less in control
 

starting a new thread because the other is too long
bobby

pretty sure my oldest friendship with linda is over. i have known her all my life. i think i now have no more toxic friends in my life. i think it is a relief more than a loss.

I am glad that you don't have anymore toxic friends in your life.
I am glad you feel relieved.
love bizi

thanks so much. i feel even better now. if only i wasn't so constipated. i did read one teaspoon of olive oil on an empty stomach helps constipation.
I really do feel liberated now. finally.
love,
bobby

I have to take exlax to go these days. sigh
bizi who is waiting for a gastro md referral.
is there only one manufacture who makes mag citrate?

one who makes the liquid magnesium citrate.
yesterday i ate way too many prunes and was up all night with severe gas.
i just wanted to die. Of course my depression came roaring back. I don't even think I went.
since they removed the liquid, life has been sheer hell.

linda did write back and didn't respond that if she wanted to help me all she had to do was listen for 10 or 15 minutes. i forgot what she wrote that angered me so much.
i coped out and couldn't stand getting rid of her. i guess i am pathetic.

i think having a tablespoon of magnesium citrate powder which i bought on amazon mixed with a lot of water worked. at the same time i took 4 capsules of cape vera aloe or aloe vera-too tired to look it up.

2 exlax did the trick for me this morning I still have to strain alot to go.
my poor colon.
how much water are you drinking bobby?
I shoot for 64 ounces. I reach that and more some days.
they say we should drink as much water as we can thru out the day.
I am trying.
love bizi

i still have stomach pains but forced myself to walk in the hall. took a heaping tablespoon of magnesium citrate with water. hope it works. i read possibly 20 % of americans have ibs. why can't they find a cure.
i did throw out the rest of the prunes. such a nightmare. i forgot to take one teaspoon of olive oil this morning.

I am going to put my nurse hat on:
If you don't drink enough water than you can get dehydrated and become unstable on your feet, which could lead to more falls.
nurse hat off.
love you
bizi

thanks. still haven't gone. i am going to have a bottle of magnesium citrate. i will be sure to drink more water. i really thought the powder would work. maybe it needs more time. i am so miserable and scared.
love,
bobby

2 peri-colace worked for me. I am still having to strain.
I am sorry you are scared. I will see a gastro md soon hopefully.
bizi

i don't think they work me. good luck with the doctor. to make a long story short two days ago i took four different laxatives. finally at 1:30 am with still no urge to go i drank a cup of coffee and went and went and went and even during the next day. i just ordered more peppermint oil capsules and have a lot ginger root still. the pain gets so awful. but those to help my stomach.
love, i might just try eating oatmeal. one person swears non dairy yogurt.
bobby

Bobby

Are you still drinking coffee every day. I don't hear you talk about it
as much. Reason I'm wondering is the last two times you have mentioned
it you have went right after drinking it I think at night.

donna :hug::grouphug:

i always have at least two cups in the morning and usually one or two in the afternoon. i hardly ever have coffee in the middle of the night.
love,
bobby

I was that desperate about a few months ago. I think I took 4 different kinds of laxative too. it was not pretty.....
I feel for you.
Think I will try 3 peri colace. tonight.
love you:hug:
bizi

i think i have been manic and depressed. i slept an hour. i bought another pair of shoes. i also bought three other pairs all this month and i can hardly walk. I have bought floral pants-a few,
i am just making coffee and will try to read. usually when i get engaged in a book, my depression goes away..
i am so scared we are going to lose our democracy. i can't stop myself from watching the news
i am going to have a nutritionist for a few hours to get advice for diabetes and ibs-c.. i am out of control eating too. i don't think i am in control of anything.
I am not going to look up this but today i tried the gummy probiotics revy or something like that and they tasted so good eventually i ate the whole bottle. i couldn't stop myself.
then i freaked out when i called alice to thank her the check and to find out how her best friend is doing. Her friend was born with a bad kidney and now having trouble with her other kidney.
Then Alice shocked me. She said she was so happy and hadn't been happy in years. her unhappiness blew me away. i had no idea.
She was loved so much by her parents. She was a child prodigy on the piano and performed at an extremely young age-maybe 4. She had a great marriage. She and Ted were extremely compatible. He worked for IBM and played i think the trumpet well. She was a programmer. They both adored cats.
Alice lives in Westchester and was looking at the digital news for her community. She saw there were openings for a choir. She joined. She said the conductor was great and the members seemed very nice. She was in a choir for years in Manhattan. I AM SO HAPPY FOR HER.
I have also been having a cough lately. I was a two pack a day smoker. I think it would be funny if i have lung cancer. i have been feeling rotten.
i just checked. my only symptom is the cough. i probably don't have it.

alice even built a harpsichord.
I couldn't go back to sleep. i took a heaping tablespoon of magnesium citrate powder with a lot of water. It worked I will try it tonight. I hope it keeps on working.
I am rereading a delightful book and have been petting pudgy a lot.and have been listening nonstop to andrea bocelli.
a tooth is a bit lose but i decided i won't worry about it i bought a tooth paste called Dental Gel and it feels a lot better. It is just a matter of time before I lose it.

Glad that alice is happy. joining a choir can bring a different kind of feeling.
I am glad that she joined a choir.
I am happy for alice. She has been so good to you over the years.
Last night I took 3 peri colace and had a big formed bm today.
It was glorious!
sorry....:o
I will try just 2 tonight as I am sure I cleared my self out.
it has senna in it bobby. 26 mg of sennoides and 150mg stool softener.
I was taking too much stool softener.
hope you are enjoying a good book.
love

you
bizi

senna doesn't work for me. for three days now i have been taking magnesium citrate powder and it is working. maybe it will keep on working and then will have no more stomach pains, nausea etc. I still have to go.
my bipolar is so awful. i am overspending, over eating, severely depressed and filled with anxiety. my sleeping is so horrible. i even bought a pair of shoes for Marci. i can't stand Linda and i am so lonely. aby is avoiding me.

i am just suffering way too much, i am so irritable. i am going to see if i can try topamax again. Since I still feel as if I have to go, I took more magnesium citrate powder and don't care if i wind up poisoning myself. I am itchy all over. I don't have control over my temper now. i am so upset that that we will probably loose our democracy.. i am so glad i am old the way the country is going.

I am sorry that you are suffering like this.
You are not old.you are a senior now but that doesn't mean you are old. You are just older.
love
bizi

Bobby

I'm sorry your suffering. I love the topamax for my migraines. I
use effexor for my anxiety. I realize you have bipolar not anxiety.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

donna,
bobby does suffer with terrible anxiety.
just wanted to tell you that.
love bizi

donna,
how many times have i written that my anxiety is through the roof? ibipolar 2 symptoms are anxiety, depression, irritability, over spending, over eating but NO PSYCHOSIS. i have also have the diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder. i have anxiety from post traumatic stress after i was badly burnt from my explosion.
yesterday was just so bad. my eating was so out of control and i was so irritable. ibs-c has been so awful.
love,
bobby

i just had a great therapy session.

i just went crazy-i waited 25 minutes sitting on my computer chair. finally she came on zoom. i was so agitated. anyways she will start me on 25 mg of topamax for first week and if there are no side effects then i will start taking 50.

Sorry Bobby,

I didn't remember. Even if you told me. I have a crazy type question
for you? Only because I'm curious. Have you ever tried cymbalta
for pain and anxiety.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

i don't really remember.
love,
bobby

i sleep for an hour and can't go back to sleep-sh@t
so much fun to be bipolar.

i just had coffee and enjoying another book. Thank God i love reading.

crap-my credit card raised how much i can spend. this month will be high.

Bobby

They did that so you would spend more. So maybe just keep telling
yourself that you don't want to spend more.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

i really have extreme problems with jerks. How does one deal with stupidity?
My friends are extremely bright and two are probably geniuses. I scored at Penn in the 99 IQ percentile of Ivy League students. Once when I was applying for a programming job at Pfizer, the guy called my reference who was Alice and asked her no questions but kept on repeating that he never saw anybody who tested that high. Alice was a child prodigy and started performing on the piano at 4. I did tutor some friends in math and really helped them. That made me feel good. When I was a child psychologist they always gave me the most difficult cases, I was really good.
I was also number one in tennis at my girl's school, at the club and for a year at the University of Penn. I realize that my bipolar interfered.
i had a great time talking to Sam tonight.
I am still thrilled with my therapy session i didn't feel any self criticism and felt so fantastic when I realized that I have always from the start been independent. it gave me such a feeling of freedom.

I have been listening to Holy MOTHER on youtube a lot today. so fantastic.
My friend Robert is a compassionate genius. He has all the patience in the world when solving a computer problem. He refuses to look at instructions and gets so satisfied when he beats microsoft. alice also hates microsoft and mostly uses another operating system.

here is the link to Holy Mother Eric Clapton, Luciano Pavarotti, East London Gospel Choir - Holy Mother (Live) - YouTube
Clapton and Pavarotti were the best in their field without a doubt.

I was thinking about my father. he was handsome, brilliant and a great athlete. he went to penn and harvard law school. he was a judge, prosecutor and lawyer. he was bipolar 2 and used alcohol to escape the depression. I bet if he knew he was bipolar 2 he wouldn't have been selfish and had children to possibly pass on the mental illness with its suffering.

Bobby

I am going to hope that is not true. Because if he hadn't had children we
wouldn't have had the chance to get to know such a great person as
you. I think he may have been bipolar 2, but its something, that he
also had you and you are an great lady. And would have left the world
one much worse place. If you hadn't gotten to be on the planet. So
I'm glad he had you and we met in here.

donna :hug::grouphug:

i didn't sleep all night. my stomach was so awful. my ibs-c gets worse when i am upset. i am trying to work on feeling compassion for dumb a-holes who are too stupid to realize they are dumb.
I just feel so rotten and I have to clean the apartment a bit.

i had some coffee and my stomach finally feels better, it helped me go the bathroom. Yesterday I took magnesium citrate powder and was shocked. In fifteen minutes I went.
I do belong to a facebook group for irritable bowel syndrome with constipation. It is a great group. Most are suffering big time.
I just ordered slippery elm powder that might coat my stomach. We share what we try. Most of their doctors tell them not to use laxatives. what a-holes. One just wrote that her doctor said to use laxatives or else there might be a rupture.
I called my friend Kathy and asked her about my childhood. She reminded me how my mother used to criticize me badly in front of her. It would make Kathy uncomfortable. She said it was emotional abuse. She said of course I would be terrified of my father because drunks can be unpredictable. She did agree I was very independent.
She is sending me a link to lectures on music by a brilliant guy.
Aaron did call and apologize for not calling last week. I was positive he wouldn't but got anxious he might stop. We have been talking for 3 years.
He and his wife drove to Wyoming for a reunion and had a super time. His wife loved the scenery. I was shocked that his parents joined them for two days with his mother's 12 dog Daisy who aaron says still looks like a puppy and kept up when they were hiking. He said he drove back for 13 hours nonstop except to get gas. I just listened and asked questions. He is just so super. His parents are so devoted.
Linda wrote me but I just deleted the email without reading it. Eventually she will get the message.