Cathie:

I must tell you about my first day visiting my parents in Florida. I was 24, had my own apartment and my parents had decided to move to Port Richey, Florida. They would tell me about the palm trees, the Causeways, the beauty of Florida, well, I just had to see for myself, so I took 2 weeks vacation and off I went.

The plane lands and my parents pick me up and we are all smiles and as we drive out of the airport it starts to rain. But it's not raining on the other side of the street. As we go under a tunnel and out of the airport, it's raining again, but then I look back and it's not raining behind our car. I look at my father and he laughs "yeah, I know, I'm not used to this either, it's some kind of phenomon in Florida, it rains on one side of the street but not the other!! okay, that was interesting!!!!!

Then we drive into their driveway, I get out in front of their beautiful brand new house and I'm blown away by the majesty of all this beauty, with the palm trees, the foliage, (well, compared to Brooklyn, NY), Florida is gorgeous. So I had to go back to the car to get something, when I notice this THING on the door handle of my dad's car. I start screaming and say "what the hell is that thing"?? My father starts laughing and says: "oh, you have now met our new friend, the Palmetto bug". I said "the Palmetto what???" and he says "oh, it's a flying waterbug". I say "you have flying waterbugs and you still live here??" and he's laughing his head off. I most certainly did not find this amusing!!!

So we go into the house and they have something called a Florida Room, where you watch tv in a screened off room. My father is outside building a patio, laying down square pieces of patio material. I go outside and sit in a lounge chair. All of a sudden, this green thing jumps over my body. It was like watching a tennis game, with the ball going back and forth. These green things are jumping over my body. Well, I must have zoned out because after the 5th green thing jumped over me, I started screaming and my father finally noticed me and he said "what's the matter??" I look at him like he's lost his marbles and I say" "what's the matter, there are green things jumping over me, what's going on". I then get up and walk over to where he is laying down the patio and I kid you not, there were hundreds of green lizards hopping about, and my father is actually moving them out of where he was trying to put the cement and all the while he's talking to them saying 'get out of here". I look at my father like he lost his mind.

I run into the Florida Room and one of these green things follows me. I start screaming, my mother runs in with a broom and she laughs and goes "oh for crying out loud, one of them got in again"??? and she shoos him out of the room. I look at her like she lost her mind also!!!

I wouldn't leave the house again except to get in the car (which they kept in the garage). So what happens when we are in the car and we are driving around Port Richey and my father and mom are trying to show me the beauty of Florida??? I notice some kind of screen on the front of my father's car. No sooner do I say "Dad, what is that screen laying on top of your car??, when we are hit by a swarm of some creature known as Love Bugs. It seems that they travel in pairs and are always mating. They hit the front of the car with such force you need special screens.

When we got home, my father had to hose down his car because it was covered with Love Bugs.

My parents then asked me if I wanted to move down to Florida.

My answer. "You are both mentally ill". I really said this.

Between Palmetto Bugs, lizards and Love Bugs, are they serious????

I can laugh about this now because it's many many years later but I will never forget that Palmetto Bug if I live to be 100.


ick, and double ick!!!

Melody

Mel:

You really should write a book... I don't know one single person who has so many funny experiences to relate...

Cathie

I didn't see many little lizards in Fla when I was then a few years ago.

But around 10 yrs ago I was driving along the coast of N.Carolina to Okracoke.

I stopped at a rest stop--it was in the morning. So I thought to throw some trash away. As I approached the can....the whole thing rippled and moved!

It was covered by those little lizards--totally-- who had turned brown and blended in. (Chameleons?) So when I walked up I startled them. I screeched and jumped back, then laughed at myself. This was in the fall and it was not warm at all there. I walked up to the "information booth" and the gal in it was reading the Iraqi war #1 book (the first book) by General Schwartzenkoff and we had a good talk. She said the lizards eat the flies that come to the trash. I never could imagine so MANY of these things just sitting there waiting for their breakfast!

Mrs. D.

So now you can just imagine my father casually moving hundreds of these little green lizards out of the cement thing he was trying to put down to lay down the patio squares. I swear, I have never been exposed to such bugs, lizards or Flying Things, in my entire life.

Oh, when my parents were in Richey Manor Rehabilitation Home, I went to see them. I had no place to stay except in a nearby motel. Now I'm not afraid to travel by myself. I got married at the ripe old age of 32 so I have been places and seen things right?

So I left Alan and my son at home (little did I know my 14 year old son dialed up cable pay-per-view and charged the playbody channel to our bill. I was in Florida for 5 days and every time I called home, my husband would say 'wow, Frank is just watching tv during school vacation, havent' heard a peep out of him". Who knew that when I got home, I would get a $400 cable bill and see all those porno channel charges. I immediately called the cable company and the guy laughed his head off. Guess what he told me. "The number one problem parents have with 14 year old boys is they charge the playboy channel to their parent's account". "I'm giving you a one time credit, make sure he doesn't do it again". I said "this happens a lot??" He said "are you serious?, it happens every day'. Well, after I killed my son and broke his legs, (lol), believe me, he never did that again. I think I grounded him (well, who can remember how long I grounded him (but I GROUNDED him).

Anyway, back to what I'm doing in Florida. It was 10 p.m., I get back to the motel, and I have to make a wash. They have a section in the motel where you bring your clothes, you put quarters into the machine and you wash your stuff. I approach the machine and guess what is sitting in the place where you have to put the quarters??? A toad!!! Or a frog, I have no idea what you call these things. So I said outloud to myself. 'well, I'm obviously back in the state where they have lizards, love bugs and flying waterbugs, now I have to deal with a toad, Okay, Melody, it's one toad!!!! Guess what?? It wasn't one toadl They were all over the ground, hundreds of them. I nearly died. I ran into the manager's office and grabbed him and dragged him over to the machines going "Do you see, Do you see?" and he says "Lady all I see are frogs, what's your problem?"

Think I made a wash that night? Thank god, I brought enough clothes.
As I made my way to my motel room, guess what was laying all over my door to my little motel room? A whole bunch of preying mantises. I nearly croaked. I just took a stick or something, shooed them away, went in and first thing in the morning, checked out of that motel and got another one.

More classy, definitely more expensive and you should have seen the look on the guys face when I checked in saying "This place better not have any bugs".

Cmon, more stories about frogs, and flying things. Let's get our minds off of our PN.

Oh, I'm going to post a question about glucose numbers, for a friend of mine!!!

P.S. I'll give you guys another good tip. Next time you speak to your cable company person, ask the following question? "Are you giving any promos for Showtime, Starz or anything else??? They will always say, "oh no, we can't do that". Of course they can, it's just a flick of little switch or a press of their button on their keyboards, but they don't know that we know this.

So I reply. "oh, it's no big thing if you can't but my husband has neuropathy, and he can't walk anywhere, he's recovering, and he just loves Showtime, it would be so nice if I could tell him he's got a month of free Showtime (or Starz or whatever). I told them exactly the truth. Alan is always recovering from his foot ulcer. He has orders not to go anywhere except to the bathroom. His foot is all wrapped up. So I just asked the guy on the phone if we could have a free month of Showtime.

Guess what ALWAYS happens? These people are so nice, sometimes they have to check with a supervisor, but they always come back and say in a conspiratorial kind of voice 'I just gave you 3 months of free Showtime (or Starz or whatever). I go to the tv and there it is. I go into the living room and show Alan he now has Showtime and he goes nuts. He says "I cannot believe how you do these things"

Wel, I've been doing "these things" for over a year.

See, cable companies always run promos, you just have to ask. HBO rarely does them but the other premium channels do. You just have to have the right person at the other end of the phone and politely ask.

Costs you nothing. And you might even get lucky like I did. I always thank them and Alan is happy as a clam. I have been watching The Tudors on Showtime. I wouldn't have missed that for the world.

So give it a try, if you only have basic cable.

My friend who has Stage 3 cancer tried to call but she didn't know how to word it and they said no. I called them from my house, explained her story. She got 3 months of Showtime and they took $5.00 off of her monthly bill for one year. She's estatic. I mean, cmon. We have to help each other out here, right?

mel

Very funny

Up north they put in a Laundromat near the grocery store finally (helps us tremendously) and one August a while back, we did our wash.

It is not air conditioned, and there are many water flies (these are attracted to water)...there because of the septic field behind the place. When it is going to rain they tend to bite and draw blood (nasty things). So the doors are always open.

Anyway I was putting stuff in the dryer, and splat, a huge toad jumped out
from under the washer next to it, and landed on my foot (with open sandals)...
That was another screech and then giggle!

Here is Mr Toad from last summer, taking a bath in the cats' watering dish.
I caught him in his private Jacuzzi at 4am, and my new camera took this picture in the dark~ surprising ME....

MrsD, your toad looks a little grumpy at being disturbed!

Who me?
Unnh unnh, not me,
short?
Never!

Oh my god, another toad!!!!

ick