[DizzyLizzy]

My stomach has been fluttering all day.....my eyes keep tearing....I know I will be fine, but I still can't get past the feelings of dreaded anticipation that my life is going to change forever on Monday. I start on my copaxone treatment that morning.

I have not been talking about this, because I am trying to put it out of my mind, but I can't. I've been avoiding the phone for a couple of days now, not wanting to answer questions and I certainly do not have the energy to pretend that am feeling strong because I am not, .....not at all. I feel completely drained.

I feel ripped off AGAIN!! I felt so ripped off for most of my 40 years because of being a victim to my sister's drug addiction. She will be 9 months sober on May 6th and I really felt that everything else was going to be so easy, because I had my sister back. I could not imagine anything could bring those painful "rippped off" feelings back. All I wanted was for her to be sober and back in my life, because those horrible feelings would end..... now I have to deal with this and I AM SO MAD!!!!!!! I don't want to be strong, I don't want this hand I've been dealt. Why couldn't I have had a chance to breath before starting on another crappy journey? I cannot be a victim to this!

Ughh. I am a blubbering and rambling on again...

I think I will make myself a cup of hot tea and try to relax