I will never forget (about a year ago), when Alan looked up at me right after dinner and said "I'll have my coffee now".

He never said it again, believe me!!!!

He makes his own. Believe THAT!!

mel

it is okay to wait on your significant other....regardless of gender. It is all about respect and how it is phrased. Get me the d&*^n coffee or else! Or...would you mind pouring me a cup? That's not gender bias...that's just common courtesy.

Oh, I absolutely agree, courtesy is everything. Now Alan agrees with you too. He has to, he had no choice. You see, when he said "I'll have my coffee now", and with the look I gave him, ....believe me, Alan believes in courtesy now!!!


lol
P.S. What do you expect from me, I'm italian, with an italian temper

mel

Hey Mrsd...we are not married to the same man are we???

We are going on 35 years, and in the last 7 years he has had to help me 'care' for myself when I had an arm in a cast for 6 weeks, broke my arm in 4 places cross country skiing-don't ask.
Then a full leg cast...don't have a clue how my tibia broke, but it was clear the doctor did not want me to move....(that lasted only a few days) but a few bodily functions were complex and not accomplished alone.
Let's not forget when I degloved my index finger kiteskiing...(that ended my extreme sports endeavors however I still do power kite on occassion, just not on frozen lakes with open water or on windy days on skis-I have learned my limits---to an extent).
Then there was the PICC line for 4 months, and I knew I could trust him when he told me to 'shut up and let him do the sterile dressing change!' (Now I am a nurse (not in the field right now-all good things come to an end, not that I don't have a lot of that knowledge still stored in my 'smaller' female brain.) Let's not forget how small the 'I-Pod' type device is and how well it still functions. Not all things are better bigger.

He supervises the people, who supervise criminals, out on probation and parole. Can you imagine THAT job?

With the PICC line, he got the last word, as it is not a one handed endeavor, and lo and behold, he did not need my unsolicited advice!! He did a whole lot better than that nurse that went to Mel's to give Alan IVIG!! Not a single break in aseptic technique,...I was awed, and I was relieved, and learned I can actually, at times, keep my mouth shut.)

Lest I demystify myself any further....I will say, Mrsd.....on the underwear issue, my mate wears them to shreds! It appears I will have to continue to buy them. Perhaps I should stock some up, just in case I am not around, my Lord what will he do?

He now does the bills, the dishes and laundry, and has never neglected to coach a season of kids' athletics, or at least 'assist' the coach. He didn't always do all those things, he just assumed many of them, without asking. I let him. He has never grumbled.

He always mowed the lawn, until we got the tractor, and I got dibs. He even gave ME the John Deere hat! (He is relieved to be rid of the chore, as it still takes 2 and a half hours, with the riding mower. Yes, he tells me if I miss a spot, but that is OK.)

I drive a stick better, but he takes the car for oil changes. I change the flat tires on our bikes and adjust the derailleurs. When he makes a mess shifting his chain into his gears, I have to stop and help him.

I use a cell phone better, but he never fails to answer when I call 5 times in a row for some stupid reason...he sometimes disconnects me, inadvertently, I assume.

Up to recently, I have done every interior painting job. You can tell.

I check his email or he loses his address. I have run out of names for him, so I figure better to check it and read it...he doesn't care. It is boring email.

I call in the meds, he picks them up.

He lets me have 3 huge dogs that he is allergic to, and they sleep in our bed sometimes.

He has never cleaned a bathroom and has no idea how.

The toilet is a mystery to him, sort of like an artesian well, and he calls me when we have a plumbing problem. Yes, I put in the faucets and light fixtures.

I pick weeds by hand, (then can't type for a week when it counts.) He can't tell a good plant from a bad one, but HE does the rototiller, as I couldn't even start it. I had better be there to direct where he points it, or well, the plant is toast.

That said, I will pick up rocks that are way too heavy, and perservere into the night, when he says...'I'm done', and that is the point when a reasonable person would stop.

He tells me what is practical, I tell him what is ideal. He tells me what he thinks is achievable, and I push farther HOWEVER he has gone the distance, when I have given up.

He is quieter, but apparently not more passive. I am more verbal and cantakerous, but not more powerful. After 35 years of living together, there are no doubt things about him that I do not know, strength I will likely never comprehend, vulnerability I may never see. That is his character.

Somewhere in the middle between Venus and Mars, lies Earth, and humanity.

Somewhere between Venus and Mars?? I like that example.

Let's find what planet Alan is on!!

When I was 8 months pregnant and my legs were swollen like balloons, the doctor ordered me to bed and told Alan "no salt" . What does he go out and buy me? Gefilte Fish. It was the most delicious thing I ever ate.

Landed me in the hospital. I blew up like a balloon. The doctor told him "you gave her what??". So I got well, and they sent me home.

So a few days later, I didn't feel right, Alan took me to the doctor and the doctor said "you have to take her to the hospital, right now!!" What was Alan's response?" "Can we go out to lunch first?" You should have seen the doctor's face!!

Gotta love this man

Then when I had the baby, and I could not stomach the hospital food, Alan just sat there and ate my dinner.

Yesterday, he actually helped me used my new Vidalia Chopper, and he chopped all my vegetables.

Up until last year, he never went into the kitchen, (he did do laundry), never made a bed, never cooked a thing in his married life. And kept pressing the wrong button on the remote for the cable. All I would hear would be his yelling "why is the screen blue?".

Now he makes his own breakfast (and brings the dishes to the sink), makes his coffee or tea, he knows how to make a wash correctly, AND HE KILLS WATERBUGS. What else do I need???

lol Mel

Glenn's comment about his wife and checkbook is amazingly clear to me. It's not a control thing. More than likely it's because she can't balance one.

My math education was sadly neglected. And while I understand the whole concept of the check book and what it is for, I have yet to be able to balance one. My husband doesn't object to my writing checks, it's just that he is the one who balances the thing. I can't seem to do it unless I do it electronically. And yet for many, many years, I was in charge of keeping aircraft records (yes,... lots of numbers) for a large company and was audited and always was near perfect, I still can't balance a checkbook. Simple arithmetic.

For years, I did the wallpapering, interior painting, worked a full time job with lots of overtime, cleaned a 4 bedroom house, raised two boys, (was the only woman in a house with 3 males and all of this at the same time. I bought all the clothing, made all the doctor's appt, planned and cooked meals and decorated the house. In return he worked about the same hours, did the yard work until the boys got old enough to help, did repair work around the house (only after I told him it was broken beyond usage), and managed our major finances for investments. I paid all the bills until I retired when I handed it over to him and told him it was time for him to do it. Remember...I can't balance a checkbook.

I saw so much similarity in Mrs. D's, Cyclops, and GlennT's posts. So much that seems so like my husband and self.

We are a couple that is well matched. He is passive, introverted and shy. He is extremely smart, multiple college degrees and still wants to learn everything he can. I am a typical Leo, outgoing, tempermental, never met a stranger and wants to run the world! All in all, it comes down to this. Finding the right match.

Men are men and women are women. Seems so simple, doesn't it?

Billye

Billye:

You said: "Men are men and women are women. Seems so simple, doesn't it?"

Ever watch Jerry Springer? . What do you do when the man is a woman and you thought he was a man? There goes the venus and mars theory.

I once had a friend who was 20 years old (this was a lifetime ago), He went on a date with a beautiful woman. He comes in to work the next morning with a black eye. We all stood around him and said "what happened?" He said "I met the most beautiful woman last night". We all said "yeah?, and what happened?" He replied "well, She turned out to be a He and I almost decked him, but he got me first!!!!"

I will never forget that conversation and that was almost 40 years ago.

See?, Jerry Springer is not all fake. Things like that do happen.

lol.. Life is so funny sometimes.

Melody

Melody,
Didn't you see me wink after the "Seems so simple, doesn't it?" statement?

Nothing is simple. If you truly look, there are layers and layers to everything. Even something as seemingly simple as a word like hug. There are layers and layers to it. Boy..I'm weird tonight. A little philosophy thrown in.

Darn! There's another one of those little winkie, smilie things!

Billye

Yes I did miss it. I have to look at the screen more carefully. I had my eyes checked and the only problem I have is that when I read the newspaper, I sometimes have to use a magnifying glass. And the little labels on the side of bottles, forget it. I need the magnifying glass.

I got reading glasses last year. Never needed them and I now do not use them. Why?? Because I need the letters bigger, not clearer.

I should have told the eye doctor that when I got the glasses. I did see clearly when they put that gadget on your eyes and figure out which lenses you need. The doctor said "wow, you are almost 60, and you are just now getting reading glasses?"

When I got them, I went home and picked up the newspaper. Sure, I saw clearer but everything was still so small. I recently went back for sunglasses and I asked the person there? Is there a magnifying eyeglass thing because even thought stuff is clear, it is too small for me sometimes." She burst out laughing and said 'go and buy a full page magnifier".

Like I hadn't thought of that!!!!

Now really! lol

Melody

but, I did feel that your comments regarding LEF as the 'end all and be all' to all neuropathies and autoimmune issues to be far less sensitive than I believe you to be. I respect your advocay for a fairly reasonable position, but at times, honestly, I find it comes across as a bit pedantic, an advocacy to the degree of not listening to another and their particular and peculiar issues.. I mean absolutely no disrespect here, but at times you read and do not hear...the underlying issues and requests for support.

There are many new folks here who you have to be a bit more perceptive and receptive to about what their issues are and how those issues can be addressed safely. New people are here due to Celiac's, diabetes, and anti-botic reactions....more will come...not to mention the sprouting bunches of other auto-i folks such as myself.

Did you know, that one of my goals...has been to be ABLE to walk one mile without 3 days of pay-back? for the last 4 years? When you tell me you can walk/jog for miles...well, it's encouraging and hurtful at the same time. Encouraging that one can achieve it, hurtful that in four years, I cannot consider it...except in short 'bits'....bits add up tho, and that a combination of bits is what I strive for...having gone thru BC last year, the short walk for the 'cure' is even too far for me. Will you DO that walk for me when it's in your area? Thanks for listening - j
I'd give you a 'token' hug, but I gather you don't like them?