HI Julie and Daniella:

How are you guys doing today.

I have a theory about the weight thing. Just imagine if we lived in a small community and everybody weighed 200 lbs. If someone didn't weigh 200 lbs, everybody would look at that person, point and say, 'oh, look at her, she doesn't weigh 200 lbs". And I am only talking about women here, because I don't believe that this applies to the way men think about their bodies. I might be wrong, but I don't think so.

It starts way back in school, when we try to fit in. Imagine being the only overweight kid in a classroom. Of course you are going to get bullied, picked on, named called, made fun of.. Why?? Because you stand out like a sore thumb. I wish we all had the mentality (way back when), to take a good look at ourselves in the mirror and say "Oh, I must lose this weight, I must be healthy, I don't want to get diabetes, or heart disease".

But adolescents do not do that. Adolescents look in the mirror and go "I want to look like Paris Hilton, or Lindsay Lohan".

And god forbid this kid doesn't remotely have the body type to be a Paris Hilton, or a Lindsay Lohan. BUT.... if this kid lived in a community where everybody weighed what she weighed, well, there would be no depression, no "I don't fit in", because she would absolutely FIT IN!!!

We grow up in a society that gives us super models on the tv who weigh no more than 85 lbs and then you have all the informercials for the fat burners, the hoodia, the diet pill, etc, then you turn on another station, and lo and behold, there's a commercial (I saw this the other night and could not believe my eyes), there was a commercial by Subway (it's a fast food deli thing just in case some of you have never heard of Subway). And they have a meat eater's special. It's a gigantic sandwich piled high with meat, etc.). Well, it could feed a third world country, believe me. And there were 4 people in this commercial (all normal size) and the young girl was trying to put the front of the sandwich in her mouth. Believe me, she couldn't have put that sandwich in her mouth if she tried. The whole idea was to send a message to all the over-eaters out there that there was a new kid on the block. A new sandwich, a new way to self-medicate.

We all do not have the same body types. And when the fast food people learn to stop selling these gigantic portions of these foods, and when they again (hopefully) put physical education back in the school (I used to go to gym every day), but when I watched Shaq's big challenge, I listened and he said that only 6% of the schools in the United States have a gym program. Well, I just could not believe it. The show also said that the next generation will not outlive the parents. It's really scary how things have changed in the 40 years since I finished school.

And whether you are an under-eater (like my friend), or an over-eater, like I have been most of my life, I truly believe that it has a lot to do with how we view ourselves, and how others view us. We yo-yo diet, which is really not good for our bodies, but we want to fit in. Why do we want to fit in? because 10 of our friends weigh 120 lbs, and we are the only person who weighs 200 lbs. It's very confusing. It was for me in school, and it was for me with my own mother who was 5 feet tall and weighed 110 lbs. She was one of 10 children and as a kid she was fat. She lost all her weight at age 18 and never was fat again. And then I came along and ruined everything for her.

She took me to hypnotists, she took me to doctors, she put the food in the closet, (I will never forget coming home from school, opening up the linen closet to get a towel and finding loaves of bread hidden behind the towels). I just stood there completely confused and said out loud "Mom, why are there loaves of bread in the closet". We had company in the living room, and she shouted "what do you expect, look at you, you'll eat everything in site".
Now that could not be true, because I NEVER ATE IN FRONT OF MY MOTHER. I ate out of the house so she would not say anything to me. But she just had to throw digs at me. Once, she and I went to Nathans with a friend of her's. I was 22 years old. I ordered those famous Nathan's french fries. I had a french fry and was about to eat it and she knocked it out of my hand (right in front of everybody), and she said "you need this like you need a hole in the head".

I never forgave her. For that or other stuff. But did I stop eating?? No!! I ate even more. It's what I did to cope with what she was throwing at me all the time. Only after I moved out, got my own place, fell in love, did I manage to control my weight. But it was very hard. I did it for the wrong reason. I did it for a boyfriend, to get in a dress, I did it because I had a wedding to go to.

But finally, as I grew up, and got older, I did it for the right reasons.

Sorry to go on and on, but when something clicks in the brain, it really clicks. And mine clicked about two years ago.

And I just made another batch of muffins that are to die for.

When you opened them up, the blueberries just popped out at you. Alan just sighed and looked at me and said "you are indeed the muffin lady".

lol

Melody

I do agree a lot has to do with ones view and self esteem. I do feel people need to focus on themselves and not on others especially if its not a person close to you. People always like to give there opinion. It was such a hard part of my weight gain recovery when people would make weight comments. I think if everyone focused on what they needed to do to be healthy and happy the world would be better. Everyone is different and has different needs. I can relate Melody as my family has many ed suffers. I'm in recovery but health wise recovered. The mindset is daily. Anyhow my mom is anorexic,my gramps is compulsive eater/anorexic,his mom was anorexic. I could go on. You do learn coping mechanisms from family whether negative or positive but I'm learning I have to live my life and using food or weight in a negative way is not the way to find the life I want. I'm sorry for all you have been through. I can remember when I was in the cardiac unit and 40 pounds under my gramps gf said don't gain too much weight. Comments are hard. Have you told your mom how that makes you feel? I hope you can see what I see in you or well hear. Your such a warm,funny,caring person. I would feel so happy for you to be my friend. Hang in there and those muffins sound yummy. I don't know if I told you I got a muffin top pan to make the tops like muffies.

Daniella:

Well said!!!!! I too am so sorry for what people have said to you. It's hard hearing these things.

My mom passed away 12 years ago. She and my dad were both put in a nursing home rehabilition kind of place. My mom, for her emphasema (she had 28 packs of cigs in her purse when I went to visit and she was telling me to go and buy her some). When I opened her purse to show her the 28 packs of cigs, she looked at me and said "OH". I immediately went to the resident psychiatrist on call and inquired "why does my mother keep asking me to go and buy her cigarettes when she has 28 packs (I counted them) in her purse"? He just nodded sadly and said "it really doesn't matter anymore, the nicotine has gone to her brain, it's too late". I had no idea about the nicotine going to her brain. I knew she was there for emphasema because she had been smoking all her life. She was 79 at the time at looked way past 90. Actually, she was pretty nice to me during her last days because I had lost weight when I came to visit her and although I was a large person, I didn't stick out like a sore thumb.

And because all the residents of Ritchie Manor Nursing Home were in wheel chairs and some of them were grandma dumped (that means dumped at the curb and the families just drove off....yes I know, never heard of that either back then), I took it upon myself to take my makeup, and give all the ladies there make-overs. You should have seen these 85 year olds in the wheelchairs with a little eye shadow and rouge and lipstick. They were like new women. I had gone down there with my Sudden Beauty lifting serum. I left it there. They seemed to enjoy the 5 days I was there. I would stay at the motel at night (I was not invited to stay at a nearby aunt's because they never accepted my weight. So I was kind of a left-wheel back then. Didn't matter. I just took a cab every morning to the nursing home to visit my mom and my dad. They put them in one room, and that was not the norm in those days. But they didn't want to break up a family. My father had congestive heart failure and he was on hospice.

Well, I will never forget what happened. My father could not stand my mother's mouth any more (Just to give you an example, when I was sixteen, I bought my mother a house dress for mother's day. She opened the box, took out the dress, looked at the stitching on the waistline and started screaming at me "don't you look at the work they do, this is shabby". I then proceeded to pick up my 5 foot tall mother and put her on top of the refrigerator. And yes, I really did that. She was so amazed that I actually had the audacity to do such a thing, that she couldn't talk for 5 minutes. (a record for her). My father walked in the door, she started screaming and the first words out of my father's mouth was to my mother. He said: "what did you say to her this time"???

So now we are back at the nursing home many years later. I was 48 years old and my mom and dad are in the same room. He is on hospice and was given 9 months to live. He told them "I can't take her anymore, put her someplace else". They put my mother in someplace called "The Sunshine Nursing Home". I was home with sciatica at that time and could not fly down again. Well, they lost my mother. I would call them up every day (my phone bill was $300 a month back then. When the guy from the Sunshine nursing home told me "we can't find your mother", I just phoned every nursing home in Port Richey and finally found my mother. It seemed she ****** off someone in the van and they dumped her some place else. Well, all hell broke loose and they had to return her to my father's room.

And this is exactly what happened. She died in January of 1995. He went off hospice because he actually got better. They made him the mailman of the nursing home and he would run around in his little scooter thing and give out everybody's mail. He was a darling man who had 11 more months of peace. He actually lived 18 months more than he was supposed to live. He died in December 23 of 1995. 1995 was some year for me. Lost both parents, I got Bells Palsy, and my 14 year old went through a glass window and got 75 stitches over his eye. Boy, what a year.

But my father had a good death. The kind of death we should all have. He ate some peach pie, I spoke to him on the phone, I said I love you dad, he went on his scooter into his room at the nursing home. He got off, sat in a chair and died. Then the nurse called me and said (after breaking the news), she said "melody, we had a bit of excitement, because when a person dies, we have to call the paramedics to officate and pronounce the person as deceased". Well, when the paramedic took my father's pulse, it seems he still had one. But no heartbeat. Everybody was freaking out, until some bright person said "oh, this guy has a pacemaker". That was why he had the pulse.

So Daniella, I know full well how cutting some words can be and how people can influence other people. I have learned how to respond to inappropriate remarks. I stood in front of my mirror and practiced what I would say if someone said something stupid, for example "don't you know that you are fat, or don't you know that you are skinny (yeah, I get that too, since I lost weight, now how stupid is that remark?) or even better, when some mean neighbor, who knows full well, that my son has not been home in 5 years and that I do not speak of him to anyone, well, when that neighbor is being a gossip and comes over to me and said "you know, I dreamt of your son last night, why hasn't he come home".? Now really, am I supposed to really believe that she dreamt of my son?

So when anyone says an inappropriate remark (for any reason), I look at them square in the face and I say: "Now why on earth would you say something like that?". Stops them dead in their tracks. And watch the expression on their face. See people (some people) like to say stuff just to be mean. They never expect you to call them on it.

be well hon!!

Melody

P.S. The visiting nurse just came for Alan's IVIG and we have begun to speak french. I love it!!!!!

Au revoir

You are a sweetie, daniella, thank you.

You are right.

(((((((((daneilla)))))))))))

(now I have to go work on my boring yet stressful court stuff)
.

Melanie, you kill me. There is a woman at my church who is a total skag to me when we are in private, but when we are at church in front of others she is always saying sickenly sweet things to me. Next time she does, I'll say, "Now why would you say something like that?" Now, for something really important: Write a cookbook for us! For all of us who need to quit eating white food and need to get more veggies in our diet. I am pretty good at not eating white food. But my cooking is so boring. Of course, it has to be quick and easy for me because my feet hurt while I am standing in the kitchen. Maybe it is my attitude. Ha.

Dakota:

Go and buy the Buffalo chicken sausage. It's fully cooked already. Cut up some asparagus, some zucchini, add some chopped tomatoes, and some
Baby Bella mushrooms.

Spray pan with PAM. Add some fresh garlic. Add a little bit of EVOO, (as Rachel Ray says), Extra Virgin Olive Oil.

Then put everything (Buffalo chicken sausage, which you cut up in chunks, and the veggies). Start stir-frying, adding a bit of low-sodium terriyaki sauce and a dash of something called LIQUID SMOKE. They sell this at any supermarket.

When it's all piping hot, put it on a dish and go crazy.

The combination of the terriyaki and the liquid smoke (just a little bit, mind you), it tastes like you just made all this on the grill.

You can do this combination with anything (since I don't use beef), I'll do this with strips of chicken. If you buy Purdue Short cuts, it's all cooked. I can't tell you how fast you can make this.

It's really something.

There, you have your first recipe.

Melody

Mel,
I love reading your posts. They help keep me smiling.

I can totally relate to the weight issues. I have always been the girl with weight problems. A year ago I was diagnoised with Diabetes and started taking nutrition ands diabetic classes. I have managed to loose 45 lbs in the past year. I refuse to diet. I just want to eat and be healthy. It is too bad I didn't know the things way back when that I know now. Or that my parents didn't know either. I came from a big family. Seven brothers and sisters. My parents were just worried about feeding us whatever they could afford and would fill us up. It wasn't necessarly nutritious. And of course we always had to eat what was on our plates.

Knowing what I know now, I worry about my grandkids and trying to get their parents to understand how important what we eat is. I see so many parents rewarding their kids with candy or sweets.

I am probably just rambeling. I had a really bad headach today and even though the pain is gone, my head is still fuzzy.

Hi Julie:

Wow, aren't you lucky?? I always wanted brothers and sisters. I was an only child. My mother would always love to tell me "why on earth would I have more kids, when I had you, you never slept!!!" What she failed to mention was that she drank. Never knew that. I always thought it was normal to come home after school to find your mother sitting at the kitchen table drinking a glass of scotch. I am absolutely amazed at how naive I was. My father knew but no one said anything. That's why her personality was the way it was.

And that's why I ate. As we grow older, some of us get the lightbulb moment, some do not Anyway, I can only imagine having all those siblings. My mother had 5 brothers and 5 sisters. Holiday were crazy at my house and at everybody else’s house. I was always the odd duck because of my weight. When you are the biggest in the family and your mom is 5 feet tall and you’re grandma (the one who gave birth to 10 kids, who weighed between 9 and 15 lbs at birth), is all of 4 feet eleven inches tall, and then here I come, all 5 feet 7 and, well, let’s not talk about what I weighed, well none of my cousins ever had anything to do with me. I was the one who stuttered and who everybody made fun of. It’s quite odd, how at 60, you remember stuff.

It’s also quite odd that, at one family reunion, last year, at one of my cousins house, when Alan and I showed up and I had lost about 100 lbs since anyone last saw me and Alan lost about 75 lbs, and everybody is saying to each other “who is that??” and some one poked the other one and said “That’s Melody” and my cousin said out loud “THAT’S MELODY, OH MY GOD!!!! See, one might see that as a compliment. I do not. Not one person said “oh , you look great!!! Want to know why?? Because they all gained weight. So here we all are at this barbecue with all the food and they all weigh 200 lbs and let’s just say that I no longer weigh that and what got me, was the expression on the face of the guy who said “That’s Melody”!!!

See, I finally realized how they all saw me, as I was growing up. I was the fat kid.

No one really understands how others view you when you don’t look like the rest of the family. Well, I got it that day.

I also GOT IT, years ago when I visited my family in Florida. It was like visiting the Land of the Lilliputians, like in Gulliver’s Travels. Here I was, all big and tall, and people are ringing the door bell, all 5 feet 2 and 110 lbs. One my my aunts said to another aunt, as she was coming in the house and looking right at me “Oh my god, how big is she??”Like I couldn’t hear them at all. Yeah, right!!

I remember all this so vividly, it actually makes me grimace.

And I just came back from the supermarket. I got my Buffalo Chicken Sausage and my Perdue Short cuts. And Bumble Bee Solid White tuna is on sale for $.74 cents a can.

Can’t beat that!!!

P.S. Hope your headache is all better.

lol that is soooooooooooo funny about them gaining weight.

What a hoot!!!!!!

That made my afternoon, now I can go back to work on less fun things.

Boy, have I got a good tip for you.

Today, I was in Shopright with my friend. She had told me about Peter Luger Steak Sauce. Now I don't eat any beef but we do eat turkey burgers, and I usually put my worcestershire sauce and some Liquid Smoke on them. Absolutely delicious. Then I remembered watching Oprah one day and they had a special about who makes the best burgers and Peter Luger's Steakhouse came up.

So there I was in ShopRight Supermarket and I say "Where's the Peter Luger Steak Sauce? (It has to be in the refrigerated section and when you get it home it is kept in the refrigerator). Now I have never tasted Steak Sauce on anything. I keep it simple. But I said 'wow, 25 calories, no big deal),

So I made Alan and I turkey burgers. And I put just a bit on mine. A little bit on his.

Well, let me tell you. This is the best thing since sliced bread.

I can ony imagine what it will do to my chicken breast.

I now have a new thing besides my Buffalo Chicken sausage.

It has a taste all it's own. You must try this.

Just a bit but my goodness, it really souped up the turkey burgers. They tasted exactly like a beef burger.

Oh, I made french fries. But they were legal.

I took my Vidalia chopper. I took a regular Idaho Potato and put it through the chopper. Then I sprayed PAM in the frying pam, and cooked it for 30 minutes. Came out just like french fries.

And one potato fed the two of us. Imagine, I ate a half of a potato and I was satisfied. It's amazing what the mind does to you. You think you are eating a plate of fries but actually I ate one half of a potato. No oil.

I'm getting real good at this.

So try it and enjoy.

Melody