I was thinking this morning. I wonder if there will ever be a time that I wake up in no pain. Or at least less pain.

I am only 55. I know some people on here are much younger and I feel terrible for those of you who are. It's unfair that you should have to be subjected to this at such a young age. At least I was lucky to not develop PN until the age of 48. I had my children at a young age so they were all grown. My last was in college.

My life has changed so drastically. As has all of ours on this site. But I wonder if I'll ever be normal again. I still live on the hope that I will wake up one day and I will no longer have pain, my energy will be back and I'll be able to go on with life. Most people tell me I live in denial and need to get past that and accept my disease. I think why. Why can't I hope for the best and deal with the worst as it comes.

I think I still have many years to be here. I think and pray everyday for some thought on what I can do with the rest of my life. I want to do something meaningful and helpful to others. Not sure what that can be.

When I get these thoughts I think, "You can't do much or you will lose your disability." I know I can't allow myself to sit around and do nothing. At times I feel completely useless.

Does anyone else have these feelings? Please know that as I write this I am not depressed just pondering!