I thought this might be a good topic for us to wrap ourselves around at our leisure, if we find we have too much of it over the long weekend.

Some of us are single/divorced/separated/widowed; some married; some living with children or parents.

Do we all have that significant other that came up in the "got hit over the head" thread, called by the boys, "wingman".

Because I do NOT have a wingman, or a SO to rely on, and I think, even having one, there are constant issues about what we are entitled to ask, when we've asked too much, when we've shrunken back from asking for what we need,, or feel trapped into not asking. And there are times when giving is effortless, almost transcendant, and times when we feel so spent, so used up,that there's not a breath to give.

I heard, in my mind's eye, when Billye was in the hospital and telling me she missed the board, I heard her needing to "ask" her husband for what she needed, and could feel her reticence to ask for anything extra from a man who was clearly taking care of a lot of things for her and being there for her in whatever way he knew.

Maybe she needed to ask, or maybe, maybe, she needed to demand.

But she was silent, because she was so incredibly sick.

I met a gentleman who has a motorcycle, and a couple of months ago he took me for a brief ride. It was magnificent. Forget that it's a crazy dangerous piece of machinery--I did not hurt sitting on the back seat. I was able to sit on it and lean forward and relax into just the right position for my back to be comfortable. I stayed on it for about 30 minutes and felt, well, young and healthy and a little bit wild.

So he offered to take me on a special ride this memorial day weekend--a Ride To the Wall--an event called Rolling Thunder---all veterans with motorcycles to ride in huge mass to the memorials in Washington DC. It seemed possible when we talked about it two months ago.

But you've all been reading what I've been going through. Obviously, it didn't seem particularly possible at this point. Well, I put off telling him that I needed to NOT go, ask if it were the same sort of "ask" as being asked for a gift. Because it was so important to him, asking him to give up his ride to be with me, or be alone, was a huge ask, and I needed support behind me to get myself strong enough to demand it. No ride for LizaJane. He was fine with that, and said he was surprised I'd not realized earlier that I can't handle it. I queried him: if you knew I couldn't handle it while I was acting like I could, why didn't you just point it out and say, Look, it seems like you're in way too much pain for the Ride, why dont we just go to the beach?

And his answer, like that of many men I can imagine in the same position, his answer--it seemed presumptuous to tell you what you could or could not do. So I figured the right thing to do was to let you decide. I didn't want to insult you or pressure you by telling you what I was seeing.

Maybe I'm a fool here, but I think this a problem we all face in various ways much of the time.

Any stories/feelings whatever to share along these lines?