Sex, yes, but many others as well. Art. Science.

I don't know if it is the PD, the meds, or what. But I suspect that it is at least partially the realization that life is finite. I never danced. Too uptight. Dared not look silly. Yet had a secret urge to do so. Then one day I realized that I had lost the opportunity to be a dancer.

So, now I dance. Just not very well.

Thank you for your loving response, everybody on this thread .
I do not know what else to say, it is so surprising to me that you had this feelings and changing in interests and the sorrow about passions that are lost.

My passion has always been music. I studied piano since I was 8 years old and even went as far as applying to New England Conservatory and worked on my audition. I changed my mind for something more lucrative and due to other reasons, but that's another story.

Anyway, as this condition has progressed, I noticed in a big way that my technique is not what it used to be. I don't have the fine control over the tone and eveness that I used to. I can't always coordinate the hands especially if they have to play quickly together among other deteriorating skills like memory problems. There's nothing like working your butt off on something one day, think you have it together, and look at the same page the next day and still not be able to play it! This alone is very discouraging and depressing. It's as though the mind and body are a statue being dripped on by acid, and slowly crumbling away.

So now I don't play as much as I did before, but when I do I make the most of it. I even chose another keyboard instrument called the clavichord. The clavichord is a very quiet instrument that works by striking the strings with little metal plates called tangents. It's actually pretty difficult to play because it requries absolute relaxed muscles, but once you get used to it, the instrument sings beautifully.

For me the clavichord has something different to give me a different outlook on my first passion because the instruments are similar. The keyboard is a little narrower because the keys are smaller, and the range is shorter so there's no Chopin or Brahms, but a lot of Bach, Handel and even Mozart. The music is also a lot simpler (relatively speaking) in comparision to Beethoven's Appasionata or a Chopin Etude, which I would die for. It's like the difference between a sweet sugary dessert without substance, and a wonderfully rich chocolate tort that melts in your mouth.

At any rate, at the same time, like other people here, I've focused again on the technical side of things. I'm a IT person by vocation and I've decided to finish off my Bachelor's Degree in Information Technology. I figured what the heck, no one is going to hire me anyway at this point, but I need to accomplish something in my life. I now have 12 classes to go, with the current one on of all things, chemical dependency in the workplace.

This is quite an interesting class as it focuses on substance abuse and how the body grows dependent on the chemicals it is taking in. This class I think is very appropriate for what we go through with the Parkinson's because it points out how the different receptors and neurotransmitter work, and other aspects of physical as well as psychological addition.

John

about 30% of us suffer from apathy. The off-label use of Strattera, an Alzheimers drug, helps some.

It is kind of like depression without the sadness. I suffer from it. The only thing that works for me is to start small and work my way up to meaningful tasks. Turn your TV, or what ever you do to pass the time, off and start moving. Get a treadmill if your weather precludes you from walking outside.
Exercise is the key. Find some exercise that you can do, no matter how easy it is, and do it faithfully. IF you miss a day, and you will, just pick up where you left off.

You will find an improvement after a week or two. Going to PD functions energizes me too. If you have someone to exercise with or encourage you, that is good too.

Charlie

You have great humor, depression without the sadness, it must be something special. I am almost smiling. Think you are right about getting out of the chair ,start moving in the fresh air, thank you- -.
I wrote about my crazy shopping period, now I see :1 $ is 5kr, - it is the Euro. that is 8 kr. So , I spent 4000 $ on this "****".
John: I tried Beethoven 5 symphony , feeling better !

Annelise

Vertigo I also am taking Requip and found myself doing the same thing that you describe about shopping for things I didn't need. I knew it wasn't normal behaviour but the requip has helped me in a lot of ways and so I keep on taking it. I was taking 14 mgs a day and reduced it to 12 mgs but I still notice this compulsive behaviour. I have had to increase my Levodopa to keep up with the progression of the P.D. I also started to give away things, as you did jt, it just didn't seem to matter any more. Strange behaviour but I accept it as part of this crazy disease. I am sure there is a lot more to come. Just try to maintain a positive attitude and keep going, your in good company.

I have found that in order to keep my passions alive, I have to work at it, and force myself if need be..That depression without sadness that Chasmo described, is the kind that I have, and what I know about it, is for me, that it has the potential to become something worse, and I have to be on my guard constantly, or pd wins..The weather got cold suddenly around here, and automatically I didnt feel like leaving the house, and for about a week, I went out only when I had to..I was staying up untill 3:00 am and sleeping till 10-11:00 in the morning..I didnt go out fishing, even though I could have a couple of days..I went out yesterday and brought some traps in, and it felt good to accomplish something..I felt useful..When I loaf around, and find excuses to stay idle, it is bad for the morale, and bad for the spirit

is it your eyes are too dry -
crying works for me and then I thankmy eyes for the healing tears?

here is a humourous quote:
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
L. Frank Baum

My 30-year passion for writing computer software, for applying logic, for solving problems, for learning new technologies--they're all gone. I've lost most of my desire to acquire or keep material things. I'm willing to give things of value away to others. Material things just seem to clutter and complicate my life. I can't keep track of it all.

It could be depression or apathy. My psychologist says I'm depressed. It's true my energy levels are low. I started bupropion more than a month ago, and it gives me more energy and ability to concentrate. But I have not regained the passions for things that were a major part of my life for so many years.

I feel old and useless. The young programmers these days are so much quicker and learn so much faster. I'd like to retire from my current work and may have to, because the young programmers and massive technology changes are a reality, not a manifestation of any sort of depression. I'm not in a position to retire, and my disability insurance denied my claim. Theoretically, I can still work. But practically speaking, my best days are definitely behind me. This would be a problem even without PD. The PD just makes everything so much more difficult. How does one change careers at the age of 56 with PD? I don't know the answer to that one. For now, I'm just hanging on. Every month I work is another payment into my retirement fund. I really don't like feeling so ineffective while I'm on the job, however.

Dear Tena : I agree with the fact that tears are best healer ... BUT tears are very dear like diamonds ... they do not come bye easily specially with parkinson ... so all we normally get is dull depression ..
We cry only when we are connected with our deepest pains and sorrows .. when the mysterious paths to the past in our brains are unblocked ..
We do not normally have the time, space or the set up to allow us to cry ..
I need to make this set up consiously.. I need to force myself remember .. I need a sad melody or a drama... then may be the tears will come in trickles..
Unfortunately I have not cryed much in a long time because in a family set up it is not easy simply to cry !