angry
 

i am angry at my medications and angry at my therapist. she wants me to take a shower or bath everyday and that really tics me off big time. she also wants me to change outfits every day. she also wants me to take a walk every morning....I have a lot of clean clothes but it doesn't make me feel any better if i switch clothes every day. Bathing stresses me out big time. I think it is also bad for the skin to bathe every day. it is as if she wants to turn me into an obsessive compulsive. I do like bubble baths though and take them when i think I need them. Wwhen I was into sports I was always taking showers.
the medications have taken away what highs i have had and leave me mostly depressed. that isn't fair. I told my psychiatrist I was going to cut back on risperdal and take 1/4 of what I have been taking. It makes me lethargic and puts a lid on me. I have pernicious anemia, high blood pressure ,diabetes II and deficient in vitamin d. Before I started with these medications, I didn't have any of those conditions. I have also gained 100 pounds in eight years.
I am just so angry
Bobby

Dearest Bobby
 

You have every right to be angry. I would be too. Let your therapist know how you feel about her requests in no uncertain terms. And with that, let her know just how angry it makes you too. See what she has to say afterwards. she may have some reasons she wants you to go through some "hoops" but perhaps she needs to realize that she set forth an unreasonable number of "hoops" if that is what she is trying to do. In that case you and she can maybe figure out what is doable or even attemptable for you. She needs to take into consideration your level of fatigue that is partly due to physical factors plus the meds and you cannot just psych yourself out of that with "hoops!" (i am making suppositions here, about what her intent is... i don't really know.) Anyway letting her know how you feel i think is the place to start.

As for the meds, yes, do talk to your pdoc too, about lowering the risperdal if you feel it is weakening you more than helping. It is hard to believe there isn't a link between your meds and at least some of your conditions... and there can be a domino effect too. Talk to him. Yell if you need to. Rock the boat. Shake the tree. There has to be a better way. Killing the highs without fixing the lows is hardly a good solution, i agree.

I am so sorry about the weight gain too. It's easy on and not easy off. i have not gained as much but i gained 48 lbs with Zyprexa - that was 1 and 1/2 times my weight for i was 106 at the outset (granted, underweight at the time). I dieted sensibly, gradually several times and got a lot of it off, only to gain what i had lost back with another bout of depression or a SINGLE week of zyprexa. So i can relate to that too.

You have been suffering for so long. I hope you are able to give your pdoc and your therapist a jolt on these things. Medicines are supposed to make us more better than worse. Therapy too.

Is there anything that gives you comfort nowadays? Do you still read much?

:hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~ sending you warm thoughts

she needs to have some basic respect for your needs and wishes
 

Dear Bobby,
Is this a new therapist?
As you know I really hate to shower and it is for a number of different reasons -- some that are incomprehensible to a person without bipolar.
I'm almost as annoyed by the idea of having to change clothes every day as I am about by the new shower rule. Does she lack experience with people like you?

If she does have the experience, maybe ask her how well her suggestions have turned out in the past.

I think her new rules are cruel. They demonstrate that she has no understanding and no awareness. Instead of pressuring you, she should could be offering support. And she could be working to empower you rather than what she is doing now.

And let's say that she wants to push you a little bit. Maybe she could ask (that's an idea :eek: ) about things that you want to change and offer ways to help with those things that you need from her. In other words, I think she should be listening to you than to some stupid set of rules that would purportedly work for garden variety depression.

Perhaps you can tell your pdoc to make a call or make a note on a prescription pad to leave you a lone about the bathing and the changing clothes -- but it does not solve the problem. She needs to get a clue.

For crying out loud, has she looked at your list of meds???? :mad: Does she know what side effects they cause? Does she know the price we pay for both the disorder AND the meds. She's so wrong on so many levels.
She acts like she just got out of school and never met a real life patient before.


What happened when you told the pdoc about wanting a lower dose? I'm glad that you spoke up. He should let you do what you know is right for you. I hope that your session with him went ok.


Regarding vit D:
I've been taking 4000 IUs a day for four or 5 weeks. According to the information on the internet, I probably need to be taking much more. (I tested low at 13 with a normal reference of 20-100).
Sources on the web say I need more than 4000 a day. I'll look for those links. I think MrsD has links for that.
Low D can probably cause energy and mood problems (I can't find sources on the 'net right now but that sounds right. You've probably looked that up yourself anyway.)
According to this, the prescription vit D is usually D2, not D3. We need D3 if we are supplementing orally:
http://www.worldhealth.net/news/if_y...vitamin_d_how/


M.

dear bobby,
It makes me angry with you over these rules of order....Is she new to you or have you already established a relationship with her.
I agree with folks have said to you ...ask you what you see as a problem and your meds do need to be adjusted.
I am sorry that you are still dealing with such depression.
I jsut started reading twilight...really enjoy that simplisity and romance. saw the movies as well.
I hope that you can better communicate your needs about these issues...when do you see her again?
((((HUGS)))))
hugs to you
bizi

Bobby,
There must be a book that has a page the doc's use for good things to accomplish...they forgot the footnote that says, just reading and saying "I thought about it" and that is a goal to meet for the goal and just as important.

I think anyone telling me I had to shower every day, I would not want to do it. Like in the hospital they come in hand you towels and say ok shower time....why the heck, I am sick in hospital the shower helps HOW?

It takes a lot of emotional energy, and physical desire to get showers.....
I still bargin, I am not shaving the legs for the winter and if I want, I will wash the hair later.
Getting out of the shower wet and dressing is one thing, dealing with the hair at that moment is another.

I do like my bubble baths, too.

So many of the meds can and do cause the medical problems. Many of those symptoms can be from meds....Flash back to doc, well if I take these meds and feel even worse, what makes you think a shower a day is going to make me feel better. I would feel better, IF I COULD FEEL BETTER>
di:hug:

Hi Waves,
I think I am going to give my therapist and Pdoc a jolt. My therapist is around my age so she must have been in practice for years. I forgot to add that my sleeping is atrocious....more atrocious since I have been on the medications.
At the clinic I go to, in order for me to see Dr.Moussavian, I have to also see a therapist. I have been with Dr.Moussavian for eight years now and just respect and adore him so much. He has tried to give me over five medications for my difficult with sleeping. Like last night, I finally fell asleep after 12:30 and then woke up at three thirty....I talked to a friend who has sleeping problems and then started reading. Yes I still enjoy reading. My cats also give me comfort. I made a huge breakthrough I think about my deep fear of death and God. My parents were very cruel to me and very critical so along the way I grew terrified of God and thought the great unknown expected me to be perfect.....Dr.Moussavian said I could lower the risperdal. I told him I was so worried about my weight and I am always tired. I blamed a lot of it on the risperdal. He just switched me to Celexa. He said that is weight neutral. Thank God you didn't gain more weight with Zyprexa....that stuff is so much worse than risperdal.
Love
Bobby

you are right. she is adding more pressure to me and is starting to give me a complex in this area even though i am fighting it. I told her a lot of bipolar people have trouble with the stress of bathing....she is like a broken record.
I told Dr.Moussavian that at times it seems like the only thing she cares about is putting structure into my life by bathing every day, wearing new clothes every day and now taking a morning walk every day. These medications have done me in so much that now I have difficulty walking around the block. My friend Robert said for a month he will walk me around the block with his wonder dog Mickey. I think we have been doing it for over two weeks now and I notice a little process.
I did look up vitamin d and saw some site even sold 40,000 and I read a study that used that amount. I forgot how much we can take it from sunlight for ten or twenty minutes....something like 20,000. Yes I read about moodiness and depression and lack of energy. ugh
she knows I am also having trouble aging. It started happening when I turned sixty and also started having difficulty having the energy to walk much. I still have a strong need to contribute to the world but I AM SO TIRED AND OFTEN TIMES TOO DEPRESSED. she knows this. I also feel alone even if I am with people who don't share my values. At this age it is so hard meeting new people. I also don't have much money at all and a lot of activities are expensive and also to get to them would require a cab since my ability to walk without getting tired is awful.
Bobby

thanks for the hugs. I see her in another week. I see her every other week.
last time, it was quite interesting. she told me I probably didn't benefit from all the years of therapy I had had. I agreed with her. I have seen her for a few months. I like her as a person but not as a therapist. I need support and not pressure. I have basically given up on my medications helping me. I have tried so many antidepressants and antipsychotics. I now need two m. of klonopin to work. lithium never worked. lamictal I got gum problems. Oh I forgot about the dry mouth these drugs have caused and now my teeth are in such bad shape.
She probably sees me as recalcitrant.
I don't know about twilight...I will check it out. I saw Blind Side -second movie i have seen in about five years. I loved it
Bobby

Oh wow...I hope I remember to tell her if the medications don't make me feel better, how will a daily shower,morning walk and changing into new clothes will make me feel better. ..and then add that the pressure she is creating for me is making me feel worse. it is not supportive. I don't know. Maybe she should be creative and just find ways of being supportive to me.
I also keep my apartment on the cold side so that is another thing about taking a daily washing. I usually just want to crawl back into bed.
I so badly want to be productive again. I also want to warn people about the dangers of all these medications and it is appearing they have caused more problems than helped. Being this fat now is so bad for my self esteem besides energy level. I don't have a sense of humor about it. ...more like rage.
Bobby

you're the second person to say they loved blind side...must check that out!
twilight is a romantic love story about bellla a young highschooler who falls in love with her class mate, who happens to be a vampire.
Tiwlight you can rent at the video stores and new moon is still in the theaters. there are 4 books out so far with a fith one on the way. a third movie comes out summer 2010.
bizi