After taking a break for a year or so, I am back. I have missed reading the posts and hope everyone is "holding their own." Lots of changes for me. I have left the field of dialysis nursing and have joined the ranks of ER nursing. That was a big change! My husband and I entered into marriage counseling about 8 months ago. Things are not looking hopeful. Despite being together for 29 years the marriage counselor feels that our relationship is a toxic one. Wonder if having a chronic illness is a significant contributing factor here? We are about to embark on a 3 mos trial separation next month. I don't relish the idea of being alone esp since I have no idea where my health will be in the years to come, but during one of my periods of greatest need, he abandoned me. He refused to help me get any food to eat while he would go into town and feed himself. He made me drive myself to therapy on a daily basis, during the winter mos, after I had shoulder surgery and was limited to the use of one arm and was still taking Percocet ..... All because his sexual needs weren't being met. I am having a hard time with forgiveness and feel like he will abandon me again so why bother!! For some great news....My youngest son returned home from Afghanistan this fall. My first grandchild is due in June, a surprise from my oldest son and daughter-in-law. He graduated from pharmacy school earlier this spring so they felt they were finally ready to start a family. As far as my health.... I still struggle with the PN. Taking 1800 of neurontin daily and rarely ever use the tramadol bc it doesn't really help me. I do use the lidoderm patches, messy, but they allow me to sleep. Also take ambien at night. If I can get a good night sleep, I find I can tolerate the next day much better. PN much worse during periods of rain, BTW. Thanks friends for letting me vent and ramble. Will continue to read the posts. Lots of catching up to do.