I can't cope. I'm so weak. All I do is cry. I can't find any peace or rest because to stop moving means excruciating pain. The nortriptiline isn't working ( maybe a bit but nowhere near enough). I feel like I must have compressed nerves all over so I try stretches and massaging a bit but then I burn like crazy for days. I feel like I have to try and uncompress these nerves ( I have to do something that to try and heal) but it just causes pain later. Gabapentin is low dose right now. Just on it for a day so far. Dr lowered starting dose to 100:100:100 for 4 days then 100:100:300 for four days then up by 100 every few days after that. Told to stop nortriptiline because of my blurry vision ( which I had before the med but it's WAY worse now). Start weaning tonight. Just keep thinking I can't live much longer. Family days that's selfish of me to say and think. But I think everyone will be better off without me. I am traumatizing my son with all the crying. He doesn't get the attention and love he deserves because I am so sad and in so much pain. He would be so much better with another mom. Everybody could go back to living normal lives after they grieve for me. I know u guys understand and wouldn't say that I am selfish. I think my family is selfish for trying to make me stay here and endure this excruciating existence.