Hi. This is off topic, but honestly, I don't know anyone else to ask and you guys know A GREAT DEAL!!! so maybe someone can give me a good answer.

This is what has been happening to me. Because I'm diabetic, a few years ago, I decided to get healthy and went to Cornell, and blah,blah,blah, changed everything about myself. AND I MEAN EVERYTHING!!!

I now look completely different than I ever did. I moved to my neighborhood 14 years ago weighing about 275. My landlord once told me that everybody on the block walked over to her and asked "whose the fat couple moving in?" Alan (who had just started have PN, weighed about the same). We were big people. She actually told me this and said "People didn't know why I rented to so fat a couple". (nice huh??).

So I got to know the neighbors and ultimately they got to know us and we became friendly, sitting on porches in the evening, just chatting.

Well, Alan and I DON'T LOOK LIKE THIS ANYMORE!!! I wish I had old fat pictures to show you but I don't have a scanner and I can't do that. But you see what we look like now.

Do you have any idea what it is like to be standing in front of your house when your neighbor runs across the street and says to you. "my god, Alan looks so fragile, what's wrong with him"?. I just look at them completely speechless and sometimes I say "his doctor is pleased that he lost the weight". Well, if you think that stops them in their tracks, forget it" And they all know he has neuropathy. We've discussed this with our neighbors because some are diabetic and they have neuropathy.

And some of these people are fat, skinny, married, not married, from all walks of life, so there is no common denominator. This happens all the time.

Now, let's get to the point where this applies to me. You will absolutely not believe what someone said to me. !!!!!! And more than once.

One of my friends told me "you better stop losing weight, your face is looking haggard". Now really, look at my avatar. I look haggard???? I don't think so.

But the real problem is I don't know how to respond to these people. I would never go up to a formerly obese person and say "oh my god, you look awful, you look haggard, stop losing weight". I always say "oh my god, how terrific you look and their face just brightens up!!!!

Now here's what happened to me recently. I was leaving my house at 9 a.m. to go out to breakfast with Alan. Now it was not 6 a.m. or 7 a.m. it was 9 A.M.!! I had bought some skinny clothes years ago (when I weighed 275), thinking to myself (and we've all done this), "oh some day I'll fit into this".
Well, that day has come and I have a new hairdo to go along with it.
So I got dressed nice and did my hair and makeup and I walk out of my house and I was hit with "where on earth are you going with makeup on", who are you trying to impress?" Now I had a jogging suit on that I bought over 10 years ago but never wore before. And I had eye makeup and lipstick and my hair was done. I looked like my avatar.

I just looked at this person and said "I beg your pardon". because I have no idea how to reply to back-handed compliments. Oh, the person who said this is a neighbor who never wears anything but a house-dress. Do you think I said to her "why are you always wearing a house-dress? Of course not.

so I just stood there and looked at her and said "oh I have to go".

Honestly, I have no idea how to respond to these people. And yes, there's another thing too. I have friends who are obese. I do not talk about dieting with them. It's none of my business. I know this. They are happy for me and Alan. But what do I do when I'm standing with them and a neighbor comes running across the street going "oh my god, how great you look, turns to my friend and says "how come you don't lose weight like Melody"? I have friends who live around the corner and we know each other. Her face turned bright red and I just said "now that is not nice".

Honestly, the stuff that comes out of some people's mouth, well I dont' know why they think they have the right to express their opinions even when it might be deemed hurtful to someone else.

If any of you can read my post and give me proper respones for any future situations, I promise to do exactly as you say and update you.

Never in all my life did I think I would walk out of my front door and have to apologize for putting on a jogging suit and makeup!!! jeez

comments are most sincerely appreciated.

Respectfully
Haggard looking Melody (lol)

sensitive! Meaning they: a-insult you 'cause they're jealous; b- are overly nosey; c-are afraid your change may be due to some deadly illness; or, d- just blurt out insensitive stuff that way to everyone.

My comeback to such comments is: Yep I clean up really well. It's a country term for folks you don't recognize outside of their grubbies.

In your case, I'd just respond and ask them if they'd forgotten to put on their own makeup today, or forgot to brush their teeth...bet the latter would get their brains in some type of gear.

Good luck with that! - j

Did you forget to put on some makeup today!!! I'll try that one!!!!!

I was once sitting on the stoop in a pair of shorts (this was way back when I had blond frosted hair). All of a sudden, the guy across the street (he's 75 years old), runs across the street, runs up to me and says to me "melody, you look terrific, whatever you do, don't gain any of the weight back". I just looked at him. He never said more than two words to me his entire life.

This conversation was about 6 years ago, (three months after my gallbladder surgery and I had gotten really thin because I couldn't eat).

So little by little I must have gained some weight. So he stops me in the street on another ocassion (I swear to god, this is exactly what happened). He grabs my arm, swings me around and says "Melody, I must tell you, you are gaining weight again, you must stop".

I should have hit him upside his head but I just remained calm and kept my cool (my daddy taught me well). I said "thank you for sharing" and walked away.

sometimes, boy oh boy, sometimes..............

lol

Could some of it be NEW YORK?

But they are everywhere. When my son was 8mos old he was fitted with
glasses (since he was essentially blind without). The new vision opened his world tremendously, and he became interested in his surroundings. But I can't tell you how many
people came up to me and insulted me... "who do you think you are putting glasses on a baby?" One gal shook her finger at me and said " I know for a fact you cannot fit glasses to an infant!"..So I gave her Dr. MacDonald's name and number..pediatric head opthomologist at our hospital..and told her to tell HIM that. LOL The worst one was from a woman in a wheelchair that we shared an elevator with said to me point blank... "What is that baby doing wearing glasses? " I countered with "What are you doing in that wheelchair?" (sometimes I get rather PO'd.).

But I think the best comment in return to rude comments is:
"Excuse me, what did you say?" And if they have the stupidity to repeat it, you say..."Oh, that is what I thought you said." and move on out of their range.

I'm going to print out all the comebacks and memorize them.

Want to hear a good comeback that my friend made me memorize when I was 20 years old. Way back in the good old days, you didn't go "all the way", until you got married. At least not if you were a "good girl", right? Can't believe we bought into all that but that's the way it was "way back then".

So my girlfriend Jo-Ann had a nice little ditty she would tell the boys when they got fresh with her and told her "well, I bought you dinner, so......

she would look them dead in the eye and say "SEX IS A VERY MARKETABLE COMMODITY!!! BUT I'M NOT ON THE MARKET".

Do you know how long it took me to commit that to memory. A LONG TIME.
I will never forget that phrase.

LOL

but Melody, I found a website where you can resize pictures for free..and
do other neat things too. (but I had difficulty with the crop feature..haven't mastered that yet.)

www.myImager.com

I took this large photo:
#1 and reduced it to 100 pixel size for profile use
to #2

Most of the commands are similar to other programs.

I used this shot of a baby hummingbird I took this summer sitting on our
clothesline. The babies get tired flying around and rest more than adults.
Out of the picture frame is a red clothespin...which attracted him.

I went to that website and put it in my favorite places. Oh by the way, I leanred how to crop in paint.net.

Took a tutorial.

Not bad. Oh, something fascinating. I don't go to second life that much because well, I find it boring, but my son gave me 1000 linden dollars to buy myself a new outfit, some hair and jewelry.

You should have seen me having a ball today in the fashionable boutiques in second life. I purchased a gown, and some diamonds. Then I went looking for hair. I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to buy the hair.

I emailed my son and demanded that "HE BUY HIS MOTHER SOME HAIR".
After he stopped laughing, he agreed to meet me in the boutique in second life and buy me some hair.

Oh the things we learn at 59.

mel

you are an absolute HOOT...

Next time I visit the KID, I'll ask him to take me there. I think I will need an
escort the "first time"... LOL Maybe he will give me some Linden $$ for my birthday, too?

Hi Melody,

I have to say, from your avatar, you are a beautiful woman!! I think these people are definitely jealous! It's their insecurities coming out.

I am like you, I can't think of a come-back at the time, but later on, after thinking about it, I can think of several things that I wish I would have said to them.

It's a shame when others can't be "just" happy for us for improving ourselves and for just being us, whether we are fat, skinny, tall, or short!!

Good Luck to You!!

Take care,
Linda

Every time I imagine that person telling me I look haggard, I remember telling Alan that and he burst out laughing and said "whatever you look like, it's not haggard, believe me.

Oh, he came home from the gym looking all morose and I said "iI've fixed you a nice grilled chicken for lunch". He said "oh no, I gained three pounds, I'm up to 191". "I'll take just the salad".

I picked up his arm, showed him his muscles and said "your three pounds went here", "you have to feed this". He brightened up and then ate like a horse.

Sigh, the things we wives have to say.

By the way, I like the comeback "I beg your pardon". That's my favorite, it should stop them dead in their tracks. THAT!!! or I'll simply punch them upside their heads!!!!

lol