was somewhere around 445am...and then I woke up at 530am because my dad dropped something on the floor upstairs.

I finally dropped off to sleep again about 630am.

only to be woken up again at 8am when Shared Solutions called to harrass me about getting a new box of C (I'm trying to catch up there, I've been 2 boxes behind since the beginning because my injection nurse waited 2 months to call me before I got trained) I told them to call me back in 2 or 3 weeks, and to please not call me before noon.

I kept waking up about every half hour to an hour.

I'm starting to wonder if insomnia can be caused by a brain lesion or something.

I. am. so. tired. tonight...and I STILL cant sleep!!!!
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Old 02-15-2008, 12:22 AM #8
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It's kind of according to who I am around. When I'm with my kids and husband I try to be very honest. They would know anyway. But my Mom is different. Sometimes I have to be overly peppy or she will drive me crazy with questions about how I'm doing. But then she'll call me and the minute she hears my voice she can tell how I'm feeling. Somehow she just knows. Now my Mother in law is the opposite. I don't think she has any clue what it wrong with me. She has a hx of paronoid schyxophrrnia but is well controlled. Way back in the 60's she had a good bit of shock therapy which I think took away some of her brain cells. But unless I really look or act like I'm not feeling well she thinks I can move the world to take care of her. So sometimes I over excagerate.

Oh the insomnia. I think it must be contagious. I din't sleep at all last night, finally got up at 6 AM. Did you know there is actually TV on at that time? But here it is 11:30 PM and I am in my usual wakeful state that is between 7 PM and 1 AM every day. It doens't matter if I didn't sleep any the night before or not.
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Old 02-15-2008, 10:57 AM #9
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For trying to explain the wall, I wish I could have a copy of a scene from "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" with Johnny Depp. It's the one where Willy Wonka is talking to Charlie at his shoe shine job. Willy runs into the wonkavator that you didn't see was there.

It's been hard learning where that line is. It moves everyday, so sometimes I know it's coming - sometimes I don't. Definitely learning to listen to my body. It knows things better than my brain does, LOL.
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Old 02-15-2008, 02:06 PM #10
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Definitely learning to listen to my body. It knows things better than my brain does, LOL.

si, si, Senora!

this morning, I felt my eyelids growing heavy... and my head starting to nod and droop.

looked at the clock, and it's only 9:30 am!

how can that BE?

oh yeah... it must be 'cause I woke UP at 3:30am.

so, I'd been up for the usual SIX hours already, and my BODY knew it!

usually, I get up around 6, and nappy at noonish.

some days, TWO naps... sometimes my body only needs an hour.

yesterday my nap was *four* hours... (which goes a long way toward explaining WHY I woke up before DAWN today, eh?)

oh, and Finny?

it's ALL completely and totally YOUR fault that I'm now singing Olivia Newton John!

'cause you mentioned listening to your body.



Kay wanders off, muttering under breath and singing:

Let me hear your body talk... your body talk... Let me hear your body talk.

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