I can't cope. I'm so weak. All I do is cry. I can't find any peace or rest because to stop moving means excruciating pain. The nortriptiline isn't working ( maybe a bit but nowhere near enough). I feel like I must have compressed nerves all over so I try stretches and massaging a bit but then I burn like crazy for days. I feel like I have to try and uncompress these nerves ( I have to do something that to try and heal) but it just causes pain later. Gabapentin is low dose right now. Just on it for a day so far. Dr lowered starting dose to 100:100:100 for 4 days then 100:100:300 for four days then up by 100 every few days after that. Told to stop nortriptiline because of my blurry vision ( which I had before the med but it's WAY worse now). Start weaning tonight. Just keep thinking I can't live much longer. Family days that's selfish of me to say and think. But I think everyone will be better off without me. I am traumatizing my son with all the crying. He doesn't get the attention and love he deserves because I am so sad and in so much pain. He would be so much better with another mom. Everybody could go back to living normal lives after they grieve for me. I know u guys understand and wouldn't say that I am selfish. I think my family is selfish for trying to make me stay here and endure this excruciating existence.

I'm sorry you're feeling so depressed with all this pain. Please contact your counsellor or your doctor and tell them how depressed you're feeling.

Please believe me... your son would not be better off with another mother!

It's concerning to me that you're about to taper off your Nortriptyline while you are feeling this way and that makes me wonder if your Doctor is fully aware of how bad you're feeling to suggest this to go ahead tonight. Personally I think it is really important that you verbalise to your Doctor the thoughts you've written here in your post.

Hey girl,

I am sorry you are going through so much. I understand pain and frustration and despair. I even understand being so exasperated with the pain that you just want it to be over. But I would never say that is okay or that your family is selfish for wanting you well. The loss of you would devestate them for years to come and cause an ongoing tragedy the consequences of which you cannot begin to imagine.

I don't remember if you had a therapist or not. There is no reason to struggle with this burden on your own. Crying all the time is exhausting and robbing you of precious energy needed for other things. If you do have a therapist and are getting nowhere in therapy be frank about that and consider finding someone who can help you. Alternate approaches like hypnosis or EMDR may be helpful. Sometimes talking about a thing can only get you so far.

On a physical note. I would encourage you to be careful of doing things that increase your symptoms. Nerves are meant to stretch but only so far. If there is compression and you are over stretching or increasing pressure with massage that is counterproductive. Do you have access to a pool? Relaxing your full body and gently working it can be very beneficial. Go easy on yourself and remember to Hold Fast during the storms.

Sending Healing Love, Littlepaw

I know it seems like this will never end, but you have JUST started the Gabapentin. You need to give it time to work. It is definitely a low dose, so it will take a little longer then most. But hopefully you will start to have relief once you get up to an adequate dose (like 300 mg three times day).

Just hang tough for a little longer and hold on to optimistic thoughts now that you have finally start the Gabapentin...that it will work.

I am so sad for you!! Get yourself admitted into a hospital for your depression. Tell them you are suicidal!! Once you are admitted, they will have no choice but to address your pain!! Make sure that it is the best hospital in your area. I had to cross state lines to have my issue addressed. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Just do this!! It worked for me. God Speed!!!

Canagirl,

I agree wholeheartedly with Coriny. You are not coping with the onset of all this pain, and the Depression is now dangerous to your health. You MUST get help now. Your loss would devastate your son and the rest of your family - read our Survivors of Suicide Forum, that will level your mind.

I have been on this extreme Chronic Pain Journey for 25 years, ramping up to it for 11 more. And my Depression is a lifelong Disorder which, yes, I have been Hospitalised for.

Now, at this low point, for yourself, for your son, for your family, go and get that help.

Dave.

Canagirl,
Agree with everyone.
Maybe call your GP and tell him you are feeling hopeless and suicidal and would he please help you.
Many of us have been there....truly. We get it. Please get yourself help or ask a family member or dear friend to call a local suicide hotline with you.....they will help you....You are not alone.
Taking your life seems like an option when pain and anxiety and your horrible neuropathy are out of control but THERE IS HELP. You just need to get to the right pain mgmt doc. I felt exactly the same before I got good pain control....Please dear one....reach out for help....no one is better off without you.
You are in my prayers,
Diandra

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

I can't think of anything to say that hasn't already been said in the previous posts. All good info.!!!!
Please listen and get help, go to the ER and tell them you are contemplating suicide.

Several people have responded with EXCELLENT suggestions. I am concerned as there has been NO response from you in over 24 hours.

I am hoping it is because you have sought help. Please let us know how you are tonight.

Thanks

I'm still here, thanks for ur concern. It's not only the pain I can't cope with it's the vibrating and twitching. It feel like millions of snakes or worms are constantly moving inside every part of my body hundreds of times a minute. Someone mentioned gabapentin helped their twitching I sm hoping it will r something for me. So far, nothing. 😞