[Jewels]

my daughter just got her first menses yesterday...she is moody, a little crampy, and kind of nervous about her flow. I tell her how it was with me, hoping that it helps her a little, but at 54 you would think I would be comfortable with this. But she is my only child, I had her when I was 40, and has been the delight of my life every single day. She helps me in so many ways, especially when I am not feeling well. She brings me things, does things for me, and helps me to feel like I am the best mom in the universe...so she tells me!

If any of you have any advice for me, I certainly would appreciate it. I feel so inadequate to transition to this new phase of her life. But at least she didn't get it the day school started, so that is a plus. But I am worried at how she will do when she is in school. She is kind of fragile in her health, and little things amount to big things with her. I have to get her into her ENT to take out her tubes, and to see if she is doing ok without them in her ears. They are just laying in her ear canals, so I want him to take them out. That way we can judge if she needs more in, or if she is done with them.

Thanks for reading this. I didn't intend for it to be this long.

Have a blessed weekend!

Jewels

[karousel]

What about getting a book out from the library? I know they have books explaining many things to children and maybe they have one for this. Sometimes hearing about things from someone other than Mom can help in situations like this. My daughter is 10 so I will be following this to see what others say!

[Erin524]

One suggestion.

Dont tell her that you posted about this on the internet. My mom told everyone in earshot everywhere we went the day I first "became" a woman. I was mortified and never really forgave her. (I dont trust her with "sensitive information" anymore.)

Just a suggestion.

[Aarcyn]

One of the nicest things that happened when I got my first period is that my mother bought me a beautiful bracelet (costume jewelry) and gave it to me saying, "congratulations, you are a woman now." I was about 14 years old, on the later side of getting it.

There is not much to really say if you have been talking about periods and what they mean, biologically and physically.

Good luck with the mood swings. I was watching one of those life channels and the documentary was saying that when a girl goes to sleep, hormones are pulsing every 2-3 minutes all night long so sometimes girls wake up in a hormonal mess! My DD did have her moments!

But my guess is that not much will change. She sounds like a loving child and that does not stop.

As long as you celebrate her next stage, she will do the same. If you have not been talking about the changes, now is a great time to start.

I will never forget how I felt when my mom gave me the bracelet though. It felt really special to be a part of the "club."

[katty]

My daughter started her period about a year ago. I think what she most needed to hear was that this was normal and expected. We talked frankly about how hormones can cause mood shifts and I let her know that the mood shifts happen with most of us. I also tried to teach her to be more aware of her moods and to learn when she is being overly emotional due to her cycle so she could begin the process of learning to deal with this new reality.

Even though talking about this is uncomfortable for you, I do truly believe that you are the best person to help her understand and accept the changes in her body.

Good luck. Your daughter sounds like a wonderful girl.

Katty

[Lady]

Hi Jewels,
Please don't feel inadequate in any way. This is a normal happening in your daughter's life. I am sure she has plenty of friends, or school girlfriends, that have gone through this for years now. She is probably happy to finally "get it".

When she gets to school she will feel like one of the girls, now that she has started on her hormonal trip for many, many years to come. Like others have said, don't broadcast this to everyone she knows, or the family and friends either.

It is her right to tell whom she wishes to tell. In the beginning girls just tell their best friends. They are embarrassed because of the new things happening to their bodies.

I just hope by now that she is aware of the facts of life, the birds and the bees thing. You know what I mean. If she does not, or you are not sure, get her books like others have said, or sit down and have a nice and friendly talk, a Mom to Daughter bonding thing.

The schools are good at helping young ladies in times or monthly accidents or lack of bringing supplies with her when needed or unexpected. As you know she may not be regular in the beginning and have heavy and light days.

She will probably hate the little bloat she gets too. At 14, girls are very sensitive. But this is also the time when a girl really turns to her Mom for advice. Make it as normal of an experience as possible, because it is.

Down deep inside she probably is happy about this, so don't let her worry about it. She will have this for 50 to 60 years. She will get into the swing of it and it will become just as easy for her as washing her hair and brushing her teeth. We all had to go through this, you surley remember.

I knew about it from my friends and I was only 11 years old when I "got it". So when it happened I was not surprised. I also say we were fine because PMS was not invented back then. Gym helped and outdoor activities.

So don't you worry Mom she sounds like a wonderful, loving daughter who seems to be able to handle any situation. She just needs a few months to get used to it. You did good Jewels, congratulations to you.

[Dejibo]

A nice peice of jewelry was a great idea! Books are wonderful, but most girls in her age bracket are already surrounded by other girls who have walked there before her. A book would give her a chance to read in private, or even review.

AFTER the event has a day or two to get behind her, sit her down, and ask her if she has any questions. Tell her there is no "normal" some girls go 2 days, and others a full 7, and some even a full 9!" some are light, and some are heavy. I dont know how you feel about tampons, but I thought they were the BEST invention EVER! I felt so conspicious with those huge mattress pads between my legs. I felt like everyone could see them, and they felt awful, let alone once they started to stain, you felt dirty. Tampons were a huge relief for me, and made me feel like I didnt even have a period. I just needed to remember to change them. Please know that a tampon DOESNT break a hymen. The hymen MUST already be broken for blood to flow past with the first period.

It may just be comforting to her to know that a case of the grouchies or "PMS" is normal. To be grouchy is one thing, but even PMS is NOT an excuse to be rude. If she doesnt feel well, she should excuse herself from the activities and go lay down. Cramps are normal for some, and not every girl has cramps with every period. Advil is very effective against cramps because they work on the smooth muscle type pain, where as tylenol doesnt.

Congratulations! your little girl is becoming a woman. She may or may not feel like answering questions, or even listening to your advice, but if you get her a book, she can pick it up, if and when she wants to.

[lady_express_44]

I think that above all else, she needs to know everything there is to tell about "the birds and the bee's" and general hygiene, i.e.:

- what is the point of menstrual cycle
- about "choices" and dangers (STD's)
- what boys will be after at this age
- how to protect herself (condoms, birth control)
- "saving" herself for marriage (or whatever your ideal)
- how to use/dispose of pads
- the dangers of tampons left in too long
- etc.

If you are not comfortable having this IN DEPTH conversation with her, ask her doctor to discuss these things with her ASAP.

At 14, she knows much more than you give her credit for, but not enough to make wise decisions on her own. My girls were taught Sex Ed from kindergarten on in school, and I was very open with them too .... but there was still a lot to absorb once it mattered to them personally.

I also opened the door for my daughters to have a one on one relationship with their doctor, and his number is posted on my fridge. All I can do is make rules so that they are less likely to get themselves into a sticky situation, but kids will find a way if they are determined enough. I really don't want to know the intimate details of their escapades ... but I do want to know they are protected and that THEY know what they are doing/getting themselves into!

My sis came home pregnant at age 15 (she was the bookworm of the family) and she was 5 months along before she told anyone. I do NOT want that for my kids, more than anything else (well, except death, of course). That requires frank discussion.

Cherie

[braingonebad]

I only remember my mom saying stuff about feminine hygiene products, offering me a hot water bottle and some brandy for cramps (brandy after school, not before lol).

We didn't have pamprin and all that.

she said she'd answer whatever questions I had - and I felt comfortable, I would have asked. I was more concerned about how to smuggle pads into school than anything. Aha, I thought - that's why women carry pocket books!

My dd got it really bad, and I sympathized although could not really relate - I never had much trouble. I think I handled it like my mom, but we talked a lot earlier in dd's life. she knew about this probably from toddlerhood, asking what those *things* were in the bathroom.

Still, when she started, she was mad - nobody warned her it was gonna hurt so bad!

Poor kid. Nobody warned me she was gonna have cysts.

Originally Posted by Lady

It is her right to tell whom she wishes to tell. In the beginning girls just tell their best friends. They are embarrassed because of the new things happening to their bodies.

I heard about those *things* but waited and waited. Nothing. Not a thing happened to this body till i got pregnant with my first. I was built like a pipe cleaner.

[SallyC]

My 10 yr old baby granddaughter, received her's a couple of months ago..

I thought I had mine young, at 12, but 10???? Sheesh!!!!