Just talked to my daughter. Hard talk. When we got into it hard she said she cant take this another 3mo or 6mo. Not knowing and me being this sick. then what came up was how I do this dance of trying to not get bad enough to end up needing to go to ER or need my lousy neuro at the university who she doesnt like any more than I do. She said you may well need to let that happen so they see. You need to get worse. To have a week when you do it all and end up in ER, in the hosp so they see.

I started to cry. I told her that the hosp MG crisis in 08 left me with such a loss of strength that still hasnt been recovered. And the one in March took my vision and now my ability to talk hardly at all. She said it may be painful physically and mentally but will have to happen so they get it. I said pain isnt the issue as much as terrified. I told her I dont even feel pain normally anymore. I dont feel normally around my oown grandkids after the long spell of physical pain and mistreatment by medical people. She said use that as your reason to do this.

I told her this is exactly what my best friend and confidant has said in years past and again recently. Tho she gets my fear and I dont think my duaghter does.

Last nite I cried after suddenly remembering so clearly this amazing wook sculpture I did back in 95. I hadnt thoguth of any of my art for sometime. But I am sure my youngest daughters comment the day she took me too the ENT is what sparked this. She said mom I'd much rather see you buying art supplies and doing your art than any of this. I am so far removed from who I used to be. My life, my face, my body. I dont recognize myself anymore.

Help..........
Annie59