It's impressed me the past few weeks that women cry and give each other group hugs, while men try to provide solutions and suggestions. That's not true all the time, but a lot. The attached "Cathy" cartoon illustrates this.

I'll try to be tolerant of the needs for nurturing and bonding, and hope others can try to be tolerant for my need to solve and suggest.

Double left click on the attached thumbnail to see a readable sized cartoon.

Attached Images

There, there Cathy.jpg (113.0 KB, 180 views)

Very good David.

David, your post is thought provoking for me. This Mars/Venus thing:
I tend to be an information type woman, not a huggy kissy one. But I DO
LISTEN well...and carefully. My Mars person here does NOT listen well, although he tries. IMO the Mars/Venus thing is about listening.

On the internet I think much more along the lines of information, and I do read almost every post. I just don't always respond. When I get the feeling that someone can improve their lot, then the info comes out.

I think we all have very different personalities and that a reminder now and then about how we should accept that rather than confront that is a bit more valid.
I don't know what prompted this post, but I for one just think it is more than a simple Mars/Venus thingy.

I am not sure you can lump all women into crybabies, who are looking to be rescued, and have no incentive to look for soultions.

I think there are as many men who expect women to provide them with soultions as there are women who expect the same.

I don't think it has a thing to do with gender.

I don't think nurturing excludes practical problem solving or suggestions, on the contrary, I think it is the basis of constructive nurturing.

I do think that there are times we can not say the 'right' thing no matter what we say, and at those times, we should say, there is nothing we can say to make it better, lest what we say seem trite.

We need to remember that usually a bad day is followed by a good one, at least somewhere down the line.

We need to remember that not every problem has a solution.

Now, as far as the cartoon goes, there WAS a practical solution, but it required some action on the 'helpers' part...he wasn't real willing to help...so he just said something nice and hugged....luckily the female WAS better off with that approach to his friendship.

I don't use the icon all that much...I think we all agree that there should be a 'kick in the butt' icon, as well. They should both be used sparingly and with loving intent.

Now, please, all the guys on this forum, don't shoot me!!!

I think it just dates back to pre-historic times when men were the hunters, found food, brought it back to the cave, and the females cooked it and served it.

The men also TOOK the women, whenever they wanted, and god forbid a woman tried to become a hunter and went out and find food for herself, she was banished from the tribe.

Historically, men are (the male brain), are hunters, gatherers, money-makers, etc. and women are the nurturers, (maternal feelings and hormones play a big part here). Women tend to reach out and help, and men (while they do reach out, they are the fixers, the solution getters, etc.).

Now fast forward to 2007. Because it has been a male dominated world since time began, women have been put in their place, made to feel that we don't have a brain, made to feel that we are not equal, we don't achieve the same pay scale as men, and as a matter of record, army men (high ranking officials I'm talking about, well the military had to change the laws because of the fact that when a man left his wife of 25 years to marry his little hootchie, the wife did not receive any pensions or his social security. The wife was left high and dry and the new wife got everything. That has since changed, thank god for that.

In essence, it's been implied that women send cyber hugs on this forum, and men offer solutions.

Well, thank god, it's 2007, because if this WERE STILL THE CASE, there would not be a Mrs. Doubtfire, a Rose, A Billye, a Liza Jane and all the other WOMEN who offer solutions, answers, logical responses.

Yeah, men still have their role in this world, but believe me, MEN WOULD BE NOWHERE WITHOUT A WOMAN BEHIND HIM.

I'd like to see a man suffer labor pains and give birth. And go to work, and come home and fix dinner, and change diapers, and clean the bathtub, and bathroom sink, instead of shouting out "hey, the bathtub is dirty, and where's my underwhere".

Actually, it's been a man's world ever since I can remember.

Thank god, things are changing and we are stepping up to the plate.

Now all we have to do is put a Mrs. Doubtfire, a Liza Jane or any of the illustrious women on this board, ......in the White House!!!

Then, you'd really see some changes!!!

P.S. I really do love the guys on this forum. They are extremely helpful and knowledgable, but the women, THEY ROCK!!!

I probably caused David's post, but whatever the cause, I'd like to say my piece.

The internet way of communicating takes all the emotion out of our "conversations". It's hard to let someone know how much you care when you are using dry words without using a lot of words and telling a story that is two pages long. I'm a very demonstrative person and using the little icons just seem to me to make the written word more meaningful.

David, I always appreciate your need to solve and suggest. This forum has always been one that is more directed to the research side of neuropathy. We all have worked hard to build a data base of as much knowledge about this disease as we can. And I respect that greatly. It does seem to me that the forum has developed a new feel. It's as Mrs. D says more "huggy kissy". While I greatly appreciate the work we all do here, it comes down to this...there is a time and a place for everything.

In the middle of my post on graditude for the laptop, hugs and kisses are just fine. In the middle of someone's post asking for an answer to a serious medical question, the same hugs and kisses are certainly not appropriate and I would never put them there. And I certainly hope I did not offend anyone with this post. It was not my intent.

Billye

it's like a family. you give what you can at the moment. if you have a solution or advice...you give it...if you can only offer the hug...you give that.

i do know many men feel that it is looked at is inappropriate for them to "hug" females on a forum.

and mrsd...i have to disagree ...you also come across as very caring and supportive. not just informative.

Nope.

I got a couple of very critical PM's from a very sick person who I care about a lot. To my chagrin, in trying to help I seemed to have added to that person's distress. It was regarding the LEF "Autoimmune Diseases" protocol and my urging people to never give up and keep searching and be willing to try things that might help.

I was intending to just stop posting here, but they got over it, and so did I. The Cathy cartoon was in the paper the next day. It helped me see things more clearly.

The "helper" is her husband. They're both middle age and don't want children. SO, his hugging "There, there" is the help she and he needed at the moment.

I agree that not every problem has a solution. Sometimes all we can do is accept what is, and move on, even when "what is" is terrible beyond our worst expectations or belief. Elie Weisel wrote about admiring the beautiful spring flowers and smelling them with delight in Auswitz as gas chambers and ovens continued their industrial slaughter.

If she doesn't want children what is she whining about??

Now that is POOR communication on her part. Either you want a kid or you don't...and you should probably make sure both of you are on the same page at the beginning..I do hear the irony in the cartoon tho...sometimes we do not know what it is that we really want.

I also have to comment on the MEN in prehistoric times 'taking' women...on the contrary, we have found North American Indigenous Peoples, passed on their goods, matrilineally. (I hope I spelled that one right.) Yes, men moved in with the woman's family, as they owned the house, the dogs, the hides, and whatever else one needed back then...he became part of her clan.

I think that is really interesting, given mitochondrial DNA is of course, all matrilineal. (Oh and get this, when the woman got sick of the man, she just put whatever she felt was 'his' stuff outside the tent and he was free to go. I bet this did not happen often) They also were tolerant of 'alternative' life styles as well...Men however, have 33% more muscle strength in general than women. They have bigger brains for body size. Thing is, how much of either brain or brawn we use affects performance. Female premature babies survive more often, women tend to live longer, and we probably are used to dealing with conditions like anemia and deprivation better. I can tell you I would certainly prefer to be lost in the woods with a man, than a gaggle of women...It pays to have the advantage of differences in some areas.

Of course we have differences. For example, why are women more prone to autoimmune disorders, well, our immune systems must adapt to a foreign object and nurture it for 9 months....you better believe our immune systems work different, or there would be no Marses or Venuses to debate this.

Men tend to resolve issues in more physical domains, and females tend to talk, socialize or gossip out the problem. Neither is really better....a konk on the head or kick in the butt is sometimes less painful than a terrible social snub.

By saying women are all nuturant, it is like saying all men are insensitive. I think we are all on a continuum. Nothing is meaner than a mother protecting her young...just happen upon some type of nest, and you will likely wish you hadn't, even given the diminuitve size of the animal...

Women have been heavily utilized in roles in this present war...can they fight hand to hand and win?...Probably not, can they aim with precision and fire, yes they can! They have had a higher rate of PTSD upon return, however that may simply reflect their willingness to seek help. Most women know how hard it is to get that hubby to the doctor. In my household, getting men to a medical provider is like pulling teeth.

My son had a child die in his arms in this war....I do not think you will find a man more affected by that horrible scene than him...worse yet, he nurtured that child for almost 6 months, giving him money etc, to help his family.

I have found some of the men on the forum as nurturant and helpful as the women. I have also unfortunately encountered the opposite, but not often. I have seen some of the women as factual and informational without the hugs, as the men, however, there is likely some gossip exchanged on PMs....I don't know.

Women tend to be the emotional barometers of their families...we do, in general, have the ability to sense the unseen and unspoken. That doesn't mean we don't offer solutions, or that men are total insensitive geeks.

I think we had better ALL get along the best we can. In general, I think we do, pretty well actually. It is amazing.
If we need information, let's be clear and ask.
If we need support, lets ask.
If we need a kick in the butt, let's ask.
If we want to whine and say nothing works...fine, but we may not get a reply, unless some one feels that nurturing will help when other things haven't.
If we see irony and humor, let's share it.
If we have inspirational stories, let's share them.

Remember we can always PM someone with more personal thoughts of support, and I find that PMs work better that way....The whole world for perpetuity, does not need to know I offered some one an emoticonic hug.

It is possible to be on the net, and not identify gender, and I do not know the gender of some contributors, that is fine, unless, I am trying to assist with some type of information that might involve gender.

On the net, we don't have the advantage, or disadvantage of body language or expressions, so sometimes things get misinterpretted.

I don't think it is ever appropriate for one member to bash another by name on this forum or any other in threads...if one has a beef, tell that person....'We are having a disagreement'...not 'so and so is insensitive'...

I do think I am one, along with a few other females who were dubbed 'insensitive' not too long ago. I personally, think it was ridiculous, however, not every one thought along the same lines, and it was probably painful for some members to be slandered here and on other forums by screen name.

BTW, you, David, would certainly be the kind to debate it out face to face on here, that is called personal integrity, and you have it...so do most of us on here. I respect that, and it means I can respect your opinion on matters. I think at times, we also, agree to disagree on points and move on.

We can dwell on our differences or we can unite in our similarities.

I prefer to enjoy everyone's personalities, every ones info, and 'hear what I want to hear and disregard the rest'...la la la..(old song)

Yep, David we are all different, and gender is one thing that makes us different....thank goodness for that. One only has to read the thread where lawn care help ws discussed to see how much gender matters, and is a source of both enjoyment and frustration.

We must not forget Marie Curie was a woman, and it doesn't get much more clinical, practical AND probably sensitive.