Third (3rd) Journey Thread --- (la troisième)
 

I have requested that the other Journey Thread be closed because it is too long to be searchable.


I called the Employee Assistance Program and spoke to a nice person named Camilla (just got off the phone.)

I feel better after talking to her. We spoke for a while wrt how I feel right now, some history about my various pdocs and todcs, how I cope, how I am doing at work, what changes are happening to me now. . . . .

I talked a lot about my med hassles with current pdoc.
She asked about what I do to help myself: yoga, self talk, breathing techniques, mantras --
--- although I suspected that was not what she was looking for. I think she want to know if I have friends.
She asked if hubby was supportive.
She asked if I have support "in the community"

She asked me stupid questions with numbers but I tried to cooperate with her.
A second set was words instead of numbers . .. Something like this:

SCALE:
-all the time
-most of the time
-some of the time
-rarely
-not at all

Roughly questions like these --
How often are you able to be at work and in good shape able to do the job
How often are you prepared
How often can you deal with colleagues (for that one I said, "rarely").
How often do you have enough sleep
================

. . . . and she gave me names of four or five female counselors very close to where I live.
Work will give me 6 free visits (no co-pay or deductibles) with the EAP
She thought that the counselor could keep me on if those visits were working for me and/or
could be in a position to refer me to a new pdoc and tdoc.


Mari

This is great mari!
How do you feel about this?
bizi

I am not sure.
I think I feel "relief." Maybe because her plan might help me.

M

Its also so nice to have someone just listen. Then help with some
ideas. Hope you get good results.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

This sounds promising.
bizi

med change maybe
 

I changed my mind. I am too old and not not in the mood to see a counselor -- they annoy me- all of them and always have.
All four of the counselors she gave me are not appropriate:

1. one has an entire center for life coaching (nothing about bipolar depression that is for sure) :Doh:

2. another only deals with children :rolleyes:

3. one is part of the group with a pdoc I saw once.
It was next to impossible to get her office on the phone.
THe service would have me on hold for 45 mins before I could leave a message or talk to someone. :mad:

4. The fourth is young and has other things that make her not a good match.


======
I am going to make an appointment with current pdoc to ask her to lower my Verapamil.
Perhaps the verapamil is causing the depression.

Mari

rats, am sorry that the offices/ don't seem workable...for me I would not mind a younger tdoc...she may have some new ideas....just me.
bizi
sorry for your depression...could be sad?
Have you been to the beach lately?

I feel old. If I saw a younger person, I would feel even older.
Today I have the depression and a headache. No therapist could help with either of those.

===
I asked the pharmacy whether I could pick up my Verapamil early.
They said that I could pick it up today at 3:00 when I pick up the Lamictal.

M

When I see the pharmacist, I will ask if it is o.k. to cut my Verapamil in half.


Made an appt with pdoc in order to discuss lowering the Verapamil. I see her next week.

after all of this time you think the verapimil is the culprit?
bizi:confused:

Bizi,

I have no idea but in my crazy head, it makes sense.


Mari

(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

can't sleep
 

This never happens -- that I cannot fall asleep when I want to.
I gave up and got out of bed to take care of some work.


Usually, I need three hours or I do not hear the alarm.
I am afraid I might sleep through it when it goes off at 9:00.

M

Did you ever get some sleep?
YOu must be sleep deprived...
am sorry.
I so wish sleeping were not such a huge issue for you.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

difficult time.
 

I am sure that my medications are wrong. Something needs to be fixed.

I am miserable.

m

maybe it is the lamictal...are you still trying to increase it, maybe that is the problem?
bizi

Mari
I can't remember, but have you ever tried zonegran. Its a lot like
Lamictal.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

Did I tell you that I am tired and depressed?
 

Work buddy and I had a pizza meeting for some students today/ Monday.
It worked out well for the students. Work buddy was energized.

I see pdoc tomorrow/Tuesday at 1:15 pm
Why did I agree to a meeting so freeeeeek-n early??

Mari

Doesn't that interfer with your sleeping?
sorry you are depressed.
wish it were easier for you.
know that you are a strong woman...you are getting up and going to work and getting things done.
You could be staying in bed . So I am proud of your efforts.
bizi:hug:

glad the meeting went well.....hope the doctor's visit goes well too
bobby

Disastrous day.
Pdoc gave me 'script for a tiny dose of Effexor.
Pharmacy said that insurance had a problem with the dose.
I called pdoc to fix the issue and got VERY upset at her phone service.

I got on the phone and dealt with insurance company for nearly three hours in order to find another pdoc.
I had a very hard time understanding people because I am depressed and cannot process sounds or information.


>>>I have an appt with a new guy Feb 26 Thurs 3:15 three miles from my place.

ugh I'm so sorry you had such an awful day Mari. :hug:

That sounds just awful.
hope they were friendly....3 hours is a long time to talk to any body on the phone.:(
I am so ready to have a new gp...I see her at the end of the month. Right before our insurance changes.
bizi

Mari

So sorry, hope new one is better all the way around.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

I called in sick for the first part of the day, knowing that I would have a very hard time getting out of bed --- so very exhausted and depressed -- it took me hours to talk myself into getting dressed and getting into the car.

I made it to a night event that felt important to me and to a few others.

M

((((HUGS)))))
bizi
wish you weren't so depressed, makes every thing hard.

I worked Friday with 1.5 hours of sleep. :confused:
I managed because it was a light work day.
On the way home I stopped to get a new battery for my watch -- the jewelry store was packed with Valentine shoppers. :eek:

Saturday/tomorrow the cleaning lady is coming so I "cleaned" a little tonight: emptied waste baskets for for the garbage pick up in the a.m, tried to get some clutter off my desk. . .


I told hubby to go to his favorite place to pick up rotisserie chicken and cole slaw -- he and she like lunch and talking. :cool: (I try to ignore both of them usually and eat lunch by myself when they are done.)
Before I go to bed, i have to pick through the bag of black eyed peas and set them out to soak so I can cook them for us.

M

Happy valentines day!:circlelove:
bizi

Meds!
 

I cannot find my Gabapentin!!! :eek:

Hubby and I sat together and did the pill minder for the week.
I only have a few gabapentins.

So I put in a half dose for six days.
On day seven I will have zero.


So annoying.

Mari

Do you just need to refill it?
maybe you could call the pharm tomorrow and get it refilled so that way you are not having to take a half dose.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

I can try -- if I get up in time because the pharmacy closes at a ridiculously early time on Sunday.

I might try to keep looking for it. I used to have lots of extras.

M

Sleep doc at 12:45 am Tuesday.
My alarm is set for 10:30.

It takes over an hour to get there to see him.

I hope he has insight or suggestions.
I hope whatever happens, I leave there feeling in a good mood.

Mari

did you go?
bizi

did you find it or get it refilled?
hugs to you tonight
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Yes. I got the gabapentin and the 37.5 Effexor in capsules. -- not in the mood to split the dose for the 37.5 capsules.

I saw sleep doc. I told him to lower the pressure of the in air the cpap because I feel that it is too much. He did that.
I told him I would see him in 6 months (instead of 12 months like he often does.)

===
And I was so VERY tired. I kept telling the doc and his assistant that I was tired and depressed.


M

So it has been too much air pressure for how long 6 months? a year? or is that why you went to see him in the first place?
sorrry that you are depressed.:(
maybe with the new cpap adjustments you will sleep better when ever you sleep that is.
bizi

RIght. That is my hope.

I wen to sees him because I am very very depressed for the past four months or so.

golly I hope this helps you get better sleep.
bizi

Thanks, Bizi.

I hope so as well.

M

Thursday's possible meeting:

No one sent us a meeting reminder so I cannot send an email to get an excuse.:Soapbox:

Too much on my mind so I am staying home.
I feel safe only at home these days.http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-sleep012.gif
Plus I am so uptight that I cannot guarantee that I will be polite to any idiot who talks to me or says "hello." Maybe I am angry on top of other things. http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-angry045.gif

Mari