[tshazel82]

my life was normal in July on the way to due my clinical's for becoming a medic home schooling my babies an finally my marriage getting back to normal after battling cervical cancer was very close to family an friends then one day got sick had emergency brain sugary an my life went up side down again an lost my friends an family for being sick. i Due feel Blessed that for today im here with my kids but i wont lie im sick everyday an my heart breaks a little everyday they have given me an expectoration date an no understanding what is going on with me im having to make some hard decisions today one is due i have another brain sugary.. that might fix everything but i also might loss my life or just come out of it not able to live my life an to have eye sugary which there is a 50/50 chance ill become blind for once i wish my odds where better then 50/50 hell ill be happy with 60/40 lol but the hardest thing of all is how do i say goodbye to babies how do i make sure that they will know that mama will always be with them an love them..... its killing me just the thought of not being able to wipe my kids tears away hearing there sweet voice an holding them ........... or to be able to see them grow up to me amazing people the list goes on an on for what i will miss......an to add my mirage that i have lost it went from marring my best friend to living with a stranger, no matter how hard i try not to look or act sick in front of him he still looks at me with anger an acts like i have already lost the fight!im just so damn mad.. all i have left is Faith an Hope an some days even that runs short!!!

[Rrae]

Welcome to NT!

I'm so sorry you are battling these things! You certainly have the right to feel frustrated and angry.
You've come to a wonderful place of support and understanding. People here really do care and you certainly won't feel alone in this.
Feel free to look through all the different forums and post anywhere - you'll fit right in!

Please hang on to your faith and hope, as it will carry you far.

It's great to have you here! Just holler if you have any questions or need help in finding your way around.

Caring,
Rae

[ginnie]

You have every right to feel as you do. Get a small tape recorder, pocket size and record every single thing you want to say to your children. I am not on speaking terms with my own daughter, so I do this, so that someday she will remember me once again. The traumas we go though do make life so difficult. I hope you pull through your medical conditions, and resume a good and loving life. ginnie

[mg neck prob]

My heart breaks reading this ....Im at a lost for words. I will pray for God's intervention in your marriage and health. May God Bless and bestow healing in your body and marriage.

[katmae]

you have come to the right place,you will find a lot of good and caring people here,I pray that things get better for you and your family

[rmschaver]

I will pray for you. In some of my darkest hours my father in law gave me a book to read. It is The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. It is about a professor who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. After thinking he had it beat he learned at most he had 6 months to live. With two young children who would never know him he faced many of the same questions you are.

[Banburycross]

Originally Posted by tshazel82

my life was normal in July on the way to due my clinical's for becoming a medic home schooling my babies an finally my marriage getting back to normal after battling cervical cancer was very close to family an friends then one day got sick had emergency brain sugary an my life went up side down again an lost my friends an family for being sick. i Due feel Blessed that for today im here with my kids but i wont lie im sick everyday an my heart breaks a little everyday they have given me an expectoration date an no understanding what is going on with me im having to make some hard decisions today one is due i have another brain sugary.. that might fix everything but i also might loss my life or just come out of it not able to live my life an to have eye sugary which there is a 50/50 chance ill become blind for once i wish my odds where better then 50/50 hell ill be happy with 60/40 lol but the hardest thing of all is how do i say goodbye to babies how do i make sure that they will know that mama will always be with them an love them..... its killing me just the thought of not being able to wipe my kids tears away hearing there sweet voice an holding them ........... or to be able to see them grow up to me amazing people the list goes on an on for what i will miss......an to add my mirage that i have lost it went from marring my best friend to living with a stranger, no matter how hard i try not to look or act sick in front of him he still looks at me with anger an acts like i have already lost the fight!im just so damn mad.. all i have left is Faith an Hope an some days even that runs short!!!

Just wanted to say hi and offer a chat buddy if you'd like. I had similar circumstances, except for was single with kids. Lost friends left and right. I asked my oldest friend if she would take my youngest child for me if something happened to me on Xmas eve, she was livid with me said I ruined her Xmas.

By the time they found out was ill I had 1-6 mos to live. I came through successfully, it was just chemo which doesn't compare to your ordeal. However chemo left me 10x worse. I tried to do something nice for each of my girls and myself too! Before treatment. I.e. took 12 yr old to water park (left her for a few hrs have cardio workup). Gave my car to 17 yr old. (had to take it back as my other and I crashed last July). Actually never got to myself, but year before knowing I was I'll, despite drs, I flew to china and visited Himalayas climbed a mtn to watch total eclipse of the sun.

My exes (alas I have 2) and siblings were nice for a few mos.. Kinda. The. Feel as I was just written off. Friends scold me raise voice at me, for I appear/look normal. But when fatigue sets in I cannot speak thoughts nor hear well. I do hope you have someone supportive.

I'll try to do my best and just listen if you need to vent, I often feel worse afterwards. I like action or trying something that gives me hope. Daydream about spending my day in Indonesian isles (so I can afford a housekeeper/cook). Or living in Maui, easy to get around, fresh food, warm salt water.

Fire your drs if you can if they are not comforting to you, supportive or helpful!

Look forward to chatting with you should you desire. Wishing you perhaps just a moment of peace for you today.

Regards, katherine