I am in touch with adelina too. I am sorry your pain is so bad. I do know what the condition you have is. I wish It would go away, and allow you to live a better life. You will be in my thoughts and prayers too. I am sorry if I didn't catch your post to welcome you to NT. Thank you for being here. I hope you get lots of emotional support from the members here. I came here because of my extreme fright when facing a big surgery. I never left, because of the care and compassion I received at this site. I wish you all the best, and I hope your pain is less today. ginnie

1/15/12
Oh fireball, how can this happen? So often I wonder why? how? what in the world (see-stages of grief thanks to glenn - I am still all caught up in these stages!)? You are in a horrid situation and I can really empathize. I am truly sorry about what you are going through. And what you (and Zorro brought up) say about the invisible disability is so true. So many people in my day to day life just don't understand because they can't visually see physical damage. And just trying to explaining to them doesn't work - "Oh, your in pain? Thats to bad. Take some aspirin". I have found that only fellow pn'ers can really understand my symptoms and the impact they have on my life. That is why this thread ended up here. I hope you find support here too.

Sorry about the temper tantrum up there by the way. I know its okay to have one, I just wish I could express myself better. I don’t know the right words to use when I am frustrated and I was so frustrated. I just can’t believe I was out of commission for the whole week! ARRGGGHHHHHH!

Things are a little better around here. The appointment with the therapist went well. She seems ok. We have another app on Monday for a different one. Then we will decide between the two, as I have not heard back from any of the other calls I have made. I would really like to do an intensive workshop but it costs nearly a thousand dollars - I just don’t get it. Why do they charge so much? How many couples can actually afford that? There must be a lot of couples like us who are middle class and it is impossible to come up with an extra thousand dollars! On another note, we are trying to improve our communication. At least I am bringing it up tot him and he says he will do it. I don’t like that though I want him to be more self aware and assertive about fixing our relationship on his own. He has not done a thing. He doesn’t look on line about improvements, he didn’t look for a therapist, he doesn’t tread any books. If I bring up an issue and he happens to agree then he will agree we need to work on it. But that is as far as an effort as he will put. If he would …. I’ve got to stop wishing!

So … Thanks to all and everyone helping me along - I consider this my own personal therapy. It really helps me to just write this down and express myself. And it REALLY helps when other people write in as well - I just love this website - it almost scares me enough to say I don’t want to get over my pn !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Halleluiah!!! Found a really good therapist - we think. We met her Monday night. She can meet with us in the late evening so not to interfere with the kids schedule nor hubbys works schedule. She immediately started to address issues with us. She brought up the “Stages of grief”. Which I have explored (thanks to dr.smith) but hubby has never even considered, and she even worded it in a manner that he could completely relate to and found appealing to explore and work on. I realized from the way she put it that this has been a major problem all along - he has ignored his grief at the loss of my former self. It was a real eye opener. She also immediately picked up on and noted that he needed to work on his emotional work and that I need to give him more of a break. So I am really pleased with the situation. We asked her to give us exercises to work on and she did. So maybe things will start to change.

I would appreciate anyone’s input about “stages of grief”. I did google it dr.smith, but got overwhelmed with the amount of sites. Do you recommend a certain site or anyone recommend a particular book? I would really appreciate a good book on the topic.

Thanks all

I am so glad to hear that you have found someone you both can like. You really are in a better situation, when your husband goes with you. that means that he wants to work at the relationship. It already seems that the therapy is working. I am very happy for you. If she can open his eyes in a new way, it will bring you closer together, maybe more than you have been in a long time.
I hope your pain levels, go down. Maybe they will when there is less stress on the home front. Good news from you is fantastic. Keep in touch ginnie

Hi I am with ginnie I am so glad that you have found a therapist you and yur husbad both seem to like. When I was in school in the 90's I had to read a book on the stages of grief. The autors name is Dr. Elizabeth Kubler Ross. I believe it may even be titled the Stage of Grief. I don't know if there are newer books out there but hers is the one nurses always had to read. Hope that helps!

We had therapy on Tuesday night and when we walked out hubby turned to me and said “Thank you for finding Lee, I feel so much better after talking to her. I really appreciate you doing the work to get us the right therapist.” WOW. That is really big. What’s even bigger is that when we where getting into the car he said, grinning “I guess I’ll have to do something abusive now that I said something nice to you.” Jokingly of course, but that is his method of beginning to deal with matters that are difficult. The reality that he even brought up that he has been abusive is amazing. I really feel good with this therapist. We worked more on grief stages. And she really, really called Husband on his issues - and he did not get defensive!!! She did a lot of validating me, which I don’t get anymore. It’s been so refreshing I have noticed I am tons less tense and frustrated through the day, nor as irritated at the kids so quick. I am still in just as much physical pain so I need to get back in with the pain specialist, but am really pleased to note the emotional quagmire is beginning to thin.

I wanted to add that we did get the stages of grief book by Dr. Ross and I am beginning to read it - thanks!

I really want to thank all of you had the patience and caring to stick with me and care. I am sure some people are not as patient with me as others, but to all of you - THANK YOU!

Woo Hoo!! Good deal!

Judi