For me (married 34 yeears), it would be damaging for me to hide my feelings -- it would cause us to grow apart. But I try to find a way to talk about them that will have a positive outcome -- not make my husband defensive or angry or hurt. And I work at keeping alllines of communication open, not just talking about my feelings, but asking him about his. Our relationship has changed due to the PN, and I know that even though he knows it is not my fault, he sometimes gets angry about what has happened to us, because it has happened to us, not just me. I know I sometimes over burden him because he is so nice to fetch things for me and do things for me. I try to "pay him back" in other ways, being supportive of his emotional needs. Of course, 34 years of intimacy gives you a lot of knowledge of what the other needs. We all have our weaknesses and strengths, and although I have PN, I still have a lot of my strengths. One of them is that I never expect him to read my mind! I always ask for what I need. Sometimes the answer is no, and I live with that, but usually it is yes. I did pick a good husband! He's a peach! He has polycystic kidney disease, so sometime in the future, I may be caring for him. I hope I can be as caring for him as he has been for me.

Oooops! All of that underlining was a mistake! I am techno challenged.

meshing what you want, need and feel to their wants, needs, and feelings... We mean well, and at times it's not always taken well. What we with more severe PN and many of the 'issues' that come along with it or because of it, we have to admit, and speak up about...and maybe learn to ARTICULATE better are the distinctions between in most cases what we WANT to do, as opposed to what we CAN do.

I've had to turn down lots of possible adventures with a friend [serious cancer issues] I dearly love - a person who enjoys the NOW and really makes PLANS for the future while beating relapses and new wrinkles. I tell her to take LOTS of pictures...and share them w/me. She gets to relate her adventures, and I get to experience them as well, thru her eyes.

One thing I've done, for years, that may sound strange....folks go places and ask 'Can I get you something...a present, maybe?' I ask for rocks or pebbles ...I have rocks from all over europe, the US, Australia, you name it. These aren't big rocks - but a piece of a place and an experience of just a friend getting me a rock and remembering to do so. The stories I hear about getting THAT rock, where, when, and-at times-the 'Looks' they get going thru customs are priceless-I am travelling with them in the process. Why did I pick ROCKS, you ask? They are cheap, small, portable and aside from airport twidgies' sideways looks, harmless and kind of fun. Those rocks are a sign of friendship.

Thing is, friends are like those rocks, in that they are more than just a symbol of caring and sharing...They are rocks that are the foundations of friendships.

To me, IMHO, it sounds like you mite have gotten a ROCK! Living here, Rolling Thunder is a very important event. Having lived here during the late 60's onward and the building of The Wall. And, then all after that. I know far too much of what it is about. That you have a guy who's knowing of your pain and changing how he deals with what's likely some of his pain...well, that all is one very special thing to have and share. Talk as best you can about things when you can and how you can. Sometimes it's not the words of the talk, but the sharing of the emotions behind all that talk that is important.

Think of it this way, you could have a SO or DH and been together, yet, apart for years...Make every moment, especially the good ones count, then, like gardening...cultivate some more...just needs a little tending!

Hugs to you and your SO, and to all this weekend - WHO's GOT some wild parties planned? I wanna hear about stuff that'll make me laugh so hard I'll have tears! GOT IT? - j

This happened this afternoon.

I was so rattled by the guy following us last night, that my mind, well let's just say my mind was all befuddled (for want of a better word).

I had to go to the laundromat. Now I use fabric softener sheets. They come 36 to a box. I had used 6 already so that left 30 in the box, right.

I do the wash, bring everything over to the dryers and load the dryers. I used two dryers.

I put in one fabric softener sheet in each dryer.

I come back 30 minutes later, I open up the dryer on the right, and what do I see??? The box of Fabric Softener sheets. It was empty!!!

You see, I had put the box in the dryer too.

Do you know what happens when you accidentally put in a box of fabric softener sheets??? THE WHOLE BOX???? 30 fabric softener sheets?????

I'm still picking out fabric softener sheets from the wash.

BUT THE CLOTHES SMELLED GOOD AND WERE SOFT AS CLOUDS.

Try and imagine me opening up the dryer and looking at 30 fabric sheets all over my clothes.

I thought I lost my mind.

lol

Melody

Can't hide from those things! They CLING to everything! I find stray sheets in sleeves, in pant legs..well the adventure is full of 'anticipation'?

Now remember what Aussie's problem has been [probably] - that of smelling too good & attracting winged critters and other who knows what? Be careful out there! - j

Oh yes, was there a party at the Laundromat?

No party. Just 30 dryer sheets all over my wash.

Boy, did my wash smell good when I got home!!!!!

lol

Melody