[oldsteve]

.
A little old guy is walking around in a supermarket calling out, Crisco,
Crissssssscoooo!'

Soon an assistant manager approaches and says, 'Sir, the Crisco is in
aisle 3.'

The old guy replies, 'Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff. I'm
calling my wife. She's in here somewhere'

The clerk is astonished.

'Your wife's name is Crisco?'

The old guy answers, 'Oh no, no, no. I only call her that when we're out
in public.'

'I see,' said the clerk.

'What do you call her at home?'

'Lard ***.’