Majo's thread
 

Friends,

I was inspired by Mari's thread so I decided to open my own thread....

I know I havent post recently, but today Im having a very bad day.... the last 3 days have been really difficult for me.... I have been betrayed and abandoned my some "friends" that wrote me horrible things in facebook and etc...

I know I should not care, but I dont know, they made me feel really miserable.... Im bad. I mean, really bad.

Im out of my mind.

I came here because this is the only place on eath I can feel safe.

:hug:

I replied in SOS...

just wanted to say to you and don't mind me if I'm blunt.

People who write horrible things about you or anyone in a place called facebook or anywhere else like that are not worth the time or emotional distress that they cause. They're bullies! Don't let them get to you. Keep calm about it but PLEASE don't keep going back there reading it over and over because you're so upset and shocked by them.

:hug:

Thank you Lara, I feel so shocked, indeed, you are so right.....

I know it is not worth it.... It just breaks me down the fact that I suddenly feel too much hate for doing nothing........

My God

Majo,

Lots of hugs. :hug: :hug: :hug:

Things really do get better.

Mari

Hi Majo

I am sending you big hugs. :hug::hug::hug:

I am sorry for what has happened, especially as you felt these people were friends. I understand feeling upset, or even overly upset about something - even if in your mind you know it is not worth it.

You know it's ok to allow yourself to feel hurt. I'd say maybe try doing it in small stints. Fighting it can sometimes make one feel worse. So you let it in for a while, and then take a break, let it in a while, another break... etc.

For breaks, try to use distractions. Do anything you can think of that is pleasant to you, and nurturing... A walk in a nice place outside, or a bubblebath? An entertaining book, even dumb tv, lol. Do please keep yourself away from those posts - or even facebooke entirely, at all cost for a while, so you don't reread those things.

I am glad to see you even if I am sad for what is going on with you right now. I really hope you feel better soon. :hug::hug::hug:

love

waves

Thank you my sisters....

I know I can count on you.... Like I said, only here I feel safe and loved.

Actually, I will tell you what I dreamed last night: I arrived to "Heaven", you know, the classic one, full of clouds and a golden gate... The person in the door was Donna and told me she was glad I was finally arriving.... Then, I saw all of you... I started crying because I was feeling so scared of people on Earth and Mari hold my hand and told me that you were always going to be there for me and to come in for the good :) I woke up feeling very peaceful and happy :) I think we will walways be together :hug:

Thank you for your words.... I really need this to be over ASAP.

wow Majo,

what a sweet dream. I am glad you found peace in your dreams at least.

and yes we will always be here for you. :):heartthrob:

waves

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

Same my beautiful, I will always be here for all of you ! :hug:

Mayo

Please ignore those that are not nice in facebook.

You can always talk to me if you want. I'm around.

Donna:grouphug::hug:

I am so sorry they are bullies.
we love you and so glad that you had a safe dream.
dreams can be good.
sorry that you are hurting.
know that we care about you.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

It was so amazing to see you in my dreams.

Thank you for the support and the love my friends, I love and will always do.

ok blue we can do this. I will start cleaning my bathroom floor if you start on a corner of your room.
Deal?
bizi

Deal !!!! I cleaned that corner.... still lotttttttts to do here....

I am impressed.


:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

Mari

Blue
You would tell me anyone that can be faceless, gutless mean on a social site is not a friend. Friends unconditionally love, support and hug. Not slander.
I think as we get older the social people we call friends and those that are acquaintances differs. They are. Fewer and more cherished.

I have many acquaintances, those that are friends are polite kind and supportive. But, my few close friends, I count on less then one hand care about me to my soul. They would never be hatefull even if we differ in thoughts or opinions, we respect our indivuality.

Most of all friends never call us names or say mean spirited things, especially to immortalized it into print or publish for others to read.

It reminds me of the old slam books back in the day, how true lily uly and hateful they were/are!
Sharing hugsand love,
Di :hug:
Sorry for typos or messed wording middle of the night on my ipad.

i am so sorry about facebook....your dream was so beautiful. I am happy for you. congratulations about the cleaning. you are such a dear person.
love
bobby

You are right Di... I met him in person once and he was so cold and distant, once again, nit like a real friend...

Part of my sadness is precisly that, I thought, i imagined I guess he was a good friend, I mean, not the best in the world but....

My mind is playing games with me... Like my brain is saying: what if he is really nice and Im indeed exaggerating ? But the truth is I didnt like him giving me his back and then saying: Im busy. If for him everything I do is drama, well, i think we cant be friends... He said me the last, that he would call me today... Of course he hasnt and wont... He has said that before and never did.

Is it very silly that I feel a looser ? Like, the girl saying lies to him about me won... And, sometimes I wish he would believe me but, in the other hand, I actually did send him evidence and then I was over reacting according to him.... :(

Bobby, thank for your words and support, you know how much I love and appreciate you :hug:

some thoughts, based on my experiences
 

Dear Majo

I think some of us are more trusting than others. And also when we want to believe something we have a hard time letting it go - at least that is what I am like. I have in the past made mistakes more than once, giving people chances or even just accepting them as friends and ignoring clear signs that they were... ehh... "full of it."

Thank goodness I know there is something fishy about those situations, because - and I know how fortunate I am in this - I do have REAL friends that DO NOT behave like those people did. Even when there is discord or disappointment with a true friend... the interactions are different.

Something my therapist told me once, while discussing one specific (very bad) case in my past:

[paraphrased:] If you feel bad about yourself, this negativity can lead you to believe that you are at fault of a situation, even if you are not. It can also foster the unconscious belief that you deserve not to be treated right. In that case, even when you see another person is not treating you right, you may feel ambivalent, try to find justifications for them, or minimize their behavior.

When I was much younger, and went through a very bad betrayal by someone supposedly very close, I felt like it was my job to help them out of their "evil ways." I actually derailed myself on Christian principles that time. I thought I was supposed to forgive and help the person become a better person. Well, breaking news: that person remained the same worm - in fact got worse over the years it seems.

At some point I ran across something in the Bible (I think in Psalms not sure exactly which, maybe Steve would know)... where Jesus says something like if a person refuses to behave rightly cast them out of your life or something similar. I am still murky on this because I am never sure how many second chances a person gets before I shut them out of my life. Nonetheless, it gave me the feeling that I had a right to do so, and even perhaps a duty to myself to do so. Reading that I felt exhonerated from having to be loyal to someone who did not deserve it.

FWIW It also goes along with the popular saying, "A leopard cannot change his spots." Maybe you have heard this: "El lobo cambia el pelo, pero no las mañas." (for others: a wolf sheds his fur but not his vices).

Many a marriage has failed because of one person trying to change another, or because of one person entering into the marriage believing that the other would change... only to find, they did not. The whole change, expectation, and second-going-on-twentieth chance dealy is true for any relationships - friendships, work rapports, etc.

==========================================

So, what does this boil down to?

-- Beware of head games: False friends may throw "your" flaws back in your face - whether real, or imagined by them. They may exaggerate too. It is just a way of throwing sand in your eyes, to distract you from their bad behavior.

-- Evaluate whether you trust too much, too soon. maybe it would be helpful to be more cautious, go more slowly. trust in small increments, evaluating whether the person is actually trustWORTHY.

-- Evaluate if you are overreactive. If you are, it does not excuse someone who has betrayed you. However, self-improvement is in itself a noble undertaking.

None of this is easy. I am still grappling with all this myself.

A lot of this is based on my own experiences and I'm not sure how much I might be projecting - "seeing" more similarity with you than truly exists. So, please just take anything useful, leave the rest. :o

So sorry for the long post. i just can't seem to be brief sometimes (OFTEN, :o)!

:circlelove:

waves

Waves, like always, you my sister opening my eyes and making me feel better and safer :hug:

This is the best thing I could have read today.

You are so correct in everything you said and Im going to start working in stuff I have to change :)

Today I dont feel any anger anymore... Just sadness and, nostalgy... Hoping they will end soon.

I love you all reading this so much :hug:

(((Majo)))

I am glad the anger has passed. I am too familiar with sadness and nostalgia. :(:o

I hope brighter days will come to you soon. :hug::hug:

love

waves

Thank you waves :hug: :hug :hug:

I wish my brain would just turn off now....

Im thinking to much and Im just feeling more and more confused every second :Sob:

Hey Blue Facebook can be a unfriendly place. I think that I talked about it on Neurotalk several months ago. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Mayo

Thinking of you.

Donna:hug::grouphug::grouphug:

I have been so down all day...

Like, I always feel I loose friends due to gossip, but then, if they believed the gossip, they werent friends anyway....

And then, I wish I could bring the time back so I could calm down before talking to him about what this girl said to me... oh well.... Im so confused and feeling guilty :Sob:

I read your post Steve, and yeah, FB is full of mean people.... I mean, life in general is :rolleyes:

Oh well :Sob:

Im thinking about you too Donna, always :hug:

Dear Waves, you always come up with the best writings....saying the right things and offering such great support.
thank you for that.
bizi

Marjorie just dropping in to give you a cheer on. Your post inspired my to due clutter a few boxes, go through shoes. And purses. I am going to hang hanging holders for he purses and my shoe rack for 50 shoes arrived.

I too still have a lot to do. I really want to paint my rooms, it's been over 20 years since we built he house.
Love you all, :grouphug:
You're a great friend Blue,
Hugs
Di

My lovely Di ! :hug: :hug: :hug:

It is always a huge pleasure to read you :hug:

Thank you for the cheer up !!! You surely did it !! :hug:

I love you my friend.

I love you my family here :hug:

Semestral oral presentation tomorrow... :rolleyes:

My mind is somewhere else... I barely could finish my power point presentation... :rolleyes:

FML :o

good luck tomorrow my friend I send you warm wishes for strength!
bizi

HEY! -- you have a good life. :):):)
When the presentation is over you can celebrate.


M

Good Luck with the presentation, Majo! :hug::heartthrob:

waves

Hey dear all !

I survived !!

I managed to focus on my project during the exam at least. Im going walking, and hopefully swimming too... Trying to forget him, them and the rest :o

Love you.

that is great news thanks for sharing!
enjoy the weekend!
bizi:hug:

Great going, Majo! :hug:

Enjoy your walk/swim! :)

waves

I HATE when I get "Stress attacks"....

or whatever we can call them....

Of course after them, I get a depression thinking about my life....

I have to choose a class for the next semester.... but I dont like any of them. I stress about the evaluation method in most of them....

I discovered today that my head scars are becoming bigger and bigger :(

I have some trips planned for the next months, but of course, that will interfere with my classes.... which like I said, I dont even want to take...

And, when I feel stressed, I just realize it is not worth it to become stressed, but at them same time, I realize MY WHOLE LIFE is not worth it.

Awesome.

I feel anxious and depressed.

Sorry for sounding this doomy and annoying today. Im have a bad day it seems.

:(

Majo,

Your live IS worth it. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

What is the evaluation method?
Does it stress you out or is it that you do well with other methods.

Mari

Mari :hug: :hug: :hug:

I dont like any of the classes that will be offered next semester, and when I try to choose the "less pathetic", they ask for too much...

Like, reading, active participation in class, cant miss a class, etc... too much stress situations !!!

My fave method is written exams.... :o

Aw... :(

Blue can you skip the semester and stress to regroup for the following semester? Our summer semesters here our shorter so it gives use a mini deto. And regroup time. I think semester after semester after a period of time just burns out the brain. Good idea to walk and swim, get the endorphins going.
Hugs n love,
Di. :hug:

I think we can Di, but that means no schoolarship one semester and I need that money to live plus Im sure if I leave for a semester I wont be back :o

To make my day more miserable:
Do you remember the guy I told you I "was in love" but that he had a gf etc... Well, it was his graduation day today and my father wrote him an email.... To congratulate him...
1) he doesnt speak spanish
2) my father wrote him a long message pathetically translated in google translator from spanish to english

THIS IS THE MOST EMBARASSING THING THAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME IN A LOOOOOOOONG TIME !!!!!

I feel like all my life I have felt ashamed for one thing or another... Ridiculous after ridiculous...

:Sob: argh... He might be thinking my father is retarded or something :(

why on earth would your father write him a note?
I am so sorry that you are hurting.
please be kind to yourself....
(((((HUGS))))))
bizi