I think I have hit the end of the road with my career. Just a year ago the credit union I work for as the collector had the smallest delinquency rate in the state. Of course my kid CEO took all the credit, in my yearly review I was called too agressive with my right to cure letters and picking up repos. I was mad about that...but I backed off. Then what happens, our economy crashes and is burning as we speak. By the time I was told I was slacking and not performing my job as was expected I was buried in delinquencies, I was called on the carpet and dressed down and told my hours would only be necessary for 15 hours a week. That was a month ago, most of my job is outsourced now but I managed to keep myself at 32 hours a week. I got very emotional and cried alot of tears, I have always excelled in the workplace.
This morning I was late coming into work, my daughter called hysterical that she thought my grandson had relapsed with his leukemia, I went to the clinic to be with them and I am thanking God tonight that my grandson only has chicken pox. I get to work and my supervisor has been pacing because I didn't show up for the 8:00 meeting I didn't know we were having. It was my yearly review, I was told I was careless, disorganized, shied away from interactions with my co-workers, didn't show up in the evening for employee gatherings, but I am a vauled employee and I have built strong relationships with the members......I sat and cried, they value me? I told him I didn't think so, and then he drops the bomb that new guy has been promoted to VP of Collections. I called my neuro on my lunch hour, still waiting for the return call, but I think its time to cut to the chase and go out on disability. THE STRESS IS AWFUL-in the last month I've started to have my little toe ache but when I touch it no pain, the pads of my feet ache all the time. I fell and did splits going into a store two weeks ago and my back is agony, rolling out of bed in the morning is a real feat. I wake up two hours before I shower so I can get my cocktail of drugs down so I can stand in the shower and drag myself of to work, in fact I don't think I could work without them. I'm not a candidate for a new hire anywhere else and frankly I hate going to my job, I keep feeling the axe is going to fall. I can't afford to quit, unless my neuro takes me out of service, then I have disability insurance and then head off to fight for SSI. This is not where I saw myself at 52, I am sad, hurt, angry, and I can't get anyone to understand chronic pain. I told my boss that once I finish dinner and sit down the burn begins and there is no way I can go bowling, watch Monday night football, etc.......I am wiped out and yet my raise was dinged b/c I don't go. I will miss a couple of people, but frankly I am working in the worst chemistry I've ever come across and it's toxic as all get out.
Okay, I have vented, now I just need you all to tell me I am doing the right thing by walking away from the work force and focusing on family and health. Just give me your input, I could use a friend or two...right now. Thanks all my partners in pain!!!!

Oops, typo above. I meant to say I don't think any of them understand chronic pain.....

You are doing the right thing.
I would never stand for some snot nosed punk to tell me that I'd been passed over cause I didn't go to bowling, or to after work gatherings.
Your health (mental and physical) is most important.
You'll never get into a peaceful state of mind with all that stress.

Stress is a #1 factor in exacerbating PN.
Try to get your neuro to sign off on disability,
and fight with SSI and SSDI.
Get out of that work environment !!

You are still young and there are many opportunities for someone with drive, to work at home, or even start your own marketing business on the internet.
You said:
"......the credit union I work for as the collector ....."
Don't you know that in this bad economy, that your profession is recession proof!
Your skills are needed, if you are good at it.
You can find work elsewhere, if need be.
A place that knows up-front that you are theirs 8 hrs a day and the rest of the time ..... you aren't !

PN does not have to be an end-all, unless you become totally incapacitated by it.
The meds keep me going too.
Without themI'd be a cripple.
But with them, I'm 64, self employed (30 yrs), and have a retail shop and do in-home, road-service work.

Don't take any crap from a young punk that's so hyped up about 'company' and 'interaction' on your own time.
There's a time for work and a time for personal requirements.
They should never cross the line.
Any employer who requires that, is full of crap.
Get out of there. It isn't worth it.

Jannaw

I also have had to make a decision regarding work. I am currently on a short term disability from work. I am a Assistant Manager of a wireless company.
I was diagnosed in 2007 with neuropathy but kept on working. Well it has progressed to the point a EMG test showed no response on both feet, legs and progressing to my right arm.

I am a mother of 5 children the youngest 2. I have also ignored the fact that I am a type 2 diabetic also in stage 3 of kidney disease. My husband and I made the decision to stop work and apply for SSDI. All my doctors are on board and hopefully after I apply I will be approve.

In the beginning I was only going to take a short leave to get my act together so to speak regarding my diabetes, but the emg told the true story along with other labs so we made the decision to stop working.

The type of work I did I believe contributed heavily on my conditions worsening. ie., on my feet all day, long hours, lack of employee coverage, no lunches, frequent road trips out of town and stress stress and stress.

Sooner or later it would have caught up with my performance at work since the medication I am on makes me very drowsy and forgetful. Also limping and falling around the showroom floor I am sure would not be very appealing for the customers to see.

I miss working but feel I made the right decision regarding my health.
In the past my priorities were always work, family then health. Now it is my health and family. No job is worth it.

My brain fog comes from having FMS and MCS too. Those are central sensitivity conditions. But I do wonder about all the Lyrica I'm taking and the Baclofen. I can usually cover up my forgetfulness at work, but today it was pretty bad. Don't have the courage to ask my co-workers if they notice anything. It's a competitive environment and don't want to give anyone fuel for criticism.

Janaw, I sympathize with your situation. I'm currently supported partially by disability and work 2 days a week. My husband used to do insurance work and he has warned me over and over that once I'm on disability, they will hound me to death. I'm also 52 and am scared to death of finding myself cut off from disability and looking for work--especially in these economic times. The stress of the workplace is a killer, but I do think you should talk to a counselor or a good friend just to sort out your thoughts, and be very very clear about what you can accomplish by staying or by leaving your work. I'm currently doing that myself and it is helping me. If your doctor listens, have the same conversation with them because, ultimately, you will need their medical support for disability. They may not be too supportive if you complain about office politics--keep it medical. Best of luck to you.

Thanks for all the replies and support. I do have long term disability and I know they will hound me but I am hoping to hang in there with that until I can go through the SSI hoops.

Yesterday morning was kind of a deciding factor about leaving work. My supervisor receives all my incoming and outgoing emails, I had received one from the company that they outsourced part of my job too, in there she referenced some annoyance that she had made a call to a member that had already made arrangements with a loan officer and there weren't any memos in the account or she wouldn't have called. I answered her email with a bit of a joke that this loan officer never memo'd accounts and kept her info in her head, and said we just couldn't teach this old dog new tricks. This email was also CC'd to this loan officer who I adore and we have always joked with her about this. Not two minutes later this super was in my office and in my face that I was unprofessional and at the very least guilty of insubordination, that what I had said was very damaging to the integrity of the company....blah, blah, blah. I was shocked by his response, he is new to the company, we took over his failing credit union a year ago and he came on board as CFO, which he doesn't know how to do so mainly he is always bugging me, not assisting mind you and I have come to feel that he really doesn't like me. I burst into tears, I thought okay he is gunning for me and I really can't stop this behavior. I couldn't stop crying, I was almost in full hysteria, so I quietly cleaned up my work area and sent him a message that I had taken ill and would be leaving for the day. I was still in tears when I came in the door and my husband read the email and said what is this guys problem Connie isn't going to take offense. He wanted to go have a talk with this guy and as much as I wanted him to I said no.

I did get a phone call from my neuro later that day and he said he would fully support my disability claim. I see my rheumy on Tuesday and I'm certain he will provide documentation. I just saw my pain doctor and she is concerned about my lower back flare up and I'm probably going to have a new MRI in January. Finally, my regular Dr. will definitely back me up on my different conditions. I was barely getting by physically and now the emotional being thrown in, I just can't do it anymore. Since I can't sit for more than an hour and can't stand for more than five minutes I don't see myself as a good candidate for rehire somewhere else. It occurred to me that I wouldn't have to take my "pain cocktails" four times a day if I weren't working, and emotionally I'm a wreck. I have been reduced to tears four times at work in the last two months, not sure that is the best thing for my PN which has been progressing in the last month.

This is going to be very hard on me, I don't generally see myself as handicapped, and I loved my job, still love the rapport I have with my delinquent people. I feel some guilt about abandoning them, not sure that they will be treated kindly and given options like I have done for them. I guess I have to go to my CEO and request disability papers, that will be hard, at one time he and I were good buddies but as we grow I see less of him. Financially I am freaking about income for the time it takes for disability to be approved. I do have a work at home job taking inbound calls for PBS and ST Jude, but that is very part time and again I can't sit for more than an hour maybe two at a time.

I have a very good friend that I have been talking to about this and she says Janna you have to put your health first, she has and although they struggle financially she has no regrets. Since she worked with me she knows that atmosphere I am talking about. I don't have to worry about talking to my neuro about office politics, he and I had discussed it months ago and he said the same thing was going on in their office, and why can't a group of people get along? My next visit was an all new staff and I picked up on a better atmosphere, so I guess that's one way of curing a toxic work environment.

I'll keep you all posted on how this plays out, I'm scared, I have always worked outside the home since I was fifteen so this will be strange new territory for me. I am grateful to you all and grateful I found my way here almost five years ago!