Drew, I am new here, I just wanted to say how sorry I am for you losing your partner. I know how tough that would be for you right now!!

I have been with mine for 4 years now and believe me I know my pain has put a strain on our relationship. I met him just 5weeks before my last fusion and I NEVER thought he would hang around afterwords. But he did. Amazingly enough!! We are due to get married this September but I know there are days when i shout and scream at him because I am in so much pain and he will keep telling me to stop and to stop pushing him away. Sometimes I think I do it cos I can't believe he still puts up with me, other times I'm in so much pain I don't care if he left!! However there have been a few occasions when he has walked out and I have felt like my world has fallen apart, so I do understand how upsetting and painful it is. I have ended up having to beg him to come back and promise that I will stop pushing him away but there are times I just don't realize I am doing it and times when I think he would be far better off with someone other than me. Someone he could actually have a "life" with!!

I am in so much pain all the time that we can't organize anything really. I can't tell him that on Saturday, for example, we'll go out and do something, cos I don't even know if I'll be able to get out of bed!!!

Life can be extremely cruel, and it seems to happen to those of us who have spent their lives trying to do all the right things!!

My heart goes out to you, and I hope you have friends around you to support you through all of this. I used to be a member of the '**' forum before I met my partner, and believe me that forum kept me going and stopped me from ending it all when the pain just became to intolerable to manage anymore. I made some great friends, granted they were all half way across the world, but they were always there when I needed them, and visa versa. As they helped me I helped them, finally finding that I did have a purpose to carry on. Seemed hard to see at the time but in theory that's what happens.

I had found that because of always being in pain my friends here no longer wanted to know and I was basically left on my own, isolated, in a new area as I'd just moved house, knew no one around me and only had one true friend who was there for me regardless of what state I was in, when she was able to.

I'll be thinking of you and feel free to stay in contact, I'm happy to talk, regardless of the time.

Take care

Thank you for your honesty, Lizbiz.

Me and hubby have had round after round and I too don't know if it will last. But that would go for any relationship basically, but I know there's added stress with my problems and added stress with his problems. Don't make for a lot of happiness.

Hang in there... but don't believe the calvary is coming cuz it's not...

Thanks Broken Wings, I understand what you mean. Life can be tough on the other person in your life. I guess because they are the closest to you they are the one you lash out at first and hurt without realising what you're doing!! I know I lash out at my fiancé alot, especially when the pain is unbearable and he either asks me something stupid or does nothing around the house to help me out, cos he knows there are things I just can't do, and when I'm in the mess I am in right now he doesn't seem to do anything and that really infuriates me, so I lash out..big time!! Not physically (I wouldn't have the strength) but verbally, which I think can sometimes be worse. I say things I don't really mean and I say things to push him away, wanting him to leave me alone and walk...then I realise that's the last thing I want him to do..however, I have made him walk several times and been so scared that he won't come back. He's my rock and I'd be lost without him!!

Hugs,
Liz

yeah, I know how you're feeling.

I don't think he cares if the house is a jumble... and he certainly don't care enough to take care of it.

I have to say, he's failed the "nesting" concept, you know, bowls, cookers...

He does some cooking and it's the best.

And other things he does very well now, shopping at the Dollar General, dishwasher (in/out), folding most laundry and putting it away, going to the USPS for both of us (2 boxes). He's graduated.

And then.... well, he tries to get by as long as he can on most other stuff that he will do but procrastinates till I'm furious.

I have found writing things on a list is better for both of us.... if you can write well enough for him to read what you meant...

and besides, when he don't want to I don't want him to then. So we both end up setting in jumble.

It's our Palace. Rome wasn't built in a day, you know.

When you can, take a strike at it and walk away, It'll be there for you when you're able to take another strike at it. Even engage your feet if you can, to pick things up off the floor, separating clothes, move the laundry basket to another area.

And for a year or two... or four... five... I ran a copying machine with my feet. yelp, had that sucker in the floor.

I'm able enough to get to it a bite at a time, so it's looking better than it's looked in years, inside and out. It does help the mood some too. You just have to wear invisible blinders at times and go on with your day. Do the best you can. Hit the high spots if you can.

I did like the "Funny cleaning tips" from "DiMarie" Where can I get one of those? It's a cutie !!!

We grew closer but with lots of stress cracks !!!! use LOVE for glue

It'll all work out.

We're a work in progress...