[Wing42]

It's impressed me the past few weeks that women cry and give each other group hugs, while men try to provide solutions and suggestions. That's not true all the time, but a lot. The attached "Cathy" cartoon illustrates this.

I'll try to be tolerant of the needs for nurturing and bonding, and hope others can try to be tolerant for my need to solve and suggest.

Double left click on the attached thumbnail to see a readable sized cartoon.

[Brian]

Very good David.

[mrsD]

David, your post is thought provoking for me. This Mars/Venus thing:
I tend to be an information type woman, not a huggy kissy one. But I DO
LISTEN well...and carefully. My Mars person here does NOT listen well, although he tries. IMO the Mars/Venus thing is about listening.

On the internet I think much more along the lines of information, and I do read almost every post. I just don't always respond. When I get the feeling that someone can improve their lot, then the info comes out.

I think we all have very different personalities and that a reminder now and then about how we should accept that rather than confront that is a bit more valid.
I don't know what prompted this post, but I for one just think it is more than a simple Mars/Venus thingy.

[cyclelops]

I am not sure you can lump all women into crybabies, who are looking to be rescued, and have no incentive to look for soultions.

I think there are as many men who expect women to provide them with soultions as there are women who expect the same.

I don't think it has a thing to do with gender.

I don't think nurturing excludes practical problem solving or suggestions, on the contrary, I think it is the basis of constructive nurturing.

I do think that there are times we can not say the 'right' thing no matter what we say, and at those times, we should say, there is nothing we can say to make it better, lest what we say seem trite.

We need to remember that usually a bad day is followed by a good one, at least somewhere down the line.

We need to remember that not every problem has a solution.

Now, as far as the cartoon goes, there WAS a practical solution, but it required some action on the 'helpers' part...he wasn't real willing to help...so he just said something nice and hugged....luckily the female WAS better off with that approach to his friendship.

I don't use the icon all that much...I think we all agree that there should be a 'kick in the butt' icon, as well. They should both be used sparingly and with loving intent.

[MelodyL]

Now, please, all the guys on this forum, don't shoot me!!!

I think it just dates back to pre-historic times when men were the hunters, found food, brought it back to the cave, and the females cooked it and served it.

The men also TOOK the women, whenever they wanted, and god forbid a woman tried to become a hunter and went out and find food for herself, she was banished from the tribe.

Historically, men are (the male brain), are hunters, gatherers, money-makers, etc. and women are the nurturers, (maternal feelings and hormones play a big part here). Women tend to reach out and help, and men (while they do reach out, they are the fixers, the solution getters, etc.).

Now fast forward to 2007. Because it has been a male dominated world since time began, women have been put in their place, made to feel that we don't have a brain, made to feel that we are not equal, we don't achieve the same pay scale as men, and as a matter of record, army men (high ranking officials I'm talking about, well the military had to change the laws because of the fact that when a man left his wife of 25 years to marry his little hootchie, the wife did not receive any pensions or his social security. The wife was left high and dry and the new wife got everything. That has since changed, thank god for that.

In essence, it's been implied that women send cyber hugs on this forum, and men offer solutions.

Well, thank god, it's 2007, because if this WERE STILL THE CASE, there would not be a Mrs. Doubtfire, a Rose, A Billye, a Liza Jane and all the other WOMEN who offer solutions, answers, logical responses.

Yeah, men still have their role in this world, but believe me, MEN WOULD BE NOWHERE WITHOUT A WOMAN BEHIND HIM.

I'd like to see a man suffer labor pains and give birth. And go to work, and come home and fix dinner, and change diapers, and clean the bathtub, and bathroom sink, instead of shouting out "hey, the bathtub is dirty, and where's my underwhere".

Actually, it's been a man's world ever since I can remember.

Thank god, things are changing and we are stepping up to the plate.

Now all we have to do is put a Mrs. Doubtfire, a Liza Jane or any of the illustrious women on this board, ......in the White House!!!

Then, you'd really see some changes!!!

P.S. I really do love the guys on this forum. They are extremely helpful and knowledgable, but the women, THEY ROCK!!!

[Silverlady]

I probably caused David's post, but whatever the cause, I'd like to say my piece.

The internet way of communicating takes all the emotion out of our "conversations". It's hard to let someone know how much you care when you are using dry words without using a lot of words and telling a story that is two pages long. I'm a very demonstrative person and using the little icons just seem to me to make the written word more meaningful.

David, I always appreciate your need to solve and suggest. This forum has always been one that is more directed to the research side of neuropathy. We all have worked hard to build a data base of as much knowledge about this disease as we can. And I respect that greatly. It does seem to me that the forum has developed a new feel. It's as Mrs. D says more "huggy kissy". While I greatly appreciate the work we all do here, it comes down to this...there is a time and a place for everything.

In the middle of my post on graditude for the laptop, hugs and kisses are just fine. In the middle of someone's post asking for an answer to a serious medical question, the same hugs and kisses are certainly not appropriate and I would never put them there. And I certainly hope I did not offend anyone with this post. It was not my intent.

Billye

[Curious]

it's like a family. you give what you can at the moment. if you have a solution or advice...you give it...if you can only offer the hug...you give that.

i do know many men feel that it is looked at is inappropriate for them to "hug" females on a forum.

and mrsd...i have to disagree ...you also come across as very caring and supportive. not just informative.

[MelodyL]

Billye:

I loved your response. Very well said!!

Mel

[HeyJoe]

ha ha

Wings said he was trying give him a break. he puts a lot of work and effort and yes even caring, into his responses.

[Wing42]

Originally Posted by cyclelops

...We need to remember that not every problem has a solution.

Now, as far as the cartoon goes, there WAS a practical solution, but it required some action on the 'helpers' part...he wasn't real willing to help...so he just said something nice and hugged....luckily the female WAS better off with that approach to his friendship.
...

The "helper" is her husband. They're both middle age and don't want children. SO, his hugging "There, there" is the help she and he needed at the moment.

I agree that not every problem has a solution. Sometimes all we can do is accept what is, and move on, even when "what is" is terrible beyond our worst expectations or belief. Elie Weisel wrote about admiring the beautiful spring flowers and smelling them with delight in Auswitz as gas chambers and ovens continued their industrial slaughter.