[JoannaP79]

Hi all,

I spent initial months with developing SFN and general illness due to autoimmunity living in hope this could be cured and I'd figure out how to stop it; that gave me great motivation. The SFN has continued to progress at a rapid rate to full body and I now realise I cant stop it and will be living with
this. As a result of this, along with a secondary autoimmune disease and the toll on my body physically over the last year or so, a pretty deep depression has set in. I'm 35 and feel afraid thinking about the fact I potentially have 40 more years or so of life. Id rather not feel this way and want to adapt to my new life.

As well as the continual pain problems I have lost significant confidence in my appearance as my leg and feet skin in particular (where SFN is worst) has become very thin, wrinkly, pale, blotchy and significantly aged overnight.
I shaved my legs last night and sliced through my ankle skin like butter. I have quite a big wound for a shaving cut and know its another one that will heal poorly due to the paper thin skin changes over the last year. I know this is going to get worse as well as pain problems and just cant bear to think about it.

About 18 months to 2 years ago I was young, felt good, attractive and wore nice clothes that I wanted to wear. I was outgoing, loved music and dressing nice etc and of course....had no pain. Now I look very fuddy duddy, my body has changed for the worse in appearance with weight loss, atrophy in my legs and SFN skin changes, I live in awful clothes, I wont go out much apart from play groups for my son and feel pretty isolated all round.

I know people can and do suffer worse and I spend most days reminding myself I could have no use of my body at all as some people do in life. Despite this, the shock and realisation of all the 'losses' have hit me very hard this past few weeks and Im struggling a great deal trying to cope with it. I just want to sleep or watch films all day. (I dont for my sons sake).

Have any of you been here and adapted through depression to find acceptance despite the losses and changes to your life?