OT I give up (also posted in NM)

mamafigure · 10-04-2006, 12:46 PM

Thanks for your concern. Your ideas make sense. I pm'd you.
mama

ZucchiniFlower · 10-04-2006, 02:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BEMM

Dear Mamafigure, unless your doctors have rock sure reasons for performing surgery, I would, if I were you, avoid it at all costs. Unless you are more than 80% sure that surgery is necessary and that it will be of benefit to you, I think you are better off without such a drastic procedure. Unless several doctors - not surgeons but specialists in whatever you have that they feel must be explored by surgery - agree that this is a necessary last resort, I would beg out and cancel.
Try every other means of finding out what is giving you such pain before you resort to surgery. I can't begin to imagine what it could be, and it sounds to me as if the doctors have the same dilemma. In general I think exploratory surgery is a bad idea.
I am certainly all for necessary surgery, and would encourage you if that were the case, but in your case I think Rosebud's advice might help you more than the doctor's.
I am so sorry that you are in such pain. I hope you find the cause and resolve your problem successfully. In the meantime, I wish you strength and perseverance.

The very best wishes,

birte

That's my view, too, based on what little knowledge I have of your situation. I had chronic pain in my belly and refused exploratory surgery for myself. If I did have endometriosis, they would have put me on a hormone pill that I didn't want to take, so I figured what's the point. After about a year, the pain disappeared.

I would want to know how your treatment would change if they found this or that, and do you even want that treatment.

I would also get a second opinion. I saw a female gynecologist who was already talking hysterectomy before she even examined me. I did not let her examine me!

Trust your instincts. Do NOT always trust your doctor.

mamafigure · 10-04-2006, 06:32 PM

Thanks, this is my third opiinion, and I respect him. My problem lies with me.

mama

Jaye · 10-05-2006, 07:35 AM

I'm a mama, too, and a stepmama, and I want to tell you what I have taught my own children.

Growing up means taking ever increasing responsibility for your own decisions. This means not only that you get to choose for yourself, but also that you have to bear the consequences of your choices.
No one ever makes a decision with all the information available that they need to make the decision. There are always unknowns and, therefore, risks.
You can choose how you feel. Anxiety is physiologically the same thing as excitement, and, apart from some illness such as a brain disorder or chemical imbalance, you can adopt a useful attitude, a self-defeating one, or something in-between. (If you are unable to adopt a positive attitude without just putting on an act, maybe it's time to discuss the possibility of depression with your doc. Or not. Something to think about.)
If you keep doing the same thing in the same way, don't expect the outcome to be any different than it was before.
We can only change or control ourselves, not other people and not Mother Nature. Depending on others involves risks, and only we ourselves can decide which ones to take.
If we maked our decisions carefully and responsibly, with all the information we can find and all the honesty we are capable of, then when the future moment of terror comes we will be wise to trust the decisions of the self who made them with a clear mind and a cool head.

As a mother, what do you want to teach or model for YOUR children?

I hope there is something here which is of use to you or someone reading.

Best wishes,
Jaye

mamafigure · 10-05-2006, 09:57 AM

Jaye,
What you say is true, but that does not really help in the place that I am. I kept everything in and that wasn't working, and so started to share some of my concerns, hoping that it would help. It does, some.

Some decisions, after they are made give a sense of release and commitment. This decision does not.

I know that I am acting childlike, and I know that the problem lies within me, but that does not make it any easier. I have had some depression over the years, have tried a couple of meds, but they made matters worse, so I normally can handle things. There are two things I can't get my thoughts around...surgery/dr stuff and the anniversary of my son's death which is coming up next month. These two have lives of their own.

I very much appreciate you sharing your wisdom, and I appreciate your concern. You are right, I am in this alone.

mama

Jaye · 10-05-2006, 10:18 AM

mama,

I'm think we're seeing this from different angles. By setting my reply in the context of my own family I had hoped to remain clear of giving you advice directly. I don't in any way know what you should do. Your name called my own motherhood to mind, and I can see that it looked like I thought I was mothering you. Not my intention at all.

Let's peel off another layer from my words. I experienced very critical mothering as a child and have learned to look to myself, and any mother-spirit or paradigm or model I can use, to nurture myself when I need it. This is merely a revelation of how my mind works and is probably the setting from which I was thinking. It would certainly be off-base for me to be scolding you for anything. While I can't predict if someone else will find my words useful, I'm still sorry to have caused you discomfort.

Another layer: It happens I'm having a total hip replacement on Tuesday.

All the best to you,
Jaye

BEMM · 10-05-2006, 01:10 PM

to say GOOD LUCK Jaye.
If courage flags a bit, think of England's Queen Mum's hip replacements! She had two of them, and I remember a little vignette of her in a film clip of a church service: There was a lot of standing up and sitting down - and the Queen Mum was up and down and up again as quickly and as easily as the young people aroud her - and that was with two new hips - and she must have been well over thirty years older than you at the time.
Royal hips or real people's hips - the replacements really work.
I paid attention to it because it was quite jealous-making. I can't get up without a major struggle.

Mend well and quickly.

The very best wishes from birte

mamafigure · 10-05-2006, 04:54 PM

You are fine. I use my parenting as a tool, also. I'm sorry that you have to have surgery and I wish you the best. My grandmother had it a few years ago and breezed through it. I think that she was 90 at the time.

My own mom just had knee replacement today. It looks like it went well.

Don't ever think that you have to apologize to me. I am just in a wierd place right now, so I am sorry that I have burdened everyone with my problems.

Take care - and get well soon!!

kathy

pegleg · 10-05-2006, 11:54 PM

Hi old gang (as in time - not age)! And hi to you, too, mamafigure

We've been talking about this surgery.. And I am shocked that some people have advised you NOT to have the exploratory surgery. If I had the pain as long as you have (and the other symptoms), I would jump on that table in a minute. People die of gangrene or a rupture from something as simple as appendicitis. I advise you not to mess with the "unknown."

And here's a big part of your problem: you said I am sorry that I have burdened everyone with my problems. Will you stop already? You aren't a burden - or these nice people replying would not have taken the time to do so.

I've gotcha on my prayer list and it looks like a few others have, also. You'll do just fine - I know it.

And keep us posted - WE CARE!

Your friend -
Peg

mamafigure · 10-06-2006, 12:34 AM

Thanks, Peg.

I hope that you are doing better tonight...but you should be in bed.

I was so sick when I got home, that even though Kevin was here, I fixed a quick supper for them and went to bed. I was up in an hour, took the blasted zanax well over an hour ago and I am still wide awake...and hurting, too.

I am gong to make up a list for the dr and anesthesiologist and see if that helps. I will meet with my counsellor tomorrow, but for the life of me, could not accomplish the two goals that she set out for me, i.e. sleep, and a scenario that I could escape into.

How anyone can be so scared of so many medical things is beyone my comprehension.

Thanks for being a true friend, and I hope that you feel better tomorrow,
mama

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