[CayoKay]

I’m Ill, but Who Really Needs to Know?

By LISA BELKIN - Published: February 21, 2008 - New York Times

ONE of the first decisions you make in the emotional hours after a scary diagnosis is whether to tell others. Most of us share the news with our loved ones, but what of the circles beyond, particularly those at work? Your boss?

How much information about your health do you think your boss or colleagues should know?

At first, Richard M. Cohen, whose multiple sclerosis was diagnosed at 25, did not tell. Mr. Cohen — whose latest book, “Strong at the Broken Places,” recounts the stories of five patients with chronic illnesses — was starting what would become a hard-charging career as a television news producer when he learned of his condition. He feared he would be considered unfit. He kept his secret for years despite failing vision and shaky balance.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/21/fa...pagewanted=all

(free registration required to read this article)

[sugarboo]

This reminds me of a Judge Judy I saw last week. The defendant told her that she had MS, and the judge responded "You look fine to me!" ....here I thought she was the all knowing.....

[SallyC]

OH NO!!! Tell me this isn't true.. I have just lost any and all respect I ever had for Judge Judy...not that I ever had much for her anyway..

Originally Posted by greenjeans

This reminds me of a Judge Judy I saw last week. The defendant told her that she had MS, and the judge responded "You look fine to me!" ....here I thought she was the all knowing.....

[Bearygood]

Thanks for this article. This is an issue I face -- cannot disclose.

(PS -- I wrote to Judge Judy through her website. I didn't see if but read about it elsewhere and that comment infuriated me!!)

[Jappy]

Originally Posted by greenjeans

This reminds me of a Judge Judy I saw last week. The defendant told her that she had MS, and the judge responded "You look fine to me!" ....here I thought she was the all knowing.....

I saw the show. When she said that I wished I could jump into the TV
and grab her. Because I knew how the person felt. That
same remark has been said to me many many times. The anger that I feel
I can't put into words.

Jappy

[NurseNancy]

i told my co-workers, all nurses, because they knew i was undergoing tests.
i also couldn't hide the gait problem i had. that was in '03. by '05 i had to resign because of the physical inability to do my job.

along the way i asked for a few reasonable accommodations to which i was granted by mgment. however, i later found out that my co-workers were unhappy and felt they had a bigger load because of me. they complained and i was talked about behind my back. something i detest to this day. no one was woman enuf to talk to me. neither were my charge nurses.

i ultimately feel that documentation was being amassed behind my back which would have led to my eventual firing. and i worked with these people in life and death situations for 18 yrs. yes, i'm a little ******.

my advice to you would be this. think carefully about your work situation.
once the words are out of your mouth you can't take them back, but you can always tell.

friends and family i told and got a lot of loving support. the above advice holds true here too.

[lady_express_44]

Great idea for a thread, Kay.

When it comes to telling, I think people really have to weigh the advantages against the disadvantages, and also do a reality check on what they can hope to gain by doing so.

I had to downgrade my career over the years, but I never admitted the MS. I couldn't do the long days and stress of Sr Mgmt, but the expectation of that kind of job was to do that . . . no bones about it. Sooooo ... for the last 8 years in the workforce, I took jobs that were still a challenge, but that the expectation to attend long meetings, do the daily overtime, etc. were not there for that job (or company). The companies made out good because they had an over-qualified and loyal employee, and I made out well because I could meet the specific job expectations.

Also, if the accommodation is going to noticably inconvenience co-workers or the firm (in an ongoing way), then I think our choices are limited to down-grading to something we can handle, or leaving the job. I don't think it's fair to expect other's to take some of our load because we are too unwell to do it. I also don't think it's fair for a company to have to pay the same wages to someone who can not fully do the job, just because they are disabled (fat, female, green-skinned, or for any other "disadvantage"). They should have a right to generally expect 'full production' out of all their workers. (That's my management point of view, of course )

On the other hand, companies should try to find a different job that would be more suitable to our situation, install a/c, provide elevators and parking, limit overtime, provide intermittent sick pay, etc. I think those are fair concessions to ask for in most jobs.

Cherie

[freeinhou]

Originally Posted by Bearygood

Thanks for this article. This is an issue I face -- cannot disclose.

Ditto...

Tom

[CayoKay]

Originally Posted by NurseNancy

i ultimately feel that documentation was being amassed behind my back which would have led to my eventual firing. and i worked with these people in life and death situations for 18 yrs. yes, i'm a little ******.

I understand completely.

I fully disclosed my condition to my employers.

I took a 2 week leave (vacation time) when I had a serious flare in 1993.

a week and a half into my leave, me and my bf were invited over, to a co-worker's birthday party.

I show up in the wheelchair, and after the candle-blowing, I rolled my butt across the warehouse to grab a few things from my office.

to my GREAT shock and dismay, all my stuff had been removed from the walls, and tossed in a box, and the woman I had hired, and TRAINED to be my assistant had moved IN, lock, stock, and barrel.

bet you can GUESS what happened next, eh?

the "leave" turned out to be permanent.

heck of a way to find out you've been replaced.

[CayoKay]

PS: if I had it to do over again, I think I would NOT have disclosed, and probably would've been able to keep on working, for at least another year or two.