You have my sympathies. It sounds as if you are really struggling. You are right a lot of people here are older than you. For example i am 40 but I have had this for 8 years and it's never a nice thing whenever it happens.

The thing I want to say is that over the 8 years I have been on this forum, I have seen many people after 3,4, or 5 years disappear. Then they have written to advise that either they have recovered or they have recovered enough to lead a normal life again so they move on from here. I remember private messages from a few of these people and they told me that they thought recovery was impossible, but they eventually recovered. You can't loose hope. I too have lost friends because of this illness but have made better friends in the process. I also have body wide PN, Graves' disease,open back surgery, foot drop, anxiety, and a few other bits and pieces. I wake up each morning not really knowing how I am going to feel, also living with that uncertainty. But I am still here by the grace of god, therefore I must make the most of my life. You have hit a low point now, but you are a strong person and I know you won't give up. You have a lot of years ahead of you, and one day this illness will be a distant blur. Don't give up, and getting down is quite normal. It's ok to feel sad now and again. I stress the fact that you may need better pain management. Also it sounds as if you can use some distraction from all this too. As crappy as you feel you should try to get your mind off of this as much as you can. Watch comedies,cook, go for pleasant walks, talk to friends (even if only on phone). Try to get some sun, read a good book. If you want a laugh I strongly recommend the book Handbags and Homicide. The entire time I was reading that book I was giggling and I totally forgot all about my aches and pains. Funny that huh??