out of control
 

one of my Rabbi's visited me this morning. She sort of gave me permission to tell my nephews how badly they hurt me. I wrote to the one who sends me pictures of his sons and told him how I talked about my family to her and they don't care that I am mentally ill. That isn't being a good Jew. I wrote a follow up and said I was in so much pain

I am sorry for your pain:(
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I think I did the right thing. I was vascillating (sp) all night about what I did.
I really don't have a family. Another one I hear from the Jewish holidays in a form letter which is coming up. I feel like telling him to shove it, if he writes to me I will write him back that I will pray for him. It is really scary being all alone

You do not even have to answer him. I've gotten massive satisfaction from
tearing up a letter or shredding it.

Or you could send it back "return to sender. not at this address."

it would be an email. I decided I will just respond that I will pray for him (for my sake)-too much pain

I think you did the right thing by writing the letter, too. I hope that you felt at least a little release after writing down your feelings and pressing "send" :hug::hug::hug:

I'm sorry that these s***heads are all that's left of your family :hug::hug::hug:
But I'm glad that you have some very good friends, and we love you, and are always here for you :hug::hug::hug:

I think the Rabbi sort of gave me the okay. I don;t know if she picked up how much I suffer from them. I did make peace with my father a few months before he died.My sister still haunts me.. I treasure this group and run to it, I have a few very close friends. It isn't the same as family.
I love what you call them lol
love
bobby
I fit the pattern of the mentally ill so right on but I think we are the normal ones.

I feel more relaxed now. thanks so much!

I am glad you feel better bobby.
I hope you have a stress free day.
((((HUGS))):hug:
bizi

most of the stress has returned. it is like losing my family all over again and all the unpleasant memories coming back

This makes me sad to hear this.:(
((((HUGS))))
bizi:hug:

I wish there was a way that you could just pretend that they don't even exist. It would help take some of the pain away, but I know that is impossible :hug::hug::hug:

We may be mentally ill, but that doesn't mean that all our feelings and reactions to things aren't normal :hug:

I hope you get a reply from your nephew... an acknowledgement that he has not treated you well... as you deserve to be treated :hug::hug::hug:

I don't think he can handle the emails. I didn't sign them love. I didn't feel love.

Remember, it might not be the same thing
But we love you.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

thank you so much donna
love
bobby

my nephew wrote me twice and said he lowed me and then said they loved me.
I wrote back and said I love you.

I am glad that he wrote to you.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I wrote another email writing carrie fisher's quote on being bipolar that mari gave us. They still won't get it

I am going to ask the psychiatrist this morning for more risperdal. I don't know if he will give it to me. I take 1 mg in the morning and 1 at night really feel unstable a lot of the time lately. I feel pressured by being around most people. right now i am happy I only have marcia coming once a week and nobody coming on thursday. it is too stressful. I am already stressed about the results of the physical I took with the double dose of medication next friday and the cardiologist visit on wednesday. I don't know what he will want or say about the ekg. I think bp gets worse as you age. I am worried about money. I am still spending too much. I got a new older of south beach diet yesterday but ordered chinese food. out of control.
Abby has been jumping from one of the high cabinets onto the bed more frequently and from the high cabinet into the closet.

because of my stroke the psychiatrist doesn't want to give me any more medication

sorry to hear this bobby.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi
could you change up the times that you take it? would that help?

I don't think that would make a difference. I take risperdal twice a day as it is already and two antidepressants twice a day. He said you
can be depressed and sad at the same time.

my doctor jinxed me. he asked how i was sleeping and I said since day light change I was sleeping better. sure enough I was up almost every hour. then he asked about food and sure enough i was so hungry all night

That just stinks... I think that was the power of suggestion. I hope you are able to get back on track soon :hug::hug::hug:

I'm so glad that your nephew did respond to you, and that he told you he loved you. I hope that the quote from Carrie Fisher will help his understanding of BP, at least a tiny bit. Maybe it will inspire him to seek out more information...

I feel so badly that you are feeling out of control. I wish you were feeling better, my friend :hug::hug::hug:
I can understand why your pdoc might have reservations about giving you too many meds because of some of the side effects, but I wish he could do something to help more... :hug::hug::hug:

You are right- issues with blood pressure are more common as people age.

I hope you have a better day today, Bobby. Love to you (((HUGS)))

My father has high blood pressure and they have him on 3 different meds to control his readings. He just turned 80. They want his blood pressure to be 120/80. This last pill addition has brought it down to where his doctor wants it at and now he feels like a zombie, very fatigued. When I was there last week, he would have to stop and take breaks while doing walks which was unusual for him. Maybe your blood pressure medication is making you fatigued?
Just a thought????
((((HUGS))))
bizi

I think it is stroke fatigue. I have been tired for a long time but after the stroke there was a real difference

I am calming down but I am really depressed. Lately at times I am angry/ I get triggered easily.

That is not uncommon with depression... not that knowing that makes matters any easier :hug::hug::hug:

I know that MS is the main reason for my fatigue, but I'm sure that some of my meds don't help. But I am used to my meds, having been on them so long. I think they mostly effect me when something else is going on.

This bad patch has been going on for a long time this time. I hope you get some relief soon, Bobby :hug::hug::hug:

yesterday i was freaking out. I hadn't heard from one of my friends and started to exaggerate that she was dead. finally called her and she was fine but over busy. I shed a few tears/ I haven't cried in years.

I also started really worrying about money so what did I do spend more

Thinking of you today, Bobby (((((HUGS)))))

I am sorry you suffer.
amazing that you shed a few tears.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Bobby,

I wish you well.

M

I seem to be going through a rough period. I look forward to the two religious classes I have on tuesday and wednesday. I feel sort of withdrawn. I am scared of the doctors' appointments this week. I am very irritable. I don't feel well and am afraid to get on the scale

Don't get on the scale. You don't have to, and if you don't like the number, it will only add to negative thoughts :hug:

I'm happy that you have the religious classes to look forward to. I hope that they are uplifting :hug::hug::hug:

i gained back five pounds. It is affecting my walking. I wish I had control

The scale is our enemy.
I am a slave to it.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I think that is funny, today Marci should be coming over. I have to tell her not to bring me any food. yesterday she brought me a cheeseburger and four kitkats. I can't say no. In two days I eat a box of matzo etc. My hand is my enemy

I am reading another book I like

I finished it and reading another delightful one. I had a hard time sleeping last night. I have an early appt with my heart doctor. Something was wrong with my ekg. The day it was taken I doubled up on my medication by mistake. I realized it when my blood pressure was the lowest it has ever been. I left a message with my doctor but he never called me back.